Quick question for the Guys, what do you guys think of the dating scene here? (eyeglasses, lawyer)

[nasridian]

So, I've lived in DC for about five years now off and on, and have found the dating scene here to be wanting – I'm talking about the heterosexual dating scene by the way. I'm sure the girls have their opinions on guys here and I don't mean this thread to be negative, but just wanted to get other guys' opinions about how they view the quality of women and the general dating scene.

I feel that DC is kind of a strange place to date in the first place. New York City the same, but the girls in New York City are more aggressive and play less games, whereas in Southern California girls tend to play more games but are more laid-back and open at the same time. I don't know if it's just my experience but I find that girls in DC are more uppity and quite focused on the reputation to the point that it seems that I'm in some sort of southern debutantes ball.

I also just came back from San Francisco and New York City and realized that there isn't really much dating diversity here in DC. Has anybody else noticed this? In both other cities I saw blacks with whites, latinos with with Asians and everything else in between, but in DC it mainly seems to fall along race.

Anyways, I know how these types of threads can exacerbate, rather than inform debates, but hopefully we can stick to the more civilized side?

[killabunnies]

White guys in San Francisco have an Asian fetish, that's not a good comparison, btw.

[reddoor54]

I have to disagree with your lack of diversity comment. I see a lot of interracial and international couples in random places all over the city. I've seen a lot of Asian girl/Caucasian guy couples especially too (but I think that's pretty common everywhere).

Also, I'm not a guy, so can't really give my two cents on quality of women in the dating scene. But I don't think all women are like that - I know I'm definitely not uppity. Obviously it'd be nice if a guy I'm seeing had a good/steady job, but as for his employer I don't really care if he works for someone famous or not.

I have only been on one date since moving here a year ago (I'm not proactively looking to date, just kinda let things happen) and the guy ended up being a HUGE immature jerk even though he was a good 5 years older than me. I don't mind rejection, but I expect common courtesy and I absolutely HATE mind games. Anyway, I know not all guys in DC are like that - but it certainly left a bad taste in my mouth and I'm not eager to proactively date at this point. Just my two cents as a girl in DC...

[HurricaneDC]

DC should be nuked the dating scene is awful here.

[seiketsu]

Just do a search for "dating," this topic has been discussed ad nauseam.

Let me help you out with a summary of all threads:

Average to below-average guy who spends a lot of time on the internet and is only interested in young, hot women: "The women in DC suck. They only care about work and power. They are uppity and snobbish and not even cute enough to justify that. Dating in [insert any city here] is SOOO much better."

Woman: "There's nobody left. I'm all alone. But please don't confuse my desire to be with somebody for a desperation to be with anybody."

Guys think that simply by being male and open for business, women are obligated to return interest. Guys don't understand why they can't meet the Perfect Woman while prowling for hookups in bars. Any woman who thinks a guy should actually bring something to the table (whether it's stable employment, maturity, a great sense of humor, not being an insufferable bore, whatever -- everyone has different standards) is being unreasonable. Women don't understand why they're being pressured to settle for someone who doesn't do it for them physically, intellectually, or emotionally.

Thus, an impasse.

Also, I used to live in New York. NYC is a far, far more difficult place than DC to date, at least if your goal is a relationship and not a string of one-night stands. Everyone is busy and everyone thinks there's always someone better just around the corner. I suspect that most people who hail New York as a dating mecca have never actually dated in New York.

[coldbliss]

I'll add a few more.

1. You have dudes who write, "Dating is a piece of cake here in DC". Then they go on about how every dude should get out of his comfort zone and approach the ladies. Oh yeah, "just be yourself".

So let's say you are short. You are overweight. You wear eyeglasses. You don't make six-figures in income and you don't have a position of power in a powerful organization. You don't have a kill 'em dead sense of humor. You don't even have the best fashion sense (even by DC's low standards).

