Making Friends in Western Washington (Seattle, Vancouver: to move, clubs, friendly)

[cobolt]

I've found the same thing. If you join a group for meetings, activities, or volunteering, it seems to be focused on THAT particular thing. Making friendships or doing things outside of that venue is a big no-no. I"ve discovered this in church as well as a choral group I belong to. It's just dang strange.

[Topaz]

Originally Posted by cobolt

I've found the same thing. If you join a group for meetings, activities, or volunteering, it seems to be focused on THAT particular thing. Making friendships or doing things outside of that venue is a big no-no. I"ve discovered this in church as well as a choral group I belong to. It's just dang strange.

I'm surprised by how many people are reporting that it is tough to make friends from church. I thought that church was supposed to be the BEST place to make friends in a new town.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by Topaz

I'm surprised by how many people are reporting that it is tough to make friends from church. I thought that church was supposed to be the BEST place to make friends in a new town.

The social fabric of the PNW is just quite different, including church. Ironically the 'new' church is often so activity / entertainment based there are few times to meet folks. Basically most folks show up a few minutes late, herd into an overcrowded sanctuary, and rush out the door to hurry home and watch TV or get online. There are not the numerous points of contact that were previously more social (Potlucks, Picnics, breakfasts, Sunday School, prayer meetings, work weekends, family camps, community service, small groups meeting in homes, youth choirs, adult choirs, drama groups, mission trips, providing meals for hospital / disabled / hurting families. ...)

It is similar to living in a neighborhood and having a garage door opener. You just come and go like a 'stealth spy', and don't engage in the lives of others around you.

Interesting, but I think many relationships are drifting apart, which compounds the issue of building new ones.

[cobolt]

Well, this isn't considered a "new church"---more traditional. But as you say, I was used to the potlucks, picnics, social events in previous locations resulting in friendships. Here, again people attend the event and then leave. There were a couple people at church with whom I'd get together at church, but if I invited them to do something outside of that, whether it be dinner, out for a cup of coffee, whatever, I would get this deer in the headlights stare, and then some half cocked rejection. Or...which I found more perplexing, they would accept the invitation and then never show and never say anything about it afterwards. I don't know....I've given up trying to figure it out. It is what it is.

[goldengrain]

People seem to need others with whom to chat about their personal lives.
I don't mean disrespect, but I might change churches until you get a more social group, or do some soul searching and find group therapy or a support group. I'm trying to get something going here which requires that people speak on a personal level.

I don't think it's hard to start your own meetup group. Is there one for 'making friends in Seattle'? Or 'Southerners in Seattle'? You could have it in a coffee house, I would think, explaining to the owner, or maybe a library branch has a small meeting room. If there is the same small group, perhaps you could move it to your house or change it to a once a month movie and snacks afterward for discussion, etc.

I would make it infrequent enough that people do not feel it's an obligation or are not bored with each other.

I know people who have every hour time slot in their days with something to do. They have no time for 'idle chatter'. It is a formula for success in life, but I think
part of our humanity also dictates that we dream and chat and there is something luxurious about having an open-ended evening with not much to do, sharing with friends.

There was a community college in our area that held various adult ed classes for retired people. There was a wonderful high school teacher who would give backround to science articles in the newspapers. There was a 'class' called coffee and conversation and one that discussed travelling and cruises. After several semesters of being active participants we finally got friendly with a few people and probably would have gone with them for snacks afterwards, but we moved.

There seem to be a lot of people with this problem. I think society as a whole is heading in that direction.

[Marcidee]

It has been a learning experience reading all of these passages about what it is like to move here from other parts of the country. I was born and raised here in washington. I have only traveled outside but a couple times. So I am very interested on how it must be living anywhere else but here. It sounds like people interact very differently.

I would have to agree with many of your opinions. It is wet here all of the time. It does effect many ways of interaction. Many of us mom's in my town were so excited last year because they finally built an indoor facility so that our kids could actually get together and play.

I am pleased with what I have learned reading these passages, because my husband wants to move to the eastern side of the state, mostly to get away from rainy weather here on the west side. My biggest fear is to move there and have to meet new people. And so when I read your passages, I think to myself, maybe that is why you all could move so easily, because people are much more open in other parts of the country, but when you come here,not so. And so this is what will happen to me, I will move away from everything I know and am comfortable with to a place where I won't be able to make friends. Why would I want to do that.

[Greensleeves]

Oh, you guys...this is SO funny...

I moved to Western Washington from Eastern Washington about 25 years ago. I made friends right away and still keep in touch with a few of them. I found the folks to be very warm and friendly!

Last summer, I moved to Central Idaho and have regretted it ever since, for all the same reasons some of you are saying you don't like Washington. The people here don't like outsiders at all and they don't pull any punches about it. It's just been a terribly miserable experience all around.

I dunno...I just find it sort of humorous.

[goldengrain]

Originally Posted by Greensleeves

Oh, you guys...this is SO funny...

I moved to Western Washington from Eastern Washington about 25 years ago. I made friends right away and still keep in touch with a few of them. I found the folks to be very warm and friendly!

Last summer, I moved to Central Idaho and have regretted it ever since, for all the same reasons some of you are saying you don't like Washington. The people here don't like outsiders at all and they don't pull any punches about it. It's just been a terribly miserable experience all around.

I dunno...I just find it sort of humorous.

Funny that you should observe this. I was born in Nebraska. When I was but a few years old my parents moved to the east, native to my mother.

My parents got divorced. We did not keep in touch with the family out west much, but there was a two day family reunion of about 200 people. My father asked if I would like to go. I was in my teens. I said 'sure'.

I was looking forward to meeting these people to whom I was related and hardly knew, maybe making friends.

These good solid folds from the heartland totally ignored me. I ended up sitting under a tree for two days.

I had tried complementing them, starting some innocuous and bland conversation, then some more controversial things in case they thought I was boring - nothing worked.

I, to this day, do not know where that reaction came from. It was like walking into a cultish town from a horror film. A few just ignored my queries and turned their backs on me.

Being alone does not overly bother me, as an only child l have learned to enjoy my own company.

The only thing I can think of is that perhaps they had a strong religious background and resented the divorce of my folks and hated the wicked east. Then, perhaps they were all farm kids with not a great education or opportunity and resented this kid from an eastern school.

I had always been reared to be proud of the heartland that my father had come from, and their 'solid' midwestern values, but I came to the point of view that sometimes those values might just stem from following tradition and not reflective of thought or consideration or good breeding.

I did not take it personally, for they did not know me, but rather as some peculiarity on their part.

[jojo7]

Originally Posted by Greensleeves

Oh, you guys...this is SO funny...

I moved to Western Washington from Eastern Washington about 25 years ago. I made friends right away and still keep in touch with a few of them. I found the folks to be very warm and friendly!

Last summer, I moved to Central Idaho and have regretted it ever since, for all the same reasons some of you are saying you don't like Washington. The people here don't like outsiders at all and they don't pull any punches about it. It's just been a terribly miserable experience all around.

I dunno...I just find it sort of humorous.

Well, maybe 25 years ago people were more willing to make friendships but they certainly are not that way now. I actually find it quite sad and depressing for folks who have no family living out here and who would really like to make a friend.

[Greensleeves]

Well, my point was, no matter where you go, there can be problems fitting in; the people from Idaho are probably just as perplexed by my observation that it's an unfriendly place as I am by yours that Washington is an unfriendly place.
I just find it really interesting and sort of an eye opener.