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Your particular situation aside, what about a bride and groom who choose to have their wedding in Hawaii, and her best friend since grade school isn't able to go because of the travel? If someone gave me a choice between getting married in a beautiful location or having my best friend there, guess which I'd pick. Before you say the bride should have paid to fly her out, she couldn't leave her kids for that long with a husband working and no family there to help.
That's it in a nutshell. The people take a back seat to the destination.
Look, I understand the allure of a destination wedding. I just think the couples who plan them get so wrapped up in matters that they really don't consider everyone else.
If I am going to Hawaii for a wedding, staying for two or three days seems like a waste because I won't have a chance to see anything besides the wedding. So I would feel compelled to stay longer and spend money and vacation days to see Hawaii ... yet I am not particularly interested in Hawaii. It's beautiful, I'm sure, but there are so many places I would choose to spend my money and vacation days first. If I fly in, attend the wedding, and promptly leave, it doesn't really matter whether I am in Hawaii or Houston.
If my family was scattered all over, I'd marry where I lived. Coming to my town and staying at a regular hotel would be cheaper for my guests, and my local friends wouldn't have to travel. My extended family is not wealthy, and I would prefer to have my dearest loved ones there, not just the ones rich enough to come. For wealthier families, maybe it's not a big deal. After the wedding, I would go on my dream vacation with my husband, and let everybody get back to their lives.
The title of the forum is : What Do You Think Of Destination Weddings?
And, yes, I'm sure lots of people had a good time. But what you can't seem to admit is that, even for most people with good incomes, a destination wedding represents a major inconvenience and somewhat of a financial hardship. These are people who will suddenly have a financial monkey wrench thrown into their lives because of someone's whim to have the wedding in a romantic setting. What you're essentially doing is saying 'tough luck' to all those people, friends and family alike who love you as much as those who can actually pony up for a ticket to Hawaii. And many of those who do attend will go home and have to figure out how they're going to pay the bills for it all.
I have a niece who is busily planning her wedding in a posh resort on St. Lucia in about nine months. That means my wife, three children, and me will spend roughly $5,000 just to fly to the Caribbean and hang out for 4-5 days to simply watch her say 'I do.' This is before we've checked into the hotel, bought the first meal, or done anything. I'm guessing that, by the time we're done with matters, we'll be in the hole roughly $8,000. If we leave the kids at home, even if we manage to find someone to stay with them, then they'll essentially miss out on Spring Break. Financially, we're fine doing it, but it will prove a financial burden to my 78-year-old mother, my brother and his wife, and any number of others who will be faced with a serious financial choice. Mind you, my 24-year-old niece hasn't given any of that any thought. All she's thinking about is what a wonderful setting it will be for her wedding. It never has occurred to her that many of the people who love her will be forced to make a painful choice between her and their financial well-being. Just sayin'.
We planned on having a small wedding and only invited people that we thought would actually come. My family was really excited about it. His only family members that came were his parents and brother. His aunt and uncle didn't come because they decided to go to Italy instead. Wasn't a big deal to us at all. They wouldn't have come even if we had gotten married in my hometown or the town we were living in anyway.
We didn't WANT a big wedding. And the people that were most important to us came. And those that had a hard time affording it - we helped them.
At the end of the day - our wedding was about us and what we wanted. It was the day that we got up and pledged our love to each other. Is that selfish? Well - isn't anything that you do for your own happiness selfish?
I just don't get going off about how anyone who has a destination wedding must be a narcissist and selfish and that the marriage isn't important only the location is and blah blah blah. So I'm a horrible, selfish person just because we got married in Hawaii? I mean - you can think whatever you want - it's no skin off my back - it's just kind of shocking to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
Your particular situation aside, what about a bride and groom who choose to have their wedding in Hawaii, and her best friend since grade school isn't able to go because of the travel? If someone gave me a choice between getting married in a beautiful location or having my best friend there, guess which I'd pick. Before you say the bride should have paid to fly her out, she couldn't leave her kids for that long with a husband working and no family there to help.
My particular situation is the only one I can comment on. I planned the date of my wedding around my best friend. She was finishing up her PhD and I wanted to make sure she could be there. I also paid for her flight and her hotel room. What other people do is up to them. I'm not going to say someone is a bad person just because I would have done things differently.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
If I am going to Hawaii for a wedding, staying for two or three days seems like a waste because I won't have a chance to see anything besides the wedding. So I would feel compelled to stay longer and spend money and vacation days to see Hawaii ... yet I am not particularly interested in Hawaii. It's beautiful, I'm sure, but there are so many places I would choose to spend my money and vacation days first. If I fly in, attend the wedding, and promptly leave, it doesn't really matter whether I am in Hawaii or Houston.
