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Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it and it helps us to know how to handle this. I just had doubts because when I told my sister about it, I hadn't mentioned yet that it was only going to be parents, grandparents, and sibs, and she was like, "Oh, okay, so whoever can come down there at that time will be there?" and I didn't really know how to handle it without hurting her feelings. I mean, of course she and her family would be welcome if they did make the trip, but I want it to be clear to everyone that we didn't specifically invite her over them or pay her travel expenses, KWIM?
You should save your sister the embarassment and just explain what you stated here. "They would like to just have parents, their (bride and groom's) siblings, and grandparents, all in the spirit of keeping it simple, and then have a very low key reception back here later, something like a cookout, where they would invite the family and friends that didn't attend the wedding".
That is a very long drive and lots of hassle to find out you were invited by default. Just explain about the get together at a later date...
My siblings and I all were married in other cities and then had a large reception back in our parent's home town for all of our cousins, other relatives, friends and neighbors. Now we are on the next generation and my son & his bride (who were married 1,000 miles away from where we live) recently had a reception in our hometown for his cousins, other relatives, friends and neighbors. It also worked out well because several of the bride's friends lived in the midwest and couldn't attend the wedding & reception on the coast but were able to attend the second reception.
Our wedding was not a destination wedding, but our town is 500 miles away from my friends and family. He has some family members in the area he tolerates, others he can't stand. To avoid any drama, we decided to only invite our parents to the wedding. Afterward we went to my hometown to visit and had a nice dinner with my closest family and friends. A few weeks later, we had a get together here for his closest family and friends. It worked out well.
I think the way your son and his fiancee want to do it is just fine, and very smart. I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding.
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