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Old 08-17-2011, 10:41 AM
 
26,191 posts, read 18,648,352 times
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My ex and his friends were all a bunch of hard-drinking gamblers, so the bachelor parties usually centered around poker games. The next day they'd all be hungover and all but one or two would be broke.
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Old 08-17-2011, 11:00 AM
 
Location: US
5,148 posts, read 4,763,491 times
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I think those friends are just looking for an excuse to go to strip clubs without caring how it would affect the groom.

This subject is one of the make it or break it things for me. I would call off the wedding over it.
And its not over a trust issue. But a lack of respect for women and treating them as sexual toys issue.
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Old 08-17-2011, 12:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
For a bit of history, my husband's best friend is getting married. This guy is a Buddhist and actually heads up a local Buddhist group in his area. He's sweet and for my husband's bachelor party he took him to a beer festival (dh loves all things good beer). My husband planned on taking him to a blues festival for his friend's party. He just got word from another friend (Jeremy) in the group that the plan is to meet up at a BBQ and head down to Rhode Island for the strip clubs. I'm not sure why they plan to drive all the way down there. Boston has strip clubs. My dh doesn't think the groom to be would prefer it, but it's a surprise. Obviously, my husband will not be going so he's trying to figure out A. what to tell the groom to be as to why he won't be going and B. come up with an alternative plan so they can have their night out with the crew.

Where I'm feeling a bit off is that I happened to talk Jeremy's wife while commuting home tonight. I haven't touched based with her in a long time. She's 7 months pregnant so we talked about the pregnancy, work, how we need to get together, etc. We made plans for next week for all four of us, which is great. We'll get to see their new house and hang out. Now I feel weird because if she doesn't know what her husband intends to do then it's information floating around in my brain that I don't want. I wouldn't tell her because she's pregnant to start and their marriage isn't my business. Maybe she knows and doesn't care, tho, it's hard for me to fathom being pregnant (large, uncomfortable, suffering, etc) while her dh is off getting a lap dance.

I was excited about getting together and now not so much. Maybe I'll cancel our couples night out together and just take her to lunch over the weekend. To put it out there...I don't care what other folk do, but prostitution doesn't fly with my sensibilities and I don't give a rats behind what most folk do or find acceptable.
Well, hold on. Those are a lot of assumptions on your part. And I don't enjoy getting hammered and staring at glassy-eyed, mostly-naked women writhing in nightclubs whom I can't touch. Here are some thoughts:

1) Although I haven't darkened the door of one in 17 years, going to a strip club is not the same thing as visiting a bordello.

2) Getting a lap dance is not anywhere close to getting fellated. Or worse.

3) The fiancee might have full knowledge of the upcoming activities.

4) The fiancee might not think it's a big deal at all. In fact, some couples like to visit strip clubs together. And--gasp--many intelligent and educated women actually enjoy the experience. So playing the kneejerk 'it's degrading to women' card might not work for any number of couples. Heck, MrsCPG has occasionally opined that she might like to visit one to see what all the fuss is about, and she's about as proper as one gets.

5) The fiance might put a quietus on the bawdier aspects of the night's festivities.

6) Her being pregnant has nothing to do with items 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.


In short, I think you need to assume nothing. For canceling your weekend is effectively butting in, putting your stamp of disapproval on something for which she herself might not disapprove. Mind your own beeswax, have a good time, and don't worry about it too much because you don't know what kind of conversations the couple has had between them. The very few times I actually went to one because of a bachelor party in my marriage, my wife simply said, "I don't care where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home." And the woman in question, if she is an adult with an IQ higher than a rhesus monkey, likely knows what goes on at bachelor parties. She does not need you to tell them.

Last edited by cpg35223; 08-17-2011 at 01:04 PM..
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Old 08-17-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Two of the eight pillars of Buddhism is "right thought" and "right actions". I hardly think that going to a strip club is going to provide either of those.

It is a time-honored tradition to get the groom-to-be stinking drunk and ply him with loose women. It is a stupid, tradition, if you ask me.

If I care about these people (and apparently you do, or you wouldn't have this dilemma), I would send the groom an anonymous email. He has the right to know before all this comes down and he is put "on the spot" by his thoughtless friends and goes along with it just to be a good guy. Let's not forget that more than one groom-to-be has been killed or maimed for life when drunken friends are at the wheel. Do this for the baby, if for nothing else.

20yrsinBranson
See, I think this is bit presumptuous. I mean, unless we're talking about a child here, the fiance in question is the one who decides what is in sync with his spiritual beliefs, not the OP. And to impose yourself on the fiance in question to remind him of his own spiritual beliefs because of one's own casual readings on the Buddhist faith is...well...I can't even find the words for it. I mean, while you're at it, why not ask a Mormon what kind of underwear he's wearing that day, and asking if it is in conformity with the LDS's rules on the subject? Or yank the glass of wine out of the hands of a Muslim? Because that's what you are essentially doing if you act as the moral arbiter of someone else's religious beliefs.

What's more, I think an anonymous e-mail is really a bad idea, the equivalent of trying to put out a small brush fire with five gallons of high-octane racing fuel. Again, it assumes that he has no moral fiber, that he is not an adult, and that he cannot control what goes on at his own bachelor party. And if one is not adult enough to put one's name on the e-mail, this guy will spend the rest of his day wondering what joyless prig in his circle of friends is essentially spying on him, weighing in on what he does with his friends, and lacks the basic backbone to tell him in person.

Last edited by cpg35223; 08-17-2011 at 01:00 PM..
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Old 08-17-2011, 01:02 PM
 
16,623 posts, read 12,921,127 times
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Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
Well, lap dances are a matter of selling sex. Stripping really is about selling sex. It is what it is. Folk like to draw a line between the selling of sex A and the selling of sex B, which is understandable, but I find no need to sugar coat it in my own mind. And a majority are fine with the selling of sex. I'm not. I take no issue with the giving of it under any socially perceived perverted circumstance, to be clear. It's just the selling of it that I take issue with for my own reasons.
i'm confused. you don't draw a distinction between a lap dance, and sex?
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Old 08-17-2011, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,851 posts, read 51,225,654 times
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Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
And--gasp--many intelligent and educated women actually enjoy the experience.
I'm guessing your wife does. Otherwise, you’d never be of this opinion!
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Old 08-17-2011, 01:08 PM
 
Location: US
5,148 posts, read 4,763,491 times
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Originally Posted by le roi View Post
i'm confused. you don't draw a distinction between a lap dance, and sex?
Ummmm

Who in their right mind wants a strange female grinding her body against her mate?


A friend who cares would not tell you what to do. But they would ask you if you are sure you should do it face to face.
I would rather be laughed at for being a prude than doing nothing and seeing a friend hurt themselves or someone else because they got caught up in a moment.
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Old 08-17-2011, 01:12 PM
 
16,623 posts, read 12,921,127 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Opsimathia View Post
Ummmm

Who in their right mind wants a strange female grinding her body against her mate?
someone kinky, but that's not the question on my mind. Does she really not draw a distinction between a lap dance and sex?
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Old 08-17-2011, 01:24 PM
 
24,147 posts, read 24,522,249 times
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Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I'm guessing your wife does. Otherwise, you’d never be of this opinion!
I revised my post to cover that. She has actually expressed curiosity about it. Who knows? We might go one day.
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Old 08-17-2011, 01:24 PM
 
18,926 posts, read 11,093,822 times
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Cpg , I'm on my phone right now so I can't address your post until later (multi-quoting is almost impossible) but quickly, I haven't said anything about the bride to be. Maybe my op is confusing or maybe folk are just skimming.
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