If my family was scattered all over, I'd marry where I lived. Coming to my town and staying at a regular hotel would be cheaper for my guests, and my local friends wouldn't have to travel. My extended family is not wealthy, and I would prefer to have my dearest loved ones there, not just the ones rich enough to come. For wealthier families, maybe it's not a big deal. After the wedding, I would go on my dream vacation with my husband, and let everybody get back to their lives.
I was living in New York City. It was cheaper to find a hotel in Hawaii. And Hawaii is actually closer to the bulk of my family than New York.
But whatever - I'm just kind of shocked that people on here are ready to tar and feather anyone who wants a different kind of wedding. When I get invited to a wedding - none of these thoughts go through my mind. I'm just happy that people I know are getting married.
I was living in New York City. It was cheaper to find a hotel in Hawaii. And Hawaii is actually closer to the bulk of my family than New York.
But whatever - I'm just kind of shocked that people on here are ready to tar and feather anyone who wants a different kind of wedding. When I get invited to a wedding - none of these thoughts go through my mind. I'm just happy that people I know are getting married.
I'm not tarring and feathering you. I'm just pointing out that for some people (not your family), there's more to it than what the hotel costs. If I have to fly somewhere for a wedding, I'll probably take Friday and/or Monday off and have a long weekend. A visit to Hawaii is not a two-day trip, unless I want to only see the inside of an airport and couple hotels, but I can see those anywhere. If I got an invitation to a Hawaii wedding, I would not say, "Oh cool, Hawaii! I've always wanted to go there!" I have little interest in Hawaii and would never have chosen to go there, so a destination wedding on Maui would not doing me any favors. That is nothing personal against you--we don't know one another. Obviously taking a group vacation to Hawaii was a good idea for your family. Maybe my sister or best friend would choose somewhere more suited to our group, somewhere I would feel better about spending a few thousand dollars. In reality, though, my best friend got married in New Orleans where she lives, and my sister will probably choose Southern California where she lives.
It should also be noted that a wedding invitation is not a summons. It's so silly to me to say "Oh my gosh, we have to spend $8,000. How rude!" -- Or, of course, you could just mark "Declines" on the RSVP card and be done with it.
So no, a DW wasn't right for us, but I hardly think choosing one means you don't care about your guests. We went to one in Puerto Rico this year and from as well as the couple hosted us, it was quite apparent how much they cared about us and our comfort.
We planned on having a small wedding and only invited people that we thought would actually come. My family was really excited about it. His only family members that came were his parents and brother. His aunt and uncle didn't come because they decided to go to Italy instead. Wasn't a big deal to us at all. They wouldn't have come even if we had gotten married in my hometown or the town we were living in anyway.
We didn't WANT a big wedding. And the people that were most important to us came. And those that had a hard time affording it - we helped them.
At the end of the day - our wedding was about us and what we wanted. It was the day that we got up and pledged our love to each other. Is that selfish? Well - isn't anything that you do for your own happiness selfish?
I just don't get going off about how anyone who has a destination wedding must be a narcissist and selfish and that the marriage isn't important only the location is and blah blah blah. So I'm a horrible, selfish person just because we got married in Hawaii? I mean - you can think whatever you want - it's no skin off my back - it's just kind of shocking to me.
My particular situation is the only one I can comment on. I planned the date of my wedding around my best friend. She was finishing up her PhD and I wanted to make sure she could be there. I also paid for her flight and her hotel room. What other people do is up to them. I'm not going to say someone is a bad person just because I would have done things differently.
I was living in New York City. It was cheaper to find a hotel in Hawaii. And Hawaii is actually closer to the bulk of my family than New York.
But whatever - I'm just kind of shocked that people on here are ready to tar and feather anyone who wants a different kind of wedding. When I get invited to a wedding - none of these thoughts go through my mind. I'm just happy that people I know are getting married.
This is why I said "your situation aside" because it seemed to make more sense in your case, with family spread all around. You can comment on anything you want. That's what this forum is. The only person I know to have a destination wedding did it without her BFF. I wouldn't call it "selfish" because it really is about you want. But I would say maybe this person has their priorities out of whack.
If you had the means to make sure that your close family and friends could attend, that's wonderful. Not everyone can and does do that. I still think it is pretty inconsiderate to think that a bunch of people are going to be able to or want to spend their vacation time and thousands of dollars to attend your (not you personally, you in general) wedding.
