Making Friends in Western Washington (Seattle, Tacoma: sales, assessor, townhome)

[Ultrarunner]

I would describe the people I have met in Western Washington as "Neighborly". My experience is limited to the South Sound around Olympia.

Don't know what to say about making lasting friendships. It is getting harder to form that kind of bond in our mobile society and almost impossible without school age kids, church fellowship or hobbies to bring people together.

I'm sure you will love Western Washington as long as you don't let the weather get to you! It really is beautiful up here...

[cobolt]

Although I really love my job and I just moved into a fabulous new place, I ultimately think the weather and people will drive me away as well. The best people I have met are the ones I work with and most of them are not originally from here--so we all connect as outsiders. I will say my neighbors are local WA peeps and they are wonderful. I absolutely love the summers here--the hiking, the scenery---but the summers are too short and we must pay such a high price to get them (lots of gray days)

[Fat Freddy]

I moved to Washington because I like to surrounded by trees rather than by people. If being around and interacting with people were my priority, I would have stayed in California. Hopefully the rest of the Californians don't feel this way and won't move here, but I fear it's just a matter of time. However, I expect to be fertilizer for the trees by then - if there are any trees left.

[ness]

Originally Posted by compltlyme

.. but after living in So CA for so many years that got old too...

Yes I will agree that friends are easier to make down there... but let me warn you from experience... be careful because you never know who your friends really are.

Husband and I are considering moving from So Cal to western WA. I am hearing a lot about this hard to make friends thing, but I think that is true whenever you move someplace new. So Cal is defintely not an easy place to make friends, in my opinion. I am curious, though, about what people's daily life consists of in western WA. Like..what is your typical day? Just trying to visualize what life would be like there. I guess I kinda have an idealistic picture of strolling through beautiful green trees and sitting and having coffee with fellow moms, etc. How realistic am I being?

[abjd1950]

Compltlyme your perception is correct. The Pac NW is-has changed. I've grown
up here my whole 50+ years and it is not the friendly place of yesteryear. I
mostly saw the changeover with the onset of the Microsoft new millionaires
and all the new tech age that brought many outsiders (meaning outside our
country) in. No one even bothers to look up and smile at you any more.
Very sad.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by ness

Husband and I are considering moving from So Cal to western WA. ... I guess I kinda have an idealistic picture of strolling through beautiful green trees and sitting and having coffee with fellow moms, etc. How realistic am I being?

I think this lifestyle is possible in some of the smaller less 'urbanized' (high speed life) communities. It does not hurt to be idealistic, if you can find a strategy to pursue your ideal. This is not Mayberry or 'Leave-it-to-Beaver' territory, and few spots can offer that anymore. I'm afraid you'll have to find a good way to search for a 'friendly' and supportive community. It would be nice if there was a measure for that! (like number of volunteer hours per capita, benevolence score of community, number of smiles or sincere greetings per day...)

Strolling through the greenery might be a stretch, with winter coming. Just be prepared to do it in a cold rain (that's what keeps it green). We're "Wash-n-Wear".

[ness]

I keep visiting WA trying to get an idea of the bad as well as the good.....but everytime I visit I just like it more and more. Even in January when it is cold. But.....I imagine it IS different when you live there. I just hope that the good outways the bad. I guess that's what you hope for in any place you choose to live.

[geometricdisaster]

This topic goes on. It's called the "Seattle Freeze" and has gotten the attention of academics and the press.

No one really has much of an answer as to why it is. Some say scandinavian and asian cultural influences (polite, but reserved), some say it's resentment by locals of the immigration influx. some blame the techie "nerd" culture; others say it's the people moving here themselves who cause this. The locals have a reputation for being flakey and not always following through with social commitments. I've found that's because the culture here is non-confrontational and people just don't want to say no. Instead, they say yeah, they'll do it, and then they just don't, hoping that the other person gets the hint and doesn't pursue the social contact.

I think there's too much observation about it to totally disregard it, but you'll generally hear from people who have adjusted well or are from the NW that the problem lies within the person complaining. I don't think that's the case always, but it's not something that anyone's going to change by complaining or discussing. The best outcome I can think of to this topic is that it allows some people to feel less like it's only their problem and may give others who have this perception that Western WA is so great more food for thought (for example, maybe someone likes to keep to themselves and isn't particularly bothered by the fact that other are also like that here; whereas, someone who thrives on having a big social network and is outgoing might reconsider based on this information).

What I really don't get, though, is why, with the high influx of people moving from other areas, the social character hasn't changed. I'm guessing that maybe it's people trying to fit in with the local culture or, if they feel they've been snubbed enough times, becoming more guarded themselves.

[citywoman]

It's ruff IMO...We lived here twice & each time, it took YEARS to make friends....

My hubby made a few chums at work & I joined almost every organization that I had any interest in at all.....But it took YEARS!!!!

And I am not talking about making a BFF. I am talking about someone with whom you could go out for coffee or lunch or go see a movie with.....

Honestly, most of our chums were newbies like us. Rarely did we have friends with any long-time or native residents.

People are very polite here but they are not what I would consider friendly. In other cities, people would recognize us a newbies & would invite us over for drinks & introduce us to others, etc.

We actually had to throw our own welcome to the neighborhood party when we lived in Issaquah! We figured it was the only way we would ever meet some of our neighbors...

People seem to tend to be rather insulated & isolated here---standoffish. They come home, get their mail, drive into their garages, & that's it.

As far as Red Hat groups, you can "join" if you are under 50. You just wear a pink hat instead of a pink one. But most members are 50 & older.

For women, the best bet seems to be to join other newcomer groups like Eastside New Neighbors & Welcome Wagon type groups. At least, you're all new!

I have joined exercise groups/clubs, taken classes at BCC, joined women's groups, etc. And as I wrote earlier, it took YEARs to make friends here.

You just really hafta put yourself out there. It ain't for the faint of heart......

[selah1029]

Find a good baptist church in your area and you are sure to make some friends. Church is a nice friendly place to meet others.