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Destination weddings aren't always more expensive for the guests. I'm on the east coast, my brother is on the west coast, and three times we've flown our family of 5 to weddings for his daughters. Plane fare, hotels, rental car and meals would probably not have been any more expensive if the weddings were held, say, in the Bahamas.
Our son recently got married, and since the bride was from a different state, virtually all of our guests flew in from out-of-town, and needed cars, hotels, etc.
I think it's worth investigating package deals, and if possible, remaining in the US to avoid adding passport fees to the other costs of travel.
As others have said, it will cut down on the guests attending, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
To be very honest, and I do love to travel, I would only attend if the couple were people who really meant a lot to me and I liked the destination very, very much.
I do not understand the "very few people came as we expected/preferred" thing...
I for one wanted very few people in my wedding, no more than 50. I got married in my hometown and other than the very few "obligation invitations" I had to send, I only invited the ones I really wanted to see there. Not important, not invited. No hard feelings, I hate getting invited by people I barely know and never attend such events, so I extend the courtesy to others.
With so many nice places to visit in the world, unless the people are really special or I would be visiting the place anyway, no way I am going to go through the hassle of an international trip only to see them getting married.
All I hear are people who must attend (let's say it is something like the reverse of the "obligation invitation", something like the "obligation attendance") and they are incredibly annoyed that others will put them (guests) trough these lengths to fulfill their (couple) dreams, and still expect gifts after that!
If I absolutely wanted to get married anywhere overseas, I would just do it along with very close friends and very close family, and expect no more than a handful of people, unless I would be footing the trip expenses, which does sound like the most sensible solution for destination weddings.
One of the porblems with destination weddings is that often they are held in places that are very expensive with no budget type hotels and very expensive resort food. Going to California you can always choose less expensive accomodations and eat on a budget. You can't do that when you're in Bermuda.
If I absolutely wanted to get married anywhere overseas, I would just do it along with very close friends and very close family, and expect no more than a handful of people, unless I would be footing the trip expenses, which does sound like the most sensible solution for destination weddings.
Footing the expenses was what we did when we got married, not quite oversea but 500 miles from where we all lived. We lived in Southern CA at the time, and wanted to be married in San Francisco, in a very small wedding with only 20 guests who were there with us since the beginning of our relationship. We took care of airfares and meals the day before and the day after the wedding, but guests paid for their own accommodations (we suggested a list of affordable hotels.) Everyone took the same flight so the party started when we all boarded the plane the day before, and ended with the farewell breakfast when we left for our honeymoon.
My sister had a destination wedding in Healdsburg CA, at a very nice venue just far enough away to be equally inconvenient for everyone. It became an "If you love us, you'll come" exercise.
Personally I find it to be kind of presumptuous. Money and vacation tiem are hard to come by these days and the people getting married are basically expecting you to use your money and vacation time to attend their wedding unlike others who just want an evening from you.
I don't mind the closer driveable sort of destination weddings so much but when people expect you to travel cross country or even out of the country.
I think some people understand not everyone is going to come to the wedding and some even prefer it that way.
I recently had a cousin have a wedding in FL, I'm in the midwest. She invited all our family even second cousins, invited all her coworkers, college freinds, etc. She had tons of bridesmaids and people she invited to be in the wedding.
She then got mad when a few members of our family said we may not go. The destination wasn't even a cool place in Florida like Miami or Ft Lauderdale is was sum gulf side town I'd never heard of. Hotel was $260 per night plus you gotta pay for airfair.
Money and vacation time are hard to come by for me, I get one vacation for year and I wans't going to let her decide the location where my vacation time and money would go to. A few of my other cousins said the same and at family gatherings fro months leading up the wedding we had my cousin and aunt dropping subtle guilt trips about not going.
Btw, my cousin is cheap which don't get me wrong I am too but was going to have chips and salsa for horderves, had our family driving down bringing all her wedding stuff, etc. If your going to make us travel cross country and spend money at least feed us some decent food nad dont have my grandma making the two day drive with her feet on top of coolers to keep her flowers fresh for the wedding.
