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One of my good friends from college wants me to be her maid of honor. At first, I was so happy to be the one to do it. But as time goes on, I'm starting to lose respect for my friend and am not sure I want to.
She really hurt my feelings when she didn't invite me to go dress shopping with her. She took her mom, fiance's mom, fiance's sister, and her "fashion" friend. She told me I wasn't fashion savy enough to go. That really got to me. My other friend told me not to worry about it, but I can't seem to let it go.
She also wants to do an out of town bachelorette party....either a cruise or Vegas. I can't afford this. She also expects us to pay $75 just to have our makeup done. I make very little money and am just not sure I can do everything.
The thing that gets to me is that she cheated on the guy she is with several times after she got engaged. She told me about it and made it sound like it's no big deal. I know it's not my business, but I'm having a hard time doing this for someone that sleeps with someone else while planning a wedding.
Her parents are giving her $25,000 for the wedding, his parents are giving thousands, and maybe part of me is jealous that I will never get anything like that. But I think the biggest part is getting my feelings hurt and the cheating. What do I do?
Just tell her it looks like you won't be able to afford the type of party she wants and the $75 to have your make-up done. This is only the beginning. Just tell her it just isn't possible for you right now to meet the financial obligation of a MOH. Don't say anything about her sleeping around. That won't go over very well.
You have three reasons why you don't want to do it - the cost, the cheating, and feeling jealous - sounds like it's time to tell the bride to replace you!
Being a bridesmaid is supposed to be fun, so if it's a burden, do yourself and the bride a favor and get out as gracefully as you can, as soon as possible.
If the cheating knowledge bothered you to begin with I probably would have declined to begin with. What chaps me is she actually, bluntly said, 'because you aren't fashion savy.' Now that's just plain rude and even if you were or are it's the 'events' as maid of honor which should be experienced as you go along not just the wedding day. If someone told me that - I'd have bailed then and there.
To be kind, a simple, 'I think I took on more than I can handle being your maid of honor and maybe so and so would be a good replacement.' Or something like that.
The last time I was maid of honor I had just the opposite experience. I had to do EVERYTHING because they lived out of town and were only coming two days before the wedding day. The two mothers hated each other - that was fun. Picking out bride maid's dresses was an absolute horror because what would be perfect for everyone else - one person would have a physical flaw, scar or something which ruled them out.
I agree with everyone, that you probably should let her know you are unable to be her maid of honor. Not being able to afford her plans would be enough to respectfully decline, and I am not sure I would get deep into issues such as the cheating.
However, I would also not be surprised if the wedding gets called off, or the marriage doesn't last if she is already cheating either. I would not want to invest in that!
It seems that some time has already passed by since you accepted the invitation so don't let any more time go by before you beg out. Contact her immediately and just tell her that although you were happy for her and honored she would pick you as her Matron of Honor, it's a position that you have to decline. Apologize for any inconvenience caused but tell her that you're sure she'll be able to find a replacement who'll fill the bill.
If she persists in wanting to know details, just tell her that your financial situation right now just can't bear the costs involved. If she throws the Bridezilla routine, just remain firm and anticipate that your invitation to the wedding just might be rescinded. It won't herald the end of the world!
A quick PS which may or may not bear saying but DON'T bring up the subject of either the cheating or the rudeness the bride-to-be exhibited where the dress-buying trip was concerned, not to the future bride or to ANY of your mutual acquaintances. Venting on a forum about such things is fine but button your lip otherwise. Stick to the valid reason you have for declining which is strictly financial - and stick to your guns where that's concerned too. Hope it all works out for you.
Last edited by STT Resident; 08-25-2011 at 07:06 AM..
Just tell her it looks like you won't be able to afford the type of party she wants and the $75 to have your make-up done. This is only the beginning. Just tell her it just isn't possible for you right now to meet the financial obligation of a MOH. Don't say anything about her sleeping around. That won't go over very well.
I agree with this ^. Do it as soon as possible. If she gets angry, then she is not your bff anyway.
eastdoesit42....just politely decline, and leave it at that....if she questions you...just flat out say you can't afford it....chances are...with a big wedding, she going to be too busy to even spend any time with her friends anyways.
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