Making Friends in Western Washington (Seattle, Olympia: living in, price, moving)

[compltlyme]

Originally Posted by Fat Freddy

I am basically a very friendly person. I always wave to my neighbors and stop and chat for a while if we meet. But, I have no interest in being "friends". I don't care anything about their lives and my life is none of their business.

I don't want anyone coming to visit, and I don't want to go visit anyone else. I like to do things alone or with my wife and if anyone comes to my door, other than the UPS guy, I consider it an intrusion into my privacy.

But, none of this stops me from being a nice, easy going, friendly guy.

And this being the point of my starting this post... everyone is so friendly but no one wants to build friendships.. Okay maybe not "no one" but most that I have met. I think for my son who is 24 it has been better because in the past couple of years he has built lots of friendships and he is out or has people over all the time... So being young is a plus to build friendships. But anything older and it's difficult.

I have a friend who lives in the Bellevue area. I have known her since I was 11 from Southern CA. She called in tears because the youth pastor of her church told her she wasn't being a good friend by not building our friendship back up with me being so new here. He is also from the same place in So Ca that she and I are from. He reminded her hard it was to build friendships up here and told her to call me. She and I talked and I told her I understand that she is busy with her 5 children. But got some insight on what was going on. She has been here 18 years, and still can't say she has one or two friends that are really close the way we had friends down in CA. I guess I am glad to know it isn't me.

so here is what I have decided... I will work and know people from work. I will do my activities and know people through that... then I will go home. So I have to buy a big creepy house at the end of some block with mature trees and shrubs... I will import spiders for the webs and buy 40 cats... and chase children with a broom when they come into my yard!!!

okay mabye not...

[pirate_lafitte]

Originally Posted by compltlyme

Oh I have to disagree with you... Although having a challenge making friends up here.. I have become aware of how really very kind and helpful people are up here. There is very much a focus on family here. That's just it... Where I came from in So Ca.. every one was very much for themselves. The parents doing one thing the kids another. My son and I did so much together and everyone thought that was strange. People here are very much into their own families and long time friends that they do things together and are very tight and tend to excluse outsiders.

I would never consider it "dead" up here. There is so much life. I feel safe up here even with strangers...not stupidly safe, but in general. I love going to the parks and seeing families together playing. I go to games and concerts and see entire families... not just the kids doing one thing and the parents no where to be found. They are side by side. I guess since my family is grown and gone/leaving.. I find myself mostly alone and am not used to it. I had such a big circle of friends in So Ca and making new friends was easy because there are so many lonely people there. Up here... it seems to me to be all about family and close friends.

If the exclusion of outsiders is the case, then how does an "outsider" make friends in western Washington? I am serious. If I were to move to Seattle, would I remain alone for a long time?

[compltlyme]

Originally Posted by mr_evergreen

If the exclusion of outsiders is the case, then how does an "outsider" make friends in western Washington? I am serious. If I were to move to Seattle, would I remain alone for a long time?

by your screen name Mr...going to think man???? If you are a guy, I think it is easier to make friends because most guys bond over anything... beer even.. and boom you are buddies. But with women I think it maybe a bit more difficult because we tend to look for deeper more meaningful friendships. I can only speak from my experience. Yes it has been difficult to make deep friendships here. But then I work from home and work a lot. I don't belong to any church or groups. I don't really have a lot of time for taking up hobbies. Maybe if I were out there more it would be different. But after reading other's responses it doesn't seem to make any difference. I usually make friends very easy and I have many life long friendships...in other states. This is the first time I have had this challenge.

So I personally can't say if you will be alone for a long time. All we can do here is share our experiences and hope it helps you make the right decision for you. Luck to you...

[gentledental4u]

I'm looking to make new friends here. and I don't want to meet them in the club scene or bars. any suggestions??

[malarkey]

wow, what a juicy thread.

I've lived in Seattle for 22 years and I have fabulous friends, but I've heard this general complaint from a few people. If so many people are experiencing this, then it has to be true to a certain extent. Fat Freddy even admits to being a isolationist, and seems to consider any overtures to real friendship annoying.

