Married women: would you have married your husband without the wedding? (marriage, engagement ring) - - City-Data Forum

The Dissenter · 08-15-2012, 04:36 PM

Here is one thing about me. I do NOT like weddings. Let's not waste time talking about the reasons though I will say cost is a big one.

Now say I find a girl I really dig and want to be with. I want to commit to her. However I do not want a wedding. I could be just fine going down to the DC or Arlington Courthouse and marrying and throwing a small party afterwards. I do not dig the dress, big reception, all that. What if she wants a wedding? What if we can not afford one?

Basically I want to get the opinion of married women here. Would YOU have married your husband if ya'll didn't have a ceremony or an actual wedding? My point is that if you love your man and he wants to be in a marriage with you, why should it matter if ya'll have a wedding or not?

Timm · 08-15-2012, 05:28 PM

It wasn't a deal-breaker for me and my wife. Before I even proposed to her, I made it perfectly clear that I would never be in a big traditional wedding. It took her a while to get used to the idea -- and it took her family even longer -- but eventually we were married on her parents' sun porch with just our parents and siblings present. So yeah, we had a wedding (even just going down to the courthouse is technically a wedding, isn't it?) but it was nothing like a traditional one. It was small, inexpensive, and perfect for us.

Pitt Chick · 08-15-2012, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

Here is one thing about me. I do NOT like weddings. Let's not waste time talking about the reasons though I will say cost is a big one.

Without 'wasting time to talk about it', I'd say that's a deal breaker.

BUT... courthouse + party afterwards DOES = wedding, right?

The Dissenter · 08-15-2012, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

Without 'wasting time to talk about it', I'd say that's a deal breaker.

BUT... courthouse + party afterwards DOES = wedding, right?

Technically, yes.

I was more referring to the US "traditional wedding." The church or ballroom, the dress, the reception.

Quote:

It wasn't a deal-breaker for me and my wife. Before I even proposed to her, I made it perfectly clear that I would never be in a big traditional wedding. It took her a while to get used to the idea -- and it took her family even longer -- but eventually we were married on her parents' sun porch with just our parents and siblings present. So yeah, we had a wedding (even just going down to the courthouse is technically a wedding, isn't it?) but it was nothing like a traditional one. It was small, inexpensive, and perfect for us.

Now something like yours I would not object to. Small, simple, and not much financial pressure.

Dewdrop93 · 08-15-2012, 05:59 PM

Sure, I'd still have married him! But the thing is - chances are that if you find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with - you'll either have similar feelings about things like that or you'll be understanding of things like that. I honestly can't imagine a couple that is truly compatible enough to spend the rest of their lives together having issues over things like a wedding, an engagement ring, etc. I'm not saying that couples DON'T fight over these things - but I have a feeling that the truly compatible couples don't. Do you really think that a woman that wants to marry you and spend her life with you would have no idea how you are with money? The right woman will either be on the same page as you or will be willing to work within your comfort zone.

Pikantari · 08-15-2012, 06:48 PM

I don't want a wedding this next time around. Had a small one the first time and stood up there thinking to myself, "OMG, what am I doing?!?!?"

aspentree · 08-15-2012, 10:48 PM

Well I can't go back in time, so the question is hard to answer. Both sets of parents expected that there would be some sort of ceremony and reception, so I'm not sure if we would have considered something like that.

I certainly would have been willing to do things on a smaller scale, not sure if I would have wanted a courthouse wedding.

Obviously if there were no money we would have had to make other plans.

Besides the money issue though I guess I'd want to discuss why the guy would have differing views. To the OP if the girl has been dreaming about a dress forever....just because you don't like them, doesn't mean she'll see your viewpoint.

I think for many people it is important to marry/celebrate with family and friends. I'd think the couple would have to compromise.

TheBeagleLady · 08-15-2012, 11:16 PM

I did. I have never wanted a traditional wedding, and he had been there done that before. Our original plan was to just have it done at the courthouse, but we ended up doing a very small ceremony with just our parents. It was a simple ceremony in a pretty little chapel (which is a replica of a Norwegian Stave church...very cool) on a perfect fall day. We had dinner with our parents that night, and then we went back to my hometown to see friends and family, where we had another dinner. The whole weekend was perfect.

Sam I Am · 08-16-2012, 05:05 AM

I didn't have a big wedding so the deal-breaker scenario never came into the picture - but I will say that for some women it IS a big deal - something they've dreamed about since they were a little girl. Men don't have that same thing going on, or at least most of them. And it IS mostly about the bride for a day - her moment in the sun, a chance to be the most beautiful, most desired, and most loved. You can't argue that from any standpoint, it just is. We got married in the front yard and threw a bash later at a local restaurant with an outdoor courtyard and it was an absolute blast (even though we were late because our car battery died and we had to do a last minute change of vehicles. They started without us and I'm not sure to this day that they really realized we were missing!).

I would imagine this woman knows you don't like crowds but do like parties, or whatever the case may be. Maybe you don't like all eyes being on you. If she's aware of that she may understand your reluctance. If it's all about money, maybe not so much - but if y'all will be paying for it, she can surely understand the concept of "budget". As so many people have pointed out in so many other threads, she may elect to have a great honeymoon or make a down payment on a house rather than spend a gazillion dollars on a wedding.

You can throw a wedding that is somewhere between a JP and making Who's Who in the local paper. Win/win for everyone.

*Sixy* · 08-16-2012, 11:20 AM

I would have still been married if we didn't have the reception. We had a wedding (reception) for our guests, not for ourselves.

The ceremony however, was important to me. I wanted to be married in a church, not by the JP or in a courthouse. If he felt differently, I'm not sure I would have gotten married simply because we would have been too different in our faith and religious beliefs.