Reception, Engagement Party Costs (fiance, husband, money, planning)

[germaine2626]

It was a great party/celebration for 28 out of town relatives, immediate family and people in the wedding party & their spouses/dates. The only problem was that my husband and I had absolutely no idea how expensive a rehearsal dinner would cost. The base cost of dinner was $45 a person but by the time that a few plates of appetizers, assorted cookies for dessert, soda, and coffee were added it ended up being almost $70 a person. Partly, it was our fault for not nailing down all of the details but when we discussed offering coffee after the meal, we didn't expect for the server to suggest cafe mocha, and expresso and a few other expensive coffee drinks to each of the guests (at a much higher cost than just coffee). Keep that in mind when you are planning your celebration. make sure that everything is in writing & that the servers know what is to be offered. Jumping from $45 a person to almost $70 a person as we added a few simple things was a big shock to us.

And, the $70 a person didn't even include alcohol. I'm used to drinks costing $6 to $10 each----when I saw their wine & cocktail list with most prices from $12 to $20 a glass (and a few even more) I almost fainted. Even the house wine was $12 a glass. We had arranged for the rehearsal dinner to have a cash bar as the wedding was free drinks from 4 PM to midnight and also we (the groom's parents) are retired and have a very limited income.

If we would have had to pay for the drinks , too we would of had to take out a second mortage. Yikes.

The wedding itself was absolutely perfect.

[aragx6]

^Yikes -- that's one reason I'm glad we chose a place that's letting us create a limited menu and has a 2-hour open bar option that's only a bit more expensive than one glass of that house wine! It's still going to be fairly expensive, but we'll know going into it almost exactly how much it will cost. I don't like surprises!

Glad the wedding was perfect!

[thebunny]

Originally Posted by aragx6

^Yikes -- that's one reason I'm glad we chose a place that's letting us create a limited menu and has a 2-hour open bar option that's only a bit more expensive than one glass of that house wine! It's still going to be fairly expensive, but we'll know going into it almost exactly how much it will cost. I don't like surprises!

Glad the wedding was perfect!

I'm so glad that my wedding party is small and that we are only going to have 7 people at the rehearsal dinner, which really is only going to be a casual thing anyway.

[Pitt Chick]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

The only problem was that my husband and I had absolutely no idea how expensive a rehearsal dinner would cost.

I am surprised that you did not know!
All the things you mentioned... apps, dessert, pop and coffee (plus tea for our group)... were all spelled out in our contract. We knew to the dollar what we would have to pay the restaurant.

One thing that saved us $$ was that they allowed us to bring in our own wine.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

I am surprised that you did not know!
All the things you mentioned... apps, dessert, pop and coffee (plus tea for our group)... were all spelled out in our contract. We knew to the dollar what we would have to pay the restaurant.

One thing that saved us $$ was that they allowed us to bring in our own wine.

The biggest problem was that the rehearsal dinner was in a town 1,000 miles from our home and several hours from where our son lives (the bride's hometown). The original contract was only for the actual meal ($45 a person) and was done in person & the rest was added later by phone. That is where the misunderstandings started. When I said we would pay for "coffee" with dessert I had absolutely no idea that "coffee" for this restaurant mean't expresso, cafe mochas, etc. etc. Because, I didn't ask for coffee (as I was moving around the room greeting people, etc.) I didn't even know until later that the waiter was giving everyone all these choices.

There were other things, too. I had thought that we had agreed to a certain amount of trays of appetizers, but apparently because they were eaten so quickly they brought out several more trays. They never asked permission from me for this but it is possible that they asked my son or his fiance.

And, don't get me started on how they goofed up on the cash bar part.

We had a private room and it was arranged that people had to leave the room to go to the bar to buy their drinks. Well, a waiter started coming into the private room and took drink orders from people. We had told people it was a cash bar but some people must have been confused when a waiter took their drink orders and did not tell them the price of the drinks. Apparently, what this restaurant does is leaves papers on the tables with drink prices listed. Since we told our guests and the restaurant it was a cash bar I incorrectly assumed that the waiter was telling people the cost of each drink. Since the drinks were $12 to $20 each, a few drinks would add up quickly.

At the end of the evening the waiter came in with bills for a few of the people and at least one couple was pretty shocked. This was quite an embarrassment.

After my son gets back from his honeymoon either he or I will talk to the restaurant about these problems. I'm sure that it won't change the price for us but maybe they will do something differently for the next party.

[thebunny]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

The biggest problem was that the rehearsal dinner was in a town 1,000 miles from our home and several hours from where our son lives (the bride's hometown). The original contract was only for the actual meal ($45 a person) and was done in person & the rest was added later by phone. That is where the misunderstandings started. When I said we would pay for "coffee" with dessert I had absolutely no idea that "coffee" for this restaurant mean't expresso, cafe mochas, etc. etc. Because, I didn't ask for coffee (as I was moving around the room greeting people, etc.) I didn't even know until later that the waiter was giving everyone all these choices.

I feel your pain on trying to plan things across country. It adds to the challenge in a LOT of ways. As for the "coffee" as you agreed, I am guessing this one you are stuck with.

There were other things, too. I had thought that we had agreed to a certain amount of trays of appetizers, but apparently because they were eaten so quickly they brought out several more trays. They never asked permission from me for this but it is possible that they asked my son or his fiance.

If you agreed to a certain number, and did not get the contract amended with a signature, I would fight this. Did your son or, now, wife sign the contract? If not, they had no authorization to get approval for the additional appetizers from them. I would, however throw a fit about this. You agreed to "coffee" but didn't specify. You specified an appetizer quantity.


And, don't get me started on how they goofed up on the cash bar part.

We had a private room and it was arranged that people had to leave the room to go to the bar to buy their drinks. Well, a waiter started coming into the private room and took drink orders from people. We had told people it was a cash bar but some people must have been confused when a waiter took their drink orders and did not tell them the price of the drinks. Apparently, what this restaurant does is leaves papers on the tables with drink prices listed. Since we told our guests and the restaurant it was a cash bar I incorrectly assumed that the waiter was telling people the cost of each drink. Since the drinks were $12 to $20 each, a few drinks would add up quickly.

At the end of the evening the waiter came in with bills for a few of the people and at least one couple was pretty shocked. This was quite an embarrassment.

But not your problem financially. You arranged for the cash bar to be handled in a certain way. The restaurant changed how this was handled. Even if you took care of the bills for the guests, you should have recourse, as you agreed to NOT pay for drinks from the cash bar.

After my son gets back from his honeymoon either he or I will talk to the restaurant about these problems. I'm sure that it won't change the price for us but maybe they will do something differently for the next party.

You may get some of your money back. If you REALLY want to play hardball, you threaten to dispute the entire charge with the credit card company and complain to the Better Business Bureau.

However, if nothing else, albeit unintentionally, it sounds like you hosted a beautiful rehearsal dinner.