Making Friends in Western Washington (Seattle, Issaquah: fit in, transplants, house)

[compltlyme]

I have been up here over a year and a half now and have met many people. Everyone is so nice. Customer Service in great. Washington Drivers are great. Just everyone, one meets on a day to day has been wonderful. However.... making friends here has been difficult. Since I work from home, I don't make friends locally. I meet people from all over the world. But that makes it difficult to go have coffee and chat. My kids are grown and so there isn't that "school parent" friendships. Pretty much the only good friends I have made here live across the street and they are from Fla and moved in about a week after we did. I don't belong to any particular group or don't take any classes...

Just today I was talking to a few people that have left this area that told me that making friend for them up here was really tough. They got homesick and left... why do you think making solid friends up here is so difficult?

I have never had this challenge before. I am outgoing and love to talk to everyone. I don't have any special criteria for friends. I like all kinds of people. Meeting people is easy but making friends seems so difficult. Everyone seems so busy and already in a circle of friendships. They don't seem to be wanting to let outsiders in.

Your thoughts???

[the dufferz]

As odd as this will sound, it is the NW, or west coast culture. I hear this a lot about our area. It has not always been this way. when I was a kid, we knew everybody on the block, what church they went to, where the kids were... it was family.

I am not a professional who has studied this, but my take is that Western Washington is a immigration state. Where most older states have families that have been there since Lincoln, the west coast and Washington is populated with migrants from other states. The sense of family is lost for many, so we busy ourselves with work and home. This has been much more pronounced since the 60's.

Another factor is that people move on average every about 7 years. New neighborhood means new people, but why bother, they will be moving out soon...

To make friends outside the immediate circle takes work. It takes getting outside the house and office. But when it rains we tend to hunker down to keep dry in our caves. When the weather is nice, we tend to selfishly use that time for our personal enjoyment, so it is difficult to break through.

Even at a church people can attend for years and not know anybody, but typically if it is a good church, friends can be made. That can be balance out on the "other side" by looking at Fraternity Snoqualmie on the Issaquah Hobart rd. They are probably all pretty close. Nudist colonies tend to be anyway (my job took me there once, confirmed why I was not a nudist, nor would want to be) .

Homes here do not have front porches. Back yards all have fences.

What you sense is not just you. I am sure other will add to my thoughts, or laugh at me.

I hear the problem is worse in Oregon because they don't want outsiders coming in.

[KidBlue]

I'm not sure if you are in to this or not, but you might try joining one of the Red Hat groups in the area. I checked on the Red Hat Web site and there seems to be quite a few chapters in various areas accepting new members. If you don't like the type of activities one group does, you can check out another group.

Not being much of a church person (the obvious place to meet people), I've also made friends through volunteer organizations. If you knit, there are groups of women all over that knit for charities or that meet at local coffee shops or yarn shops to knit and talk, talk, talk (at least they do that here!).

[compltlyme]

Thanks for the replies... And kidblue... I am not quite there yet to be able to join that society. You have to be 50+ I believe. I still have some time to go and besides... I look terrible in hats!

Yeah I don't do the chuch thing either... after thinking about it.. Gosh I am such a computer nerd!!! I spend so much time working.

Duff... You made a lot of good points and I think I would pass on the nudist thing as well. Too cold up here

I was just curious if others felt the same way...

Any other transplants... if you have been here a while, how long has it taken for you to feel like you belong?

[the dufferz]

Originally Posted by compltlyme

Duff... You made a lot of good points and I think I would pass on the nudist thing as well. Too cold up here

I asked the people I met, who lived there, what they did in the winter time. Mrs. H. looked at me and said "we're nudist, but we're not crazy". Nuf said.

If your one a residential street, try getting the neighbors over for a texas hold-up tourney. Chips, drinks, 20 bucks. Guy stuff.

[compltlyme]

Originally Posted by the dufferz

If your one a residential street, try getting the neighbors over for a texas hold-up tourney. Chips, drinks, 20 bucks. Guy stuff.

Cool... me and a bunch of guys... wonder what my son would say!! Seriously... he would probably say..."Yep...that's my Mom."

[madicarus2000]

Funny thing is my wife and I moved here from SoCal to West Seattle, temporarily, and we really didnt get to meet any of the neighbors. They were nice but seemed to be distant like they didnt want "new" friends. We found a nice little town in Grays Harbor that we moved to but it is so far the same. We tried to meet some of the neighbors but except for a friendly wave, no one has actually tried to introduce themselves to us. So far the only neighbors we've chatted with a lot and seem to be more friendly with is the neighbors who just moved into their house less than a month after we moved into ours. So yes, the only new people we've seem to be friendly with are the new people, just like us.

[compltlyme]

Originally Posted by madicarus2000

Funny thing is my wife and I moved here from SoCal to West Seattle, temporarily, and we really didnt get to meet any of the neighbors. They were nice but seemed to be distant like they didnt want "new" friends. We found a nice little town in Grays Harbor that we moved to but it is so far the same. We tried to meet some of the neighbors but except for a friendly wave, no one has actually tried to introduce themselves to us. So far the only neighbors we've chatted with a lot and seem to be more friendly with is the neighbors who just moved into their house less than a month after we moved into ours. So yes, the only new people we've seem to be friendly with are the new people, just like us.

What part of So Ca???

Yeah... I am the one who goes to the neighbors to invite them for gathering etc... and only a few show up but then seem to keep to themselves until my next gathering...

[movintotennessee]

I don't know where you are from but I have been born and raised here for 37 years. I have had only a few deep friendships for a reasonable length of time. I have never fit in here, I always felt people are cold here, distant, self-centered and don't have time for me or anyone else. My husband and I have been down South and recently decided to move there. The people are friendly, warm and hospitable there, unlike here. I've never experienced it here and know I never will. I've lived all over Washington State and have seen the same climate with the same type of "too good for you" people. There's no focus on family here, no focus on friends and the church is shallow and all for entertainment. It is a dead land with dead people. Anyways, sorry you had to move here. May you consider moving somewhere "warmer".

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by compltlyme

I have been up here over a year and a half now and have met many people. Everyone is so nice. Customer Service in great. Washington Drivers are great. Just everyone, one meets on a day to day has been wonderful. However.... making friends here has been difficult. ... Meeting people is easy but making friends seems so difficult. Everyone seems so busy and already in a circle of friendships. They don't seem to be wanting to let outsiders in.

Your thoughts???

This seems true to our experience, the friends we can count on are from an earlier life and home, (Colorado, Wyo, NE) this has never really been home. Friendly enough, just not relationship minded.

My best experiences for friends have been from beach camping trips with homeschool families, and Master Gardeners / Orchardists + Farmers. From there you can try clubs that spend considerable time together (mountain / hiking / kayak / photography); then other clubs -quilting, reading, science, investment, volunteering, gardening; Then classes; dance, hobbies, investment,

Another way is to find a 'guest home' directory, and start traveling around. The people who open their homes are typically a friendly and helpful bunch. (even locally, PNW )

The loggers / settlers / tree huggers seem to be pretty proud of their independence, but that can really bite you if you get in a pinch. I'm sure glad the folks in WY would stop for you when you broke down, the PNW'rs have been known to hit you and keep going!! Hopefully more of the exception than the rule There are lots of 'nice' people around, just not too interested in being bothered. Don't hold out too high of expectations for the current era of 'entitlement'.

Most folks haven't gone hungry to feed a neighbor, or been cold to share their firewood, or missed a meal to meet payroll. We're in a different era now. (gimmee's / me-no-wanna)