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Hi- I'm wondering what the best strategies are for making friends in DC. I'm not looking for business connections/networking, as I have a job and am not looking for a date/hookup as I'm not currently single. I'm just looking to make friends. I've tried attending a few Meetups, but it seems like most people are interested in either finding dates/hookups or business networking. I've done a few volunteer projects, but haven't really met anyone I've gotten to know well. My coworkers are nice, but my office isn't especially social. I had a few friends from college who lived down here when I first moved here, but most have moved away.
Hi- I'm wondering what the best strategies are for making friends in DC. I'm not looking for business connections/networking, as I have a job and am not looking for a date/hookup as I'm not currently single. I'm just looking to make friends. I've tried attending a few Meetups, but it seems like most people are interested in either finding dates/hookups or business networking. I've done a few volunteer projects, but haven't really met anyone I've gotten to know well. My coworkers are nice, but my office isn't especially social. I had a few friends from college who lived down here when I first moved here, but most have moved away.
I'm not in DC, but the question seems universally applicable.
The best way is to do the things you like doing best.
Since you're not currently single....your in an odd predicament. Most couples look for other couples to hangout with. I haven't heard many 'I'm part of a couple, but looking for singular platonic friends' to just 'hang out' in a very general generic way in a very large metro area.
This seems one of these things that most people just solve as they do the things they generally do. Usually whatever places you frequently frequent, your bound to get to know people who frequently frequent them as well.
Hi- I'm wondering what the best strategies are for making friends in DC. I'm not looking for business connections/networking, as I have a job and am not looking for a date/hookup as I'm not currently single. I'm just looking to make friends. I've tried attending a few Meetups, but it seems like most people are interested in either finding dates/hookups or business networking. I've done a few volunteer projects, but haven't really met anyone I've gotten to know well. My coworkers are nice, but my office isn't especially social. I had a few friends from college who lived down here when I first moved here, but most have moved away.
I'd keep at the Meetup thing. There are a lot of people looking to hookup there but you can still meet friends. Craigslist might be good too, lots of events.
I am in the same boat as you. I have friends but I would like to make more social connections.
Stepping back and making some sociological observations here. When people move to DC in their early 20s, they have no trouble with an active social life. You have groups of people from the same university relocating to DC. Some friends who went to the same university would pack up a moving truck and find an apartment together in DC or the suburbs. I would estimate that a majority of 20-somethings in DC have the closest friendships with people they knew back in college or even their high school years. It's called the "Same Friends--Different City" phenomenon.
Also, many younger 20 somethings can visit college alumni happy hours and parties and make friendships that way. Friendships are established when there is a common bond; attending the same university is a bridge builder in social settings. Ditto for fraternity/sorority meet-ups in various DC bars and hotels.
DC Twentysomethings also bond over their regions of origin. A good example would be the Black & Gold Club where Pittsburgh expatriates can meet in a bar to watch Steelers or Penguins games and talk about life in western Pennsylvania. Again, it is much easier to create a friendship with someone who shares a common bond--in this case, people from the same city or region as you.
I would argue that friendships are exceptionally difficult to create in The District if you do not share A.) same university/college or B.) you do not come from the same region of the country. Some relationships are created if people have the same professional career or share a passion for a hobby. But I would argue that university and geographic links are the most powerful friendship builders in a foreign, hostile place like Washington, DC.
But what happens when your 20-something friends move away for job opportunities or graduate school? Where does that leave you? As you get older, it gets harder to make connections at university alumni events because older-married people don't bother as much with these events.
Most people in their later 20s are looking to get married and devote more time to a settled lifestyle. This means less partying on weekends and fewer happy hours. This could also mean relocation to the suburbs if your friend is focused on building a family.
I hate to leave this message on a depressing note but it gets much harder to find new friends as you get older--especially into your 30s. I used to think it was a matter of finding a girlfriend and then it would be easier to socialize with other coupled adults. Not so much in DC. Couples would rather to keep to themselves more often--double the case if they have children in the household. In the age of the broadband, Wi-Fi internet, people can just "Facebook" each other and browse internet message boards for social interaction.
Quote:
Originally Posted by movinghere
Hi- I'm wondering what the best strategies are for making friends in DC. I'm not looking for business connections/networking, as I have a job and am not looking for a date/hookup as I'm not currently single. I'm just looking to make friends. I've tried attending a few Meetups, but it seems like most people are interested in either finding dates/hookups or business networking. I've done a few volunteer projects, but haven't really met anyone I've gotten to know well. My coworkers are nice, but my office isn't especially social. I had a few friends from college who lived down here when I first moved here, but most have moved away.
I am in the same boat as you. I have friends but I would like to make more social connections.
Stepping back and making some sociological observations here. When people move to DC in their early 20s, they have no trouble with an active social life. You have groups of people from the same university relocating to DC. Some friends who went to the same university would pack up a moving truck and find an apartment together in DC or the suburbs. I would estimate that a majority of 20-somethings in DC have the closest friendships with people they knew back in college or even their high school years. It's called the "Same Friends--Different City" phenomenon.
Also, many younger 20 somethings can visit college alumni happy hours and parties and make friendships that way. Friendships are established when there is a common bond; attending the same university is a bridge builder in social settings. Ditto for fraternity/sorority meet-ups in various DC bars and hotels.