I could reasonably fly anywhere in the contiguous US for a 3 day weekend. Not so for Hawaii or any other tropical location. Maybe the aunt and uncle not attending wasn't a big deal to you, but maybe it was a big deal to them. Maybe they would like to have been there and felt really put out that it was so far away. You really don't know. People are usually polite enough not to let the bride and groom know if they are insulted.
It should also be noted that a wedding invitation is not a summons. It's so silly to me to say "Oh my gosh, we have to spend $8,000. How rude!" -- Or, of course, you could just mark "Declines" on the RSVP card and be done with it.
So no, a DW wasn't right for us, but I hardly think choosing one means you don't care about your guests. We went to one in Puerto Rico this year and from as well as the couple hosted us, it was quite apparent how much they cared about us and our comfort.
Of course. In some cases, though, there are weddings I would want to attend and would be very sad to miss. If my sister told me she was getting married in Cabo, I would want very much to go--to be with her, not to be with her in Cabo.
We planned on having a small wedding and only invited people that we thought would actually come. My family was really excited about it. His only family members that came were his parents and brother. His aunt and uncle didn't come because they decided to go to Italy instead. Wasn't a big deal to us at all. They wouldn't have come even if we had gotten married in my hometown or the town we were living in anyway.
We didn't WANT a big wedding. And the people that were most important to us came. And those that had a hard time affording it - we helped them.
At the end of the day - our wedding was about us and what we wanted. It was the day that we got up and pledged our love to each other. Is that selfish? Well - isn't anything that you do for your own happiness selfish?
I just don't get going off about how anyone who has a destination wedding must be a narcissist and selfish and that the marriage isn't important only the location is and blah blah blah. So I'm a horrible, selfish person just because we got married in Hawaii? I mean - you can think whatever you want - it's no skin off my back - it's just kind of shocking to me.
My particular situation is the only one I can comment on. I planned the date of my wedding around my best friend. She was finishing up her PhD and I wanted to make sure she could be there. I also paid for her flight and her hotel room. What other people do is up to them. I'm not going to say someone is a bad person just because I would have done things differently.
I was living in New York City. It was cheaper to find a hotel in Hawaii. And Hawaii is actually closer to the bulk of my family than New York.
But whatever - I'm just kind of shocked that people on here are ready to tar and feather anyone who wants a different kind of wedding. When I get invited to a wedding - none of these thoughts go through my mind. I'm just happy that people I know are getting married.
My word. Are you seriously telling me that you ponied up tens of thousands of dollars to finance your less-monied relatives and friends to attend your wedding? Where exactly did you draw the line? First cousins? Kindly aunts on Social Security? While you can evidently peel hundred-dollar bills off a wad of cash and hand them out to the deserving few, what are you saying to the ones left off? Even then, such largesse is really beyond the means of most people planning a wedding, which goes back to my original issue: Many might want to go, but far fewer may have the means to attend.
And did you really have people ask for money so they could attend your wedding? Right there, without realizing it, you actually created an even more problematic situation. You've basically planned a wedding that was very expensive for people to attend, then forced those who were strapped for cash to either rely on your noblesse oblige or say, "Wow. I love DewDrop. She's one of my favorite people in the world. But I now have to seriously go into the hole to fly out to Hawaii for this trip. And there's no way I'm going to beg anyone for money to make it." To be sure, even flying to Indianapolis might be a hardship for some, but it's readily attainable for most with a few months' worth of planning. What's more, having been to New York and Hawaii plenty of times on business, I know which trip is a lot more affordable. Anything else is rationalization.
To me, your reaction to what are really valid concerns is my entire point. Whether it's two or twenty or two hundred, the people who love and care for you want to be at your wedding. It matters a great deal to them. Yet by choosing a destination wedding, you are actually putting unnecessary obstacles in the path of the very people who want to be there for you on the happiest day of your life. And if I have to choose between being surrounded by the people I love and care about or getting married on a tropical beach somewhere, I know which one I'm going to choose. I choose the people in my life. Hands down.
We've been to a couple destination weddings. I LOVED both. They were unique and refreshing. After living in the same town for 30+ years, I've been to innumerable weddings in the same churches, with the same music followed by receptions in the same venues. It gets pretty boring after a while and they all run together. Destination weddings are a departure from the usual!
I was living in New York City. It was cheaper to find a hotel in Hawaii. And Hawaii is actually closer to the bulk of my family than New York.
It is about a 5 hour flight either way.
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