In other words, you are just being yourself. And being yourself if you are not physically attractive enough, you are not wealthy enough, you are not powerful enough in your career, will absolutely diminish your dating chances.

The dudes who say dating is easy here in DC: they have something going for them in the looks department and in the career path department. Nuff said.

2. DC Women have impossible standards. Just expanding on Seiketsu's point.

Women in other places of the nation have simple standards for a man:
1. Don't do drugs.
2. Don't have a prison record.
3. Don't abuse kids and animals.
4. Don't be a player.
5. Be employed. Doesn't matter whether you are a lawyer or a janitor. Just be able to support yourself.

Women in DC usually have the following standards:
1. Graduated from an elite or well known university.
2. Be on the UP and UP with your career prospects. The dude better have aspirations for titles such as "Director", "Senior Vice-President", "Partner", "CEO".
3. Extra points for being in a fraternity.
4. Volunteered to teach English or deliver grain to poor kids in Africa or Southeast Asia. Do-gooders in their youth are prized here. But the careerism and ambition for power should take hold later.
5. Speaking more than one language fluently helps your chances.
6. Political campaign war room stories really makes a woman's heart flutter in this town.
7. Stupid stories from binge drinking experiences in college actually appeals to women here. Don't get it. Maybe the sorority sisters can relate to being stupid at 20 years old.
8. Fitness is hot. Working out in the gym is not enough though. Dudes get the edge if they do triathlons, marathons and bicycle tour races.
9.

Too many women in DC have these standards. Ugly ones. Beautiful ones. Skinny. Fat. White girls. Asian girls. Black girls. Women who are 22 years old. Women who are 42 years old. I don't understand why DC women are incredibly judgmental about a man's education history, career goals or lifestyle.

So I don't know about you guys. But I think my chances would be better finding love FAR, FAR outside the Beltway.

Originally Posted by seiketsu

Just do a search for "dating," this topic has been discussed ad nauseam.

Let me help you out with a summary of all threads:

Average to below-average guy who spends a lot of time on the internet and is only interested in young, hot women: "The women in DC suck. They only care about work and power. They are uppity and snobbish and not even cute enough to justify that. Dating in [insert any city here] is SOOO much better."

Woman: "There's nobody left. I'm all alone. But please don't confuse my desire to be with somebody for a desperation to be with anybody."

Guys think that simply by being male and open for business, women are obligated to return interest. Guys don't understand why they can't meet the Perfect Woman while prowling for hookups in bars. Any woman who thinks a guy should actually bring something to the table (whether it's stable employment, maturity, a great sense of humor, not being an insufferable bore, whatever -- everyone has different standards) is being unreasonable. Women don't understand why they're being pressured to settle for someone who doesn't do it for them physically, intellectually, or emotionally.

Thus, an impasse.

Also, I used to live in New York. NYC is a far, far more difficult place than DC to date, at least if your goal is a relationship and not a string of one-night stands. Everyone is busy and everyone thinks there's always someone better just around the corner. I suspect that most people who hail New York as a dating mecca have never actually dated in New York.

[HurricaneDC]

I agree bliss, I think the prospects are much better in other parts of the country.

[seiketsu]

Originally Posted by coldbliss

Women in DC usually have the following standards:
1. Graduated from an elite or well known university.
2. Be on the UP and UP with your career prospects. The dude better have aspirations for titles such as "Director", "Senior Vice-President", "Partner", "CEO".
3. Extra points for being in a fraternity.
4. Volunteered to teach English or deliver grain to poor kids in Africa or Southeast Asia. Do-gooders in their youth are prized here. But the careerism and ambition for power should take hold later.
5. Speaking more than one language fluently helps your chances.
6. Political campaign war room stories really makes a woman's heart flutter in this town.
7. Stupid stories from binge drinking experiences in college actually appeals to women here. Don't get it. Maybe the sorority sisters can relate to being stupid at 20 years old.
8. Fitness is hot. Working out in the gym is not enough though. Dudes get the edge if they do triathlons, marathons and bicycle tour races.
9.

