Engagement rings and wedding bands - what is a reasonable price and who should pay for them? (fiance, proposed)

[twinsoul]

Bottom line is the ring is supposed to represent some sort of investment/sacrifice on the part of the man. This is where they come up with the 2-3months take home income. If the guy has a lot of debt, kids ect and is living pay check to pay check than sure he can get a way with a much cheaper ring since its still a sacrifice on his part financially. He either had to save for months/years for it or go in debt to finance it thus the sacrifice. The point of the ring is not only to symbolize his love but also to symbolize some form of sacrifice financially to show to his women and the world home much she means and how much he VALUES her. If the cost of the ring is the equivelent of a few nights out on the town than it shows the value he places on this women. There's a reason millionaires don't buy $5-$10k rings for the same reason someone with no debt making $100k+/yr shouldn't be buying a $2-3k ring.

Water seeks it's own level. If youre a professional making good money chances are your friends are professionals making decent money. As a man would you really want the love of your life to have a much cheaper ring than the women in her circle of friends? I'd rather my finance/wife come home from work telling me about the people that stopped her to compliment her ring and how happy it made her feel than for her to see the women next to her get complimented while she was ignored.

[blazejen]

Originally Posted by twinsoul

Bottom line is the ring is supposed to represent some sort of investment/sacrifice on the part of the man. This is where they come up with the 2-3months take home income. If the guy has a lot of debt, kids ect and is living pay check to pay check than sure he can get a way with a much cheaper ring since its still a sacrifice on his part financially. He either had to save for months/years for it or go in debt to finance it thus the sacrifice. The point of the ring is not only to symbolize his love but also to symbolize some form of sacrifice financially to show to his women and the world home much she means and how much he VALUES her. If the cost of the ring is the equivelent of a few nights out on the town than it shows the value he places on this women. There's a reason millionaires don't buy $5-$10k rings for the same reason someone with no debt making $100k+/yr shouldn't be buying a $2-3k ring.

Water seeks it's own level. If youre a professional making good money chances are your friends are professionals making decent money. As a man would you really want the love of your life to have a much cheaper ring than the women in her circle of friends? I'd rather my finance/wife come home from work telling me about the people that stopped her to compliment her ring and how happy it made her feel than for her to see the women next to her get complimented while she was ignored.

Bold#1: Doesn't the fact that he wants to marry her show more than anything else how much he values her?

Bold#2: That's just about keeping up with the Jones' (aka Joneses). Some people might value that, but a lot of people don't.

[twinsoul]

Originally Posted by blazejen

Bold#1: Doesn't the fact that he wants to marry her show more than anything else how much he values her?

Why do you think engagment rings are DIAMONDS instead of a shinny glass bead? It's supposed to represent a grand gesture of his commitment to the love her feels for the women. If he's making/has a ton of cash and buying a cheap ring with respect to his worth than it isn't a grand gesture and devalues his proposal. With your same line of reasoning why not get your women dandalions for valentines day instead of roses? Why not take your date out to mcdonalds instead of a nice restraunt for your anniversary or first date? It's called being CHEAP.

Originally Posted by blazejen

Bold#2: That's just about keeping up with the Jones' (aka Joneses). Some people might value that, but a lot of people don't.

Completely agree. However there's a difference between over extending to keep up with the jones and just being plain ol' cheap. If your in highschool/college or in debt than you aren't being cheap by buying a less expensive ring. Its what you could afford at the time. But if you're a millionaire buying a $10k ring while your driving a $400k car that say a lot about how much you value the love of your life.

[Garfunkle524]

My city/area is rich with tech-nerds so the women all have HUGE rings. I pay a lot every month in student loans, so there's no way I could've afforded half the ring most women get. My solution was to go for full-on quality and styling instead of size. She loves the ring and I spent less than what is typical (though it was not a small amount, took me forever to save for it). It was just under 10% of my pre-tax, pre-student loan payment income.

I thought she'd scoff at the size since rings with less than 1 ct are pretty uncommon here, but she recognizes the quality of the stone and the effort I put into getting the ring. All of this investment talk is nonsense. The cost of the ring should have no bearing whatsoever on how much the man values the woman. The man wants to spend the rest of his life with this person, that should signify her value.