I guess my main point, if your doing a destination wedding either pay for people or don't be upset if people dont come. Also, though far off destinations may be cool even doing a close driveable destination wedding can be different and fun without costing your guests a ton of wasted time and money
I had a destination wedding on the beach in Cozumel. It was very reasonable and much cheaper than a wedding in the U.S. I think the wedding package was about $1100. You can go cheaper or spend more. The wedding planner was Stephanie of CozumelWeddingPlanner.com. We stayed at an all-inclusive resort for about 9 days and that cost about $1800 for the two of us and included airfare. My parents, siblings and a couple of friends flew in. I made it very clear to them that my feelings would NOT be hurt if they couldn't afford to go. They were not upset at all and it was nice having a mini-family reunion. The marriage didn't last, but the ceremony was beautiful! You could also have a reception once you got back home, so everyone can can celebrate with you.
We married in Switzerland. Hubbys family are from there so it was a toss up over whose family and friends would be inconvenienced. Not quite the same as a destination but as half the people who were invited had to travel I guess the same principal applies.....ALL the people from the UK attended.
We gave 6 months notice and they pretty much all made a long weekend or weeks holiday out of it. we had over 100 people for dinner 48 from the UK.
Here's the problem with destination weddings that happen at resorts in the Caribbean or Mexican Riviera.
I live in Florida. So to keep this equal, let's say the couple is from the Bay area of California and instead of having the wedding in the San Francisco area, they decide to have it in Cabo. For comparison sake, the wedding is on Saturday at noon with a reception immediately to follow.
If the wedding in in SF, I can actually fly in the day of the wedding, arriving at either Oakland or San Francisco around 10:00 am. And if I really want to, I can take a redeye back home after the wedding. So I could do it with no hotel expense at all. Depending on where the wedding is, I might even be able to take MUNI or BART to the wedding, so my total cost of attending is no time off from work, $10 for surface transportation, a day of parking at my home airport, and a r/t plane ticket.
Being as things are, I'd probably choose to fly in Friday, but again, for a SF wedding I could leave work an hour early and be on a 6:00 pm flight to OAK, stay at the Fairfield for $100-120/night using the hotel shuttle, and again potentially take BART/MUNI to the wedding the next day. I could fly home Sunday morning and easily be back to work on Monday. I could keep my total cost between $350-700, depending on how many hotel nights I decided on. So no time lost from work and as little as $350 to attend.
Conversely, if I had to go to Cabo, I'd have no choice but to take all of Friday off to travel, and I wouldn't be able to get a red-eye home Saturday night, I'd have no choice but to return on Sunday. I have a passport, but if I didn't, that would be an added expense. Booking the same days of travel a month in advance, right now it would cost me almost $300 a ticket more to fly to SJD than OAK/SFO.
The resort room would cost me $200/night (based on average room rates in that area), and at that price it wouldn't be an all inclusive. The way most resorts are set up, it would be difficult to leave to find less expensive food unless you wanted to spend money on a cab which defeats the purpose. There is no mass transit, so taking a cab to and from the airport would also add to the cost. So $600 on a plane ticket, $400 on the hotel room, $200 for meals, $100 for a cab/shuttle from the airport to the hotel and back. Attending the destination wedding would cost me $1300, minimum, plus a day off from work.
That's why most people can't afford to attend "destination" weddings. Brides and grooms tend to think "Oh, they'll get a vacation out of it." But I honestly can't think of a single destination wedding being held someplace where I had a desire to vacation, or I already had vacation plans set, or didn't have the budget to attend a wedding in Europe.
Like I said, I've attended one "destination wedding" ever. It was held in Miami, FL. We still had to take a day off from work as it was held on a weekday, but we drove down and back the same day, so it cost us a personal day from work, a tank of gas and $10 in tolls. It was a destination for the bride and groom, but not really for us. Of the 75 or so people who were invited, only the parents of the bride and groom, one other couple who lived in Miami, and my husband and I were able to attend. (I think the weekday wedding didn't help matters.)
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