Quick question for the Guys, what do you guys think of the dating scene here? (gated, to live in)

[coldbliss]

Originally Posted by movinghere

Personally I've found it very hard to connect with people here, as most people seem to mainly want to convince you that their job is prestigious but aren't very interested to get discover common interests and get to know you personality-wise.

Ding...ding. We have a winner chicken dinner.

[killabunnies]

I'm so glad I moved out here with a boyfriend already; from what I've heard, read and seen, dating IS hard here. Not sure it's much harder than San Francisco though, at least people here acknowledge each other. Is dating ever easy? If it isn't money or class or race, it's something else, that's pretty universal, no?

My b/f and I are not exactly of the same socioeconomic class. We have several years of age difference between us (I'm the younger one - shock, I know). But we do have "work" in common since I write about his employer for a living, I guess. None of that matters since we don't talk about "work," it's about the connection above all else. We'll celebrate 4 years together early next year, several of those years experienced on opposite sides of the country from each other.

I have an ex friend from SF who recently moved here who runs the dating circuit and is horribly disappointed. Maybe her expectations are too high. Maybe she's delusional about what a catch she is. Who knows.

I think as long as you manage your expectations and are realistic about what you bring to the table, you should do fine regardless of where you are. Most people get disappointed because they can't accept that they themselves aren't as great as they'd like to believe. Just my opinion.

[seiketsu]

Originally Posted by coldbliss

Yeah, but my whole point is that women in different locations have different standards. Socio-economic class, race and education play a role as well. What might be considered unappealing to educated, professional women in DC might work quite well for women of modest means in other parts of the country. And vice versa.

There is no uniform definition of an appealing or unappealing guy.

Eh, it sounds like your point is you (general you) understand that your league is "women of modest means." I'll interpret that to mean both socioeconomically and average in any other quality you're looking for. In any other place, you'd be satisfied with that. But because DC has such a high number of educated, professional women, you feel entitled to one of them -- and none of the MANY women in this area who are also of modest means / average quality appeals to you.

In other words, it's not that women in DC are low quality (the argument that usually is repeated on these threads). It's that they're too HIGH quality, and the competition is fierce.

In other words, this:

Originally Posted by killabunnies

I think as long as you manage your expectations and are realistic about what you bring to the table, you should do fine regardless of where you are. Most people get disappointed because they can't accept that they themselves aren't as great as they'd like to believe. Just my opinion.

[DomRep]

Dating is a bit difficult here yeah, mostly because I found it difficult to connect with girls here. As another poster said, the woman I have met in the past cared more about their job and tried to tell me how how awesome it is rather than to sit down and actually talk to me you know?

Luckily I met someone, at a SUPER BOWL party this past February. Completely unexpected. We hit it off, and we've been together ever since.

[DCforever]

If you can't get laid in DC, you're lacking. This is an environment with a large population of young single women and a huge population of cougars.

[coldbliss]

Originally Posted by seiketsu

In any other place, you'd be satisfied with that. But because DC has such a high number of educated, professional women, you feel entitled to one of them -- and none of the MANY women in this area who are also of modest means / average quality appeals to you.

That's a strange comment. Entitlement? Yes, I feel entitled to a romantic relationship with any woman regardless of socio-economic background, class, or race. If you do not feel entitled to a loving relationship with another human being than you ain't human.

Otherwise, your comment is complete nonsense. You claim dudes shoot high for educated, professional women and they reject women with less education, less professional status. Interesting. Actually, I think most men are more secure and confident by dating someone of equal or lower status. Have you been reading article after article (Washington Post, The Washingtonian, The City Paper, a gazillion local blogs) about how higher educated, higher professional status women in DC feel left out in the dating scene? In other words, they are not coveted but rather neglected by single men. Could it be because of "high quality" women have unrealistic expectations in a potential mate? Or could it be that the educational and professional achievements by women are too intimating for men? Personally, I think it's a combination of both. I would never feel comfortable dating a woman with an Ivy League degree for instance. I would feel like she would have to "dumb" things down for me.

Originally Posted by seiketsu

In other words, it's not that women in DC are low quality (the argument that usually is repeated on these threads). It's that they're too HIGH quality, and the competition is fierce.