Some women feel a need to assign a number-value to themselves based on the cost of the ring they get. The man is pledging to spend the rest of his life with you, forget about the ring for a second and ponder the meaning of that gesture!!

[twinsoul]

Originally Posted by Garfunkle524

My city/area is rich with tech-nerds so the women all have HUGE rings. I pay a lot every month in student loans, so there's no way I could've afforded half the ring most women get. My solution was to go for full-on quality and styling instead of size. She loves the ring and I spent less than what is typical (though it was not a small amount, took me forever to save for it). It was just under 10% of my pre-tax, pre-student loan payment income.

I thought she'd scoff at the size since rings with less than 1 ct are pretty uncommon here, but she recognizes the quality of the stone and the effort I put into getting the ring. All of this investment talk is nonsense. The cost of the ring should have no bearing whatsoever on how much the man values the woman. The man wants to spend the rest of his life with this person, that should signify her value.

Some women feel a need to assign a number-value to themselves based on the cost of the ring they get. The man is pledging to spend the rest of his life with you, forget about the ring for a second and ponder the meaning of that gesture!!

Yes but you bought what you could afford and put the effort into finding a quality ring for your what you could afford. My point was more centered around those that are paying LESS than they could afford. "took me forever to save for it" shows you bought what you could afford.

[topher5150]

I got our rings at Kay jewelers, and they had it where people would bring in their old jewelry as a trade in I guess, and I got a really nice used engagement ring for $500.

[aragx6]

I think as many people feel superior because they didn't "waste" money on a ring as feel superior because theirs is so big. I find this to be true for most aspects of a wedding. So many seem to hold how little they spent as some source of pride and consider everyone who did otherwise to be somehow beneath them.

I've felt a fair amount of nasty from people about the size of my ring and find myself sheepishly saying it was my grandmother's. Eff that; it's pretty, the diamond is big, I like it, and I'm lucky to have it. Had SO and I bought a ring it would have been significantly more modest, but what me or you or anybody else spends on their ring shouldn't really be open to judgment, and contempt from both sides is super lame.

[Tallysmom]

Originally Posted by twinsoul

Sounds like someone that didn't get the ring she always dreamed of.

Really -- you've "always" dreamt of a ring?

I think that large diamonds are in fashion right now.

When I got engaged, a large diamond was a half carat, and wedding sets were hugely popular.

Where I lived there was a craze of using other gem stones. I got a ruby that was a family heirloom and most of my friends got emeralds and sapphires and a few got pearls. No one really liked rubies, but it's the July stone, and we met in July, got engaged in July and got married in July, not the same year.

Had a girl who was hitting on my oblivious fiance in front of me say to me -- this is something he and I share. I raised my left hand, pointed to the ruby (and it was over a carat, so it was HUGE) and replied "That's okay, you get him today, I get him the rest of his life."

After an exchange of words where I explained that the ruby was a family heirloom, and indeed an engagement ring she got all huffy and said she had no idea he was engaged.

He responded with You never asked.

Anyhow -- fast forward 15 years. We've started a janitorial company and we do the work, so I don't wear my rings to clean.... I come home to find our house and been broken into and my jewelry is GONE.

I had my wedding ring remade from my husband's matching band, but the ruby is gone, and my diamond band is gone. Eight years later we drop into the local pawn shop on our wedding anniversary.... and my original wedding ring is there....

I bought it back.

But I don't like it anymore. Styles change and I've changed -- it's not comfortable ; it's very wide, as was the style back then (8-9 mm wide). It doesn't fit as I've lost weight. Hubs can't wear his anymore due to Rheumatoid Arthritis.

So right now I'm wearing a gorgeous ruby and diamond band that we just bought together -- very unusual (I like unique things, too -- and they are hard to find!) and they are bezel set, so I can wear them to work!

But count me in on the size doesn't matter side. I can afford a very large diamond, but I have stubby little fingers and small hands and I don't like