I made most of my friends through work, and through interest groups. One of the most social and active is the group of foodies I know. They are always going out, cooking together, having lunch/dinner, etc. Very outgoing and always welcoming of newcomers.

I've also made friends because of my involvement with horses. I've leased and/or owned horses for most of the last 12 years. The horsey set here is relatively small, so everyone knows everyone and socializing comes naturally.

All that being said, it is probably the weather that will eventually drive me away from Seattle. While I love this city, I just can't take the seemingly endless gray days.

Remember there are a lot of Scandinavians here. Garrison Kellor says "they aren't born, they're chipped off an iceberg."

[dogmom]

I guess the best combination would be western WA in the summer and Sacramento in the winter. Our winters are the best-just wish our winters would last longer! You are correct--it's still warmer here. I'm looking out at Capitol Park in downtown Sac and it's 60 degrees and mostly sunny. Sorry, you can get me back in the summer when it really bites here!

KidBlue...it's biting already isn't it. If you want to live in a really, really unfriendly place..try St. George, Utah...I can't even tell you...we moved here from east of Sac in Oct. 2005, just made the decision to come back 'home'. Summers are killers here, at least in Sac the delta breeze shows up. No breeze here unless you count the wind that feels like a blow dryer.

We bought a teeny mobile in western WA a few months ago, expressly for summer. I have cousins nearby so making friends isn't a big concern of mine, but I totally understand. If you aren't part of the local 'culture' no one will give you the time of day.

[Fat Freddy]

Originally Posted by dogmom

[color="Blue"]

If you aren't part of the local 'culture' no one will give you the time of day.

I'm not sure what the "local culture" is, but everyone I deal with is always very friendly to me and my VISA card.
But I never ask for anything free, like the time of day. I wear a watch.

[dogmom]

Ha! Good one...they like me well enough with my Visa card too. I was referrng to the religion or culture as I call it. Thought we could handle it, turns out we can't. I don't mean to offend, so sorry if I did. But for the most part it's very unfriendly to 'outsiders'. When we moved in I had several neighbor ladies rush over to meet us, got fairly friendly with a couple, had dinner together a few times it was nice. Then all of a sudden neither of them will even look at us...we wave, they just stare. Guess they must have figured out we werern't going to be going to the church with them, so we are like kryptonite. How hard is to at least wave hi to someone. Well, I am over it, but it was hurtful as I am a nice person and could have been a good friend. Their loss. We miss our kids and nieces and nephews so that is part of the reason for our return...and the heat is just a killer. I can't take it. So we will sell the house and head home. Like I said, I did not mean to offend.

[Ultrarunner]

Sorry that St. George was a bust for you.

My neighbor's daughter and son-in-law moved there two years ago. They can't say enough good things about the place. He works at a distribution center in "Dixie" and they live in a golf course community. They are a young LDS family with 2 children. Do you think being LDS makes a difference?

I'm not Mormon, but several of my neighbors are and I could not ask for better neighbors.

[dogmom]

Hi Ultrarunner...yes, being LDS makes all the difference. We have found, at least in our neighborhood, if you don't attend their church, you are a pariah. I really wonder if they are afraid of us non-members? I don't know, we have lived in several homes over the last 30 years and we have never not been able to be friends with our neighbors. I feel bad for my dad, my mom and dad live with us, they sold their house in Palm Desert and they are with us...he keeps trying to wave and chat..no one will bother with him. We are really lonely...husband is retired, I am a young retiree...we have some health problems but nothing that would impair our ability to visit with the neighbors...we miss our friends at home...our kids..I was thinking for a while if our kids were young and at home maybe that would make a difference. Then I thought about it and I'm so glad I don't have young kids here because they would be shunned, too. So...have a real nice home for sale...we didn't want to move again, but we are not going to live out our lives in this place...I feel like I am going to shrivel up and fade away.

Maybe some areas here are better, I don't know, all I know is I want to go 'home'