DC Twentysomethings also bond over their regions of origin. A good example would be the Black & Gold Club where Pittsburgh expatriates can meet in a bar to watch Steelers or Penguins games and talk about life in western Pennsylvania. Again, it is much easier to create a friendship with someone who shares a common bond--in this case, people from the same city or region as you.
I would argue that friendships are exceptionally difficult to create in The District if you do not share A.) same university/college or B.) you do not come from the same region of the country. Some relationships are created if people have the same professional career or share a passion for a hobby. But I would argue that university and geographic links are the most powerful friendship builders in a foreign, hostile place like Washington, DC.
But what happens when your 20-something friends move away for job opportunities or graduate school? Where does that leave you? As you get older, it gets harder to make connections at university alumni events because older-married people don't bother as much with these events.
Most people in their later 20s are looking to get married and devote more time to a settled lifestyle. This means less partying on weekends and fewer happy hours. This could also mean relocation to the suburbs if your friend is focused on building a family.
I hate to leave this message on a depressing note but it gets much harder to find new friends as you get older--especially into your 30s. I used to think it was a matter of finding a girlfriend and then it would be easier to socialize with other coupled adults. Not so much in DC. Couples would rather to keep to themselves more often--double the case if they have children in the household. In the age of the broadband, Wi-Fi internet, people can just "Facebook" each other and browse internet message boards for social interaction.
Yea, as you get into your 30s, the social life changes. A lot of the people I knew when I first came to DC in my mid 20s are all gone...most have moved on to different parts of the country. It is interesting how we "friend" people on FB that we haven't seen in a decade and probably will never actually meet face to face again. I guess this is the new way of living.
It's difficult making new buds in this city, especially when there's no forced exposure like work involved.
For some people, it's hard to get out of a certain comfort zone and open up. I sometimes fall in that category in where I tend to suspect a cool guy who's simply being overly nice to be a predatory homosexual, and I shut him out as a result. With womem, I perceive any random and open friendliness to be an invitation for quick intimacy. It's sometimes pretty challenging to find the right balance or that gray area in a town so metaphorically black and white.
I definitely have to agree with everything coldbliss said - and I have the same predicament as you. I moved here in June to start a job fresh out of college. Naturally, a fair number of friends and acquaintances ended up here too. And I definitely wanted to make new friends and branch out, but it's easy to just rely on the same network... it's not like I had no one to hang out with, and was forced to make connections.
I tried making friends at work, but I think it's really hard to make genuine connections there. You work together, but don't necessarily hang out together (and I personally prefer to separate work and play) Also, on top of that I found that a lot of the other newer hires my age at work and I are completely different and don't have the same interests anyway. So while I eat lunch with them and chat and say hi when I see them, they aren't the kind of crowd I'm really looking to make meaningful connections with.
I have also entertained the idea of trying meetup-- but still haven't attended one. I was concerned that most people on there were looking for dating/hook ups rather than actual hanging out, but based on some experiences people here have shared I'll probably give it a go and see if I actually meet anyone who shares the same interests as me.
And I like that idea of pursuing what you like to do and that's how you meet people (although, I feel like I've been doing that and have gotten no where... haha but maybe there's an element of good timing at play here)
Just saying you want to meet people is, to put it mildly, vague. I didn't see any indication of your interests, what exactly you're looking for (e.g., just enjoying the company of others during an event or long-standing friendships) and whether you want to do this on your own or with your spouse. Churches, and their affiliated meeting groups, are one obvious answer for some. Into hiking or other outdoor activities? There's the Sierra Club, Washington Ski Club (which at least used to have hikes in the summer, and non-skiing activities such as volleyball year-round), and several other groups. I participated in some of the local Hash House Harrier (running/walking/beer drinking) groups in the area (there are such groups worldwide). Lots of history-oriented groups. Smithsonian Institution has activities, ranging from lectures to courses. I volunteered for the Washington Humane Society; one can do so at the shelters, and at their many outside activities (e.g., adoption fairs, fundraisers). And there are, of course, lots groups involved in political activities. Best to find a group involved in activities you enjoy, rather than one just aimed at meeting people in general (IMHO). While Washington has a reputation for being somewhat transient (people coming and going due to jobs), there is lots to do, and you can make make friends, even if it's not easy.
Thanks everyone for the advice. To clarify by "not single" I mean dating someone and not looking to cheat/hookup with/date anyone else. However, I am not engaged/married/starting a family anytime soon and am still young (mid-20s), so I am still at the stage in life when I think it is nice to have friends. I am not sure if it is that strange to also want friends if you are dating someone.
I'd like to meet people I get along with to develop friendships and just do your usual stuff like eat out, meet up for coffee or a drink, talk about your lives, see some of the cultural attractions and events in DC. I have gone to a few meetup events which have been fun, but for the most part it seems like there is a lot of turnover in terms of who attends the events (ie even when attended 2 events with the same group, most of the people were different) so while the events were kind of fun, I'd have preferred it to be something where I can get to know a consistent group of people to develop actual friendships. Maybe trying meetup again is the way to go.
Last edited by movinghere; 01-22-2012 at 01:41 PM..
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