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From my experience, I've noticed that women in particular are put under ALOT of pressure to have these big grandiose extravagent weddings, even if they don't want them. Once they tell people they are getting married EVERY OTHER woman who knows them has advice about how to put it together and wants say-so. It's not entirely their fault either and I sympathisze with them, because Mom, Grand Mom, Aunt Whoever, Older Cousin whoever, Older sister whoever will try to completely TAKE OVER everything. It's almost as if they don't have a choice.
Even my soon to be fiance is going through this. And I am trying my damndest to keep it very simple--immediate family ONLY, so that we don't get all caught up with trying to please everyone. THEN we will have a catered dinner for friends and family after the honeymoon.
Tell them you're taking opinions for $1,000 each paid up front.
I would tell her that if these people are real friends & good family, then they'll understand WHY they are not invited. Real friends & good family do not want to see you go into debt over a wedding, and they will understand if they are cut from the guest list to prevent it. If they get their feelings hurt, then they don't really care that much about you two.
And yes: COMMUNICATE. Bite the bullet and tell her how you feel, and point out all the disadvantages of a larger, more expensive wedding. Remind her that you're on her side: you want the best for HER also - to not be in debt, to not have you overworked & paying her less attention because of it, to not have a crappy honeymoon, etc....
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