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Old 10-14-2011, 12:19 AM
 
663 posts, read 1,079,525 times
Reputation: 945

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I did not see another place to post my question so if the WA forum is the wrong place, let me know.

My dad passed away very recently at the age of 59. I am 40 and his only child, his only next of kin. He was single when he passed away. Dad and me both lived/live in Washington. To my knowledge he did not have a will but I'm not certain. I will find out more tomorrow when I am at his home.

Dad did not have a lot of "stuff" but does have money in the bank, not wealthy but fairly comfortable. He does not have any bills besides normal living expenses (he rented his home, did not own) and a cell phone. There are going to be cremation expenses and some medical bills. He died in the hospital shortly after being taken off life support; he had not been in the hospital long but medical bills add up quickly.

As I mentioned, I am his only next of kin and it does not appear I will be receiving any financial help from his four siblings or parents. I am paying for the funeral expenses tomorrow. I absolutely do not have an issue paying for everything I can, but my husband and me are not made of money.

As I understand it, if there is no will all of my dad's estate would go to me since he was not married at the time of death and did not have any other children. Does anyone know if this is a correct understanding of how this works? I want to make sure all of the bills are paid and it's going to take more than what I/we have, especially with his family not helping.

If dad decided at some point to put together a will and allocated most/all of the money to another relative/someone else (it's not likely but dad and I did have our ups and downs over the years), how does this impact me? I love my dad and don't have an issue paying for his expenses but the money.....coming up with all of it would be a tough one. His family (siblings/parents) expect me to put together a memorial/get-together type event (dad was not religious) and on a somewhat large scale. Well, mostly it's his mother/my grandmother and I understand how she feels but all of this costs money.

I don't want my dad's passing to turn into a family drama and I'm trying to not step on toes. I was raised mostly by my mom and I'm closer to and know her family much more. So aside from being very sad and shocking (his age - still young; and the time between finding out he was in the hospital and subsequent death was less than 24 hours), and this was all very recent.....I'm trying to navigate my way through this with relatives I don't know as well, and with his personal finance situation I also do not know much about. Along with having to make one of the biggest decisions of my life about dad's life support.

I've never been through this before so any insight, advice, etc would be great. Thanks in advance.
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Old 10-14-2011, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Aloverton
6,560 posts, read 14,412,214 times
Reputation: 10164
Offhand I think it's pretty amazing everyone expects you to put on the big memorial but no one's stepping up to help you pay for it. If I am ever in that position, my family has a pretty good idea the answers it would get from me.

I'd make an appointment with an estate planning attorney. No disrespect to your relatives, but the kind of people who say "You should do and pay for this because I want it" are the kind of people who tend to start to smell money. People do very strange things when people die, and family are (in many cases) the worst vultures there are when it comes to money. I'd take the steps advised by the estate planning attorney, and not color outside the lines no matter who pressures you.
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Old 10-15-2011, 11:49 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,632 posts, read 57,639,315 times
Reputation: 46069
Whoops, I didn't understand the urgency or would have replied sooner. (memorial service...)

I highly recommend advice and funeral services from People's Memorial
While they are Seattle based, they have service agreements with lots of places.

They have a wealth of info on their website for a variety of death issues.

I have done very inexpensive memorials for the many seniors (and family) that I assist as a volunteer.

There are several community facilities you can get for free or minimal charge for cleaning. There are church and other groups that will help cater.

RE: legal issues, follow JKK advice above. DO GET REFERRAL / references for any attorney you find (and follow up on them). It helps to make calls and talk with them BEFORE signing up for services AND GET A NOT TO EXCEED Fee Quotation). I just got severely burned by a simple transaction with attorney (after many successful encounters).. I note a trend of that, since the economy (and their business) is down, they tend to be fleecing anyone that walks through the door. (My senior clients are often 'lawyer bait') .
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Old 10-16-2011, 02:35 PM
 
663 posts, read 1,079,525 times
Reputation: 945
Quote:
Originally Posted by j_k_k;
Offhand I think it's pretty amazing everyone expects you to put on the big memorial but no one's stepping up to help you pay for it. If I am ever in that position, my family has a pretty good idea the answers it would get from me.

I'd make an appointment with an estate planning attorney. No disrespect to your relatives, but the kind of people who say "You should do and pay for this because I want it" are the kind of people who tend to Ed to smell money. People do very strange things when people die, and family are (in many cases) the worst vultures there are when it comes to money. I'd take the steps advised by the estate planning attorney, and not color outside the lines no matter who pressures you.
I know, right? His family has not been much help at all with the exception of one of his brothers.....and I'm still treading carefully there. I was at my dad's side when he passed, his mother next to me. No more than 5 minutes later she demanded his burial at the most expensive place in Seattle and then brought up the memorial service. I am having him cremated as this would be what he would have wanted. She's been told as much and looked taken aback and left the hospital shortly thereafter.

I believe his mom and at least one of the siblings are sniffing around big time. They'll be shocked to find out, as was I, my dad's financial life was in dire straits, not a solvent estate as it once was. He has a LOT of credit card/personal loan debt and was down to few assets not amounting too much. The last 5-6 months he was frequenting the liquor store daily, usually $30-50 spent a day.

Anyhow, I have all the paperwork of his I could find, his wallet, credit cards, cell phone, and I drove his car to my home. I am going to keep the car but sell the motorcycle once I can get it here and in my name. There are only a few of his possessions from inside his place that I want, and there's not a lot anyway. Pretty Spartan. His family can do whatever with the rest, anything left over donated. I'm not in this to benefit but I want to make sure his family doesn't either; which they won't but likely think otherwise. Particularly since the estate is insolvent.....I may not even be reimbursed for the cremation expenses, things are that bad with his finances. Last thing I'm going to do is plan some black-tie shindig because grandma thinks it needs to be done.

The worst of this is, I was the last in the family to know he was even sick. I now know at the beginning of the year he was given 6-8 months to live. He only actually told one person, his brother. Dad refused to tell me, said he never wanted to have that conversation with me. My dad was not well mentally/emotionally and those things have been issues for most his life. Anyhow, his family argued over who was going to tell me and none of them
did until less than 24 hours before dad died. At that point my uncle knew the end was coming and they could no longer pass the buck. I realize my dad put his brother in this spot, but I still think someone should have told me.

I'm not trying to be paranoid but I don't feel like I can trust these people. Hopefully it's just my emotions on overdrive.
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Old 10-16-2011, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Aloverton
6,560 posts, read 14,412,214 times
Reputation: 10164
Good luck. It's tough enough dealing with the impact on yourself without feeling like family are more your adversaries than your support. Shield yourself legally, above everything and all.
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