Too many women in DC have these standards. Ugly ones. Beautiful ones. Skinny. Fat. White girls. Asian girls. Black girls. Women who are 22 years old. Women who are 42 years old. I don't understand why DC women are incredibly judgmental about a man's education history, career goals or lifestyle.

So I don't know about you guys. But I think my chances would be better finding love FAR, FAR outside the Beltway.

I don't know anybody who has those requirements. But yes, you will need to have more to offer than not being a convicted felon. And I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but unappealing guys have a hard time dating everywhere. This is not unique to DC.

[movinghere]

Originally Posted by coldbliss

I'll add a few more.

1. You have dudes who write, "Dating is a piece of cake here in DC". Then they go on about how every dude should get out of his comfort zone and approach the ladies. Oh yeah, "just be yourself".

So let's say you are short. You are overweight. You wear eyeglasses. You don't make six-figures in income and you don't have a position of power in a powerful organization. You don't have a kill 'em dead sense of humor. You don't even have the best fashion sense (even by DC's low standards).

In other words, you are just being yourself. And being yourself if you are not physically attractive enough, you are not wealthy enough, you are not powerful enough in your career, will absolutely diminish your dating chances.

The dudes who say dating is easy here in DC: they have something going for them in the looks department and in the career path department. Nuff said.

2. DC Women have impossible standards. Just expanding on Seiketsu's point.

Women in other places of the nation have simple standards for a man:
1. Don't do drugs.
2. Don't have a prison record.
3. Don't abuse kids and animals.
4. Don't be a player.
5. Be employed. Doesn't matter whether you are a lawyer or a janitor. Just be able to support yourself.

Women in DC usually have the following standards:
1. Graduated from an elite or well known university.
2. Be on the UP and UP with your career prospects. The dude better have aspirations for titles such as "Director", "Senior Vice-President", "Partner", "CEO".
3. Extra points for being in a fraternity.
4. Volunteered to teach English or deliver grain to poor kids in Africa or Southeast Asia. Do-gooders in their youth are prized here. But the careerism and ambition for power should take hold later.
5. Speaking more than one language fluently helps your chances.
6. Political campaign war room stories really makes a woman's heart flutter in this town.
7. Stupid stories from binge drinking experiences in college actually appeals to women here. Don't get it. Maybe the sorority sisters can relate to being stupid at 20 years old.
8. Fitness is hot. Working out in the gym is not enough though. Dudes get the edge if they do triathlons, marathons and bicycle tour races.
9.

Too many women in DC have these standards. Ugly ones. Beautiful ones. Skinny. Fat. White girls. Asian girls. Black girls. Women who are 22 years old. Women who are 42 years old. I don't understand why DC women are incredibly judgmental about a man's education history, career goals or lifestyle.

So I don't know about you guys. But I think my chances would be better finding love FAR, FAR outside the Beltway.

What I find interesting is that neither of your lists mention much about personality, values, or lifestyle. What about things like common interests, a similar sense of humor, activities that you both enjoy doing together, similar/different life goals (ie whether one of u wants kids soon but the other wants to spend the next decade drinking and clubbing), that sort of thing?

Personally I've found it very hard to connect with people here, as most people seem to mainly want to convince you that their job is prestigious but aren't very interested to get discover common interests and get to know you personality-wise.

[coldbliss]

Yeah, but my whole point is that women in different locations have different standards. Socio-economic class, race and education play a role as well. What might be considered unappealing to educated, professional women in DC might work quite well for women of modest means in other parts of the country. And vice versa.

There is no uniform definition of an appealing or unappealing guy.

Originally Posted by seiketsu

I don't know anybody who has those requirements. But yes, you will need to have more to offer than not being a convicted felon. And I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but unappealing guys have a hard time dating everywhere. This is not unique to DC.