For those keeping score at home.... (fiance, money, invitation, dress)

[thebunny]

As this has moved on to another issue with the SIL, I am starting a new thread....

My fiance talked to her. Got her to admit that she was considering our reception a family reunion. Not sure when she decided it was ok to let my family (from California) pay for her family reunion in Ohio especially as few of my family will be able to attend (and she knows this), but ok...

Anyway...my fiance told her the wedding is going to be formal. (Not really, but as she seems to think it is a BBQ/family reunion when we say "church wedding and casual BBQ reception" I see his logic...tell her it is formal and maybe we can get her to see why she can't just add on corn for herself). Her response was to let him know if we decide that her home is not nice enough for the reception and we want to move it, that is fine with her. Oh for the love...never stated, never mentioned, never implied. I have been there numerous times...i know exactly what her house looks like, so this seemed like a snarky "I am at least going to get in a dig" but of course my fiance doesn't see it that way, so I didn't really say much on it.

Do I JUMP on that or do I wait? My fiance is convinced she now gets it and is going to stop. I am not convinced, but I think that moving the reception now, when she has said she will behave, may cause not only her to have hurt feelings but also my fiance.

So, do I go with it until she acts up again, or do I run screaming to the church to set up the reception in the hall? I have already printed the invitations, BUT if we have the reception at the church where the wedding is, we should be able to manage the guests finding it...and if we go that direction we will of course send additional info to the guests about the location.

Part of me REALLY wants it to work at her home, for the family relations part of it. Part of me is screaming RUN, RUN NOW!!!!

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by thebunny

As this has moved on to another issue with the SIL, I am starting a new thread....

My fiancee talked to her. Got her to admit that she was considering our reception a family reunion. Not sure when she decided it was ok to let my family (from California) pay for her family reunion in Ohio especially as few of my family will be able to attend (and she knows this), but ok...

Anyway...my fiancee told her the wedding is going to be formal. (Not really, but as she seems to think it is a BBQ/family reunion when we say "church wedding and casual BBQ reception" I see his logic...tell her it is formal and maybe we can get her to see why she can't just add on corn for herself). Her response was to let him know if we decide that her home is not nice enough for the reception and we want to move it, that is fine with her. Oh for the love...never stated, never mentioned, never implied. I have been there numerous times...i know exactly what her house looks like, so this seemed like a snarky "I am at least going to get in a dig" but of course my fiance doesn't see it that way, so I didn't really say much on it.

Do I JUMP on that or do I wait? My fiancee is convinced she now gets it and is going to stop. I am not convinced, but I think that moving the reception now, when she has said she will behave, may cause not only her to have hurt feelings but also my fiancee.

So, do I go with it until she acts up again, or do I run screaming to the church to set up the reception in the hall? I have already printed the invitations, BUT if we have the reception at the church where the wedding is, we should be able to manage the guests finding it...and if we go that direction we will of course send additional info to the guests about the location.

Part of me REALLY wants it to work there, for the family relations part of it. Part of me is screaming RUN, RUN NOW!!!!

Does that mean that she used to think it was a "family reunion" and now she has accepted (or at least stated that she accepts) that it IS your wedding reception?

When is the wedding & reception? (I'm trying to get an idea of how much time you have left)

[thebunny]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

Does that mean that she used to think it was a "family reunion" and now she has accepted (or at least stated that she accepts) that it IS your wedding reception?

This is what she said when they spoke. That when she thought it was casual, it was a family reunion. Now that she knows it is less casual, she sees it as the reception. Not sure if I believe it, honestly. However, she has not said a WORD about anything to do with the ceremony, so MAYBE it really was that she was seeing it as a wedding and family reunion and she was leaving the wedding alone and having a say in the "family reunion".

When is the wedding & reception? (I'm trying to get an idea of how much time you have left)

September 15th.

Thoughts?

[germaine2626]

Quote: However, she has not said a WORD about anything to do with the ceremony, so MAYBE it really was that she was seeing it as a wedding and family reunion and she was leaving the wedding alone and having a say in the "family reunion".Unquote

That sounds just crazy enough to possibly be true.

In my opinion, since you have over two months, perhaps just leave it as it is now and see how it goes for the next few weeks. If you, your fiance' and others keep referring to it as "the wedding reception" it probably will turn out great.
Good luck.

[thebunny]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

Quote: However, she has not said a WORD about anything to do with the ceremony, so MAYBE it really was that she was seeing it as a wedding and family reunion and she was leaving the wedding alone and having a say in the "family reunion".Unquote

That sounds just crazy enough to possibly be true.

In my opinion, since you have over two months, perhaps just leave it as it is now and see how it goes for the next few weeks. If you, your fiance' and others keep referring to it as "the wedding reception" it probably will turn out great.
Good luck.

I am kind of with you on it. She has suggested food, drinks, seating, etc. for the reception, but hasn't even asked what the wedding colors are or anything else about the ceremony. As I have noticed, especially thinking back, the ONLY thing she has said about the wedding part of it is asking (in a Facebook wall post not even a PM) if I would send her a photo of the dress as a "preview" before the wedding. Um, no. (Feel free to laugh here, I did after I got over the shock, and it is expected in the soap opera called "what will she do next") But she hasn't said a word about the actual ceremony...so I am thinking it is a wedding in her mind, just not a reception.

So, if we constantly say FORMAL RECEPTION, maybe just maybe....

And as a side note, I am banning corn from the reception on general principle. I am certain, even if all goes well from here on out, seeing her holding corn at the reception may be more than I can take, LOL

[silverwing]

Originally Posted by thebunny

Her response was to let him know if we decide that her home is not nice enough for the reception and we want to move it, that is fine with her.

[thebunny]

LOL...thanks for the laugh. I thought it was a hilarious comment too and ignored it. Completely.

[Fleur66]

I've read a few of your posts...why don't you just find another venue for the reception.

She doesn't respect your feelings, and the two of you don't respect hers regarding her ex.

Really, you both walked in to this situation, I guess because the venue was cost free?

Aren't you the one having most of the guests sit on blankets at the reception...you can't/ won't spend money for additonal seating? Not sure how sitting on blankets constitutes "formal".

People will remember the lack of seating way more than they will remember corn.

While I don't think it should be a family reunion, I do think it is funny that you view your family as "paying for it" without acknowledging the significant contribution of your SIL providing a cost free venue.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by Fleur66

I've read a few of your posts...why don't you just find another venue for the reception.

She doesn't respect your feelings, and the two of you don't respect hers regarding her ex.

Really, you both walked in to this situation, I guess because the venue was cost free?

Aren't you the one having most of the guests sit on blankets at the reception...you can't/ won't spend money for additonal seating? Not sure how sitting on blankets constitutes "formal".

People will remember the lack of seating way more than they will remember corn.

While I don't think it should be a family reunion, I do think it is funny that you view your family as "paying for it" without acknowledging the significant contribution of your SIL providing a cost free venue.

About 36 years ago I attended a pig roast wedding reception. It was a "formal" wedding (bride in long wedding dress, 4 or 5 bridesmaids, men in tuxes, guests all dressed up) and we had outdoor seating on long tables with with white tableclothes. You do whatever you feel is right but I wanted you to know that at least one wedding couple combined "formal" and pig roast.
BTW They had plenty of napkins & wet wipes.

[Fleur66]

@Germaine...there was seating though in the situation you describe..

OP has already said she doesn't plan to have seating for all of the guests that might come, that they'll need to sit on the ground.

Nothing formal about that.