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I have two friends getting married this fall, one week apart. My one friend has been planning her wedding for a while but told me it would be a small event with just family and a few close friends. We're definitely good friends but not best friends or anything, I haven't received a save the date and the wedding is less than 3 months away so I thought I wouldn't be invited. No hard feelings though.
My other friend is getting married abroad in her home country. She sent me the dates months in advance and said she'd really like me to be there so I booked a flight and decided stay an extra week to make a vacation out of the trip.
Last weekend, I was talking about my upcoming trip and my friend who's having the intimate wedding was disappointed that I would be abroad during her wedding. I'd like to attend but my date and I have already booked our flights. I can change them but it will be expensive. What's the proper etiquette in this situation? Change the flights, send a gift and a card explaining that I wish I could be there, send a gift and then take her and her husband out to a nice dinner when I get back?
Your friend should be the one wanting to know what is proper since you did nothing wrong. Less tha 3 months and no word on your invite? Send a card and token gift. Enjoy your trip abroad!
Save the Dates didn't even exist until less than 10 years ago and typically wedding invitations go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding, so your friend having the small wedding didn't do anything wrong, but invitations aren't summons and you can't be blamed for having other plans already set in motion.
If she has a shower or bachelorette party I would try and attend those events, but otherwise I would send a nice gift and heartfelt card and call it a day.
edit: A nice dinner afterwards would be great too!
Save the Dates aren't mandatory. It seems like it should have been clear from your conversations that you either would be or wouldn't be invited. Since it wasn't, RSVP that you can't go, include a note on the RSVP card about how sorry you are or whatever, and send a gift.
Your friend should be the one wanting to know what is proper since you did nothing wrong. Less tha 3 months and no word on your invite? Send a card and token gift. Enjoy your trip abroad!
Say what? The token gift advice is insulting and petty, as the OP NOR the bride who has not sent out an invitation have done nothing wrong. Invitations should go out about 6 weeks in advance, with 8 weeks being the guideline if you have a large number of out of town guests.
Save the Dates are not a requirement. Having not heard about a wedding within 3 months is NOT a faux pas or etiquette blunder worthy a "token" gift, as it is neither a faux pas or blunder.
Sure but gifts, even when one attends, are never mandatory. Kibbie should have said send a gift if you wish. I agree the OP shouldn't "punish" her friend by giving a smaller gift than she otherwise would have, but I'm not entirely convinced that's what she meant.
Sure but gifts, even when one attends, are never mandatory. Kibbie should have said send a gift if you wish. I agree the OP shouldn't "punish" her friend by giving a smaller gift than she otherwise would have, but I'm not entirely convinced that's what she meant.
Please don't tell me what I "should have said." No a gift isn't mandatory, but it is good etiquette to send one even if you can't attend the wedding. That's my advice. Feel free to offer your own.
I finally got some more details and the wedding IS just a family affair. But they're having a party to celebrate with friends later that I'll probably miss - I'm not sure though b/c I guess they're still planning it and still haven't sent out any invites. I'm just going to get something from their registry or a gift card to one of her favorite restaurants...I'm not sure which yet. I wasn't planning on getting a smaller gift or anything, I just wasn't sure what about what to do. I feel like there is so much stuffy etiquette involved with weddings and wanted to make sure I do the appropriate thing. Thanks for all of the comments!
Please don't tell me what I "should have said." No a gift isn't mandatory, but it is good etiquette to send one even if you can't attend the wedding. That's my advice. Feel free to offer your own.
Not really -- it's kind and it's gracious, but it's by no means an etiquette rule I've ever seen.
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Please don't tell me what I "should have said." No a gift isn't mandatory, but it is good etiquette to send one even if you can't attend the wedding. That's my advice. Feel free to offer your own.
