going cheap on weddings.. (formal, parties, marriage, rings)

[nowitsshowtime]

I wouldn't go cheap, but my main concern would be that everyone there have a good time, enjoy each others presence, and have enough money left over to go on a nice honey moon/invest in the house.

Gypsy wedding is fine with me:
Gogol Bordello - American Wedding - YouTube

[doradocolibri]

Originally Posted by expect

i blame women for making weddings expensive. men don't give a crap about all the stupid pointless details. omg my 8,000$ dress that i'll wear once, and every table decoration has to match with my gown blah blah. weddings are stupid circus shows

nooo, i'm not buying that one

all women aren't the same. i don't mind a small private gig. it doesn't have to be super glam. because to me love isn't about all that.

besides, we'll need our money to establish a home together so why blow 25K on a wedding?

[aragx6]

Yes, 8k dresses are ludicrous (and no where near the average for the record). But buying dinner and drinks for your entire family and group of friends is an expensive proposition no matter how you slice it, and a family wedding is important to many men as well.

[aptnyc]

I'm going to go cheap (relatively) but in a tasteful way. My parents both died very early, and all I have is one grandmother. My boyfriend (presumably the person I will marry) has like 100 relatives. I feel like if we had a big wedding, it would make me feel sad and exposed to people's gossip since the wedding party would be incredibly lopsided, but I never wanted a big wedding anyway. I'm lazy and uninterested in bride things. Planning a wedding for a year sounds like a nightmare, and you couldn't pay me to do it. Ideally, I'd like to fly somewhere beautiful and get married in a beautiful place and in a beautiful dress with only his immediate family present and a lot of quality wine.

[BJW50]

I've been married twice. The first was at a church and the second was a courthouse. I prefered the courthouse. My ex-inlaws paid for the first and I let my ex have her way. The details didn't and still don't interest me.

My granddaughter got married in Feb. It was in a Catholic Church and they did it outside of Mass due to no one in her family being in a state of communion with the Catholic Church. The grooms brother and sister did all of the readings. The mother of the groom was the only woman guest who wore a dress. Her mom wore a pants suit. All of the other women guests wore a blouse and slacks. Myself, my son, the groom and his father wore suits. Everyone else was in a shirt, tie and slacks.

It was a soup and sandwich reception for about fifty people. I think it lasted 2-3 hours. It was in the afternoon. There was assigned seating. But that was to keep certain people away from each other. Pretty much everyone stuck to their own table. Afterwards her mom and her relatives all went out for pizza. The night before they had all gone out to casino.

The thing I notice the most is the food. I dislike plated dinners. In my experience it is usually chicken smothered in sauce, fish or something I've never heard of. I like to try new things, but on my terms.

One other thing. If a couple is going to invite people that they don't know, they should put their parent's names on the invitition. If I don't know a person in the couple from Adam and I can't find them in my Family File, I will decline without reservation. If I know the parents, I will consider attending. I draw the line as far as traveling more than an hour at immediate family. My wife agrees

[Dewdrop93]

My wedding was awesome. It was in 2005 and was around 20-25K. It was a destination wedding - so it was small but very special. We had 50 guests and everyone said it was the most fun they had ever had at a wedding.

One of my closest friends got married a couple years ago. Their wedding was around 5K. There were maybe around 75 people or so. It was awesome. It was so much fun and really special and intimate.

Just because a wedding doesn't cost that much - doesn't make it any less special or wonderful. I've been to weddings that must have cost close to 100K and weddings that cost around 5K. What makes a wedding fun and memorable are the people involved and what they choose to do with the day - not the amount of money spent.

[jnanachain]

I agree on making the wedding a very personal and romantic experience. Would you mind shedding some light on how you made your event feel so intimate and romantic, and how you spent only $1000? I am recently engaged and I am in wedding planning mode as well as start a business as a wedding planner. However, I want to focus more on intimate, DIY weddings.

[kayfouroh]

We are having ours for less than $300, including a dress. 40$ for license from the town, 150$ for a non-religious, non-fancy officiant, 0$ for location (no park fee, right on the water in a gazebo), ~75$ for a dress. We're going out to lunch with family that day since we are only bringing 3 or 4 people each, then we have a personal dinner planned for that night in Manhattan.

Can't beat that. Quick, painless, no fuss.