How do you define "High Quality"? If you mean: high quality personality, high quality humor, high quality spontaneity, high quality sensitivity, high quality morals then, indeed, the competition would be crazy for women here. Ditto for most of the male population too.

If "High Quality" means that she has higher socio-economic status, education status and ambitious career goals then there is a reasonable expectation that she will search for a mate with similar values and background. This is where competition withers away because men do not have the same class and education background OR they do not feel comfortable with the sky-high achievement expectations. Why would I compete for someone's affection when there is a high possibility of rejection? I would not make the cut, anyway. I know my limitations and Killabunnies hit the bulls eye with her statement.

The competition may be "fierce" for your definition of "High Quality" women in DC but I am not one of the contestants for the prize (i.e. nightmare).

[nasridian]

Originally Posted by DCforever

If you can't get laid in DC, you're lacking. This is an environment with a large population of young single women and a huge population of cougars.

Good line - I'll have to lay this on one of my friends at a bar one of these days.

Well, I see several points here and my take on it is yes, I also feel that women are more driven by socio-economic status in DC than in other cities (which is why I mentioned the whole 'southen debutantes ball' thing), even more so than NYC in which I spent a number of years in. By the way seiketsu - you're absolutely right about NYC, the relationship "burn-rate" is quite high and it's usually about the BBD - but I think men are far more guilty of this over there.

Anyways, what gets me the most about dating women in this city is that even the poor ones, the birkenstock wearing, granola munching, save the desert porpoises, non-prof/ngo girls who make no more than a cashier at Wal-Mart expects to date a guy that makes a high salary, has an impressive title, etc. Now I have both, but I sure don't want to flaunt it in order to keep my mate, or talk about it incessantly at a party in order to attract someone. Nor do I want to subsidize her quality of life and non-prof job with my income.

While on the other hand, women here who have high salary jobs (e.g. corporate attorney, etc.) seem to be very businesslike with their dates and money. I've been on two dates with attorneys that worked for big firms here and each one seemed like an interview...funny story, on one of these first dates (last one as well), she convinced me to allow her to wear my watch and then wouldn't give it back to me the entire time...said she wanted to see what I looked like under stress! (WTF?!). If you're reading this post - you know who you are - I didn't return your text for a good reason!

[DCforever]

Originally Posted by nasridian

Good line - I'll have to lay this on one of my friends at a bar one of these days.

Well, I see several points here and my take on it is yes, I also feel that women are more driven by socio-economic status in DC than in other cities (which is why I mentioned the whole 'southen debutantes ball' thing), even more so than NYC in which I spent a number of years in. By the way seiketsu - you're absolutely right about NYC, the relationship "burn-rate" is quite high and it's usually about the BBD - but I think men are far more guilty of this over there.

Anyways, what gets me the most about dating women in this city is that even the poor ones, the birkenstock wearing, granola munching, save the desert porpoises, non-prof/ngo girls who make no more than a cashier at Wal-Mart expects to date a guy that makes a high salary, has an impressive title, etc. Now I have both, but I sure don't want to flaunt it in order to keep my mate, or talk about it incessantly at a party in order to attract someone. Nor do I want to subsidize her quality of life and non-prof job with my income.

While on the other hand, women here who have high salary jobs (e.g. corporate attorney, etc.) seem to be very businesslike with their dates and money. I've been on two dates with attorneys that worked for big firms here and each one seemed like an interview...funny story, on one of these first dates (last one as well), she convinced me to allow her to wear my watch and then wouldn't give it back to me the entire time...said she wanted to see what I looked like under stress! (WTF?!). If you're reading this post - you know who you are - I didn't return your text for a good reason!

Yeah, I can see you having difficulty.

[11KAP]

you gotta get em one at
a time, so holla at em.

[killabunnies]

Originally Posted by 11KAP

you gotta get em one at
a time, so holla at em.

^^ this is unexpectedly astute and totally true. I get hit on by some of the most disgusting, broke, lame dudes who spend their days hanging out in front of the CVS in my hood. They know I won't give them the time of day but they holla anyway. It isn't just me, they holla at any and every woman who wanders by. So if they hit on 100 or 1000 women and just ONE actually falls for it, then their plan worked, right?