[thepinksquid]

My husband and I semi-eloped. We would have wanted to "fully" elope but his family wanted to be there when we signed the paper.

My sister in law is a notary and officiated us signing the marriage license. We had a few friends over and kind of laughed throughout the whole thing. Let me add this was after being with my now-husband for over 7 years and living together 4 of those.

I am soooo happy we spent basically nothing on getting married. Also I would have rather had my teeth extracted than put on an ugly white dress and have people staring at me for hours.

[thebunny]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

One other thing I really hate: Church shopping.

I understand completely if you are not a person of faith. That's fine. It's your personal choice based on your beliefs. But I'm amazed at the number of people who never darken the door of a church who, suddenly, want to have their weddings in one. Not because they have any relationship with the church in question, but rather because they just want a beautiful stage on which to say their vows.

I am on the vestry of my Episcopal Church, and we get this all the cotton-picking time. It's really a beautiful place with Norman stone architecture, graceful interior, amazing stained-glass windows, and an organ that is top-notch -- a setting that's been lovingly tended by generations of faithful members. So we get literally dozens of couples who come in, say "Wow, beautiful digs, Man," and then want to talk turkey. Our response is always this. If you are willing to become a confirmed member of this church prior to your wedding, you may use the sanctuary for a nominal fee to cover the sexton coming in and cleaning up, somewhere around $200. If you are not willing to be a confirmed member of our church, then you may use the sanctuary for the equivalent of our average tithe of $4,500. They usually gulp and walk away. On the other hand, we've seen many new members come in for that reason and stay.

It's not done to tick people off, but rather because it's a lot of work for a church to host a wedding. There's a wedding coordinator, music, the officiant, and the sexton to clean up afterwards. And, given how most weddings are on Saturday, that means the clergy has to be there on Friday night for the rehearsal and Saturday afternoon for the wedding on what are supposed to be his or her days off. So to breeze in, say "We just LOVE your church. It's so pretty. It will make a beautiful setting. We'll let you know next week whether we want to have it here or go down the street to the Presbyterian church" is a little offensive to those of us who really care about our community of faith. It's just demeaning.

And, of course, there are those people who want to do their own version of a wedding in a church, never realizing that a given church has its specific way of doing things. For example, there's the stupid Unity Candle (How come people haven't really caught on to its phallic symbolism? Parents light their long cylindrical object, then the couple lights theirs. It's like asking the congregation to watch them consummate on the wedding night). Oh, and there's the music. For example, in our church, the traditional "Here Comes The Bride" you hear at a lot of weddings is not played. Why? Because the Wagnerian opera from which that came actually depicts a marriage that ends in violence and tragedy. Yet I've heard of some people having tantrums because we don't play it, saying, "I'm paying you good money, so you'll play what I tell you." Nice. Makes you kind of feel sorry for the groom, because you know what's in store for him.

If you are a member of the church, then clergy are always delight to celebrate your marriage, for that is their joyous act of devotion to their flock. But, on the other hand, they are not nearly as enthusiastic if they've never seen you before and know they'll never see you again after you walk back down the aisle and ride away in the limousine or the horse-drawn carriage. If you're going to be that way about it, get married in the park or the Elks Lodge or something.

I hear you on this one. My fiancee is from Ohio. I am in CA and he and I both live in CA. Because his father is older and less able to travel (his mother is deceased, his step mother would also have a difficult time traveling) we decided to have the wedding in Ohio. I wanted a church wedding and was wondering how in the world we were going to pull it off. Luckily, my fiancee's father is a member of a local church. He and my soon to be step mother in law were married in this church in 2004. He thought it would be nice for the same minister who married them to also marry us. I was afraid that the minister was going to say no because we were not members, but instead said he would be honored as he respected our reasons for wanting to have the wedding in Ohio. I was relieved as while I do not go to church every Sunday, I value my relationship with God and wanted His presence at my wedding, but was afraid I was going to be unable to manage it due to not being members of the church. I even considered attending often enough to become a member...but the church requires a consisten 3 of the last 4 Sundays to be considered a full member. I can't afford a month in Ohio. So, I guess what I am saying is I agree with you...no relationship to the church means no wedding.

The funniest part of it is that I was so thrilled we were going to be married in the church that I had no idea what it looked like until I had already filled out the contract and paid for it! Luckily, it is beautiful!

P.S. We picked our wedding music off of the approved list sent by the church and are not having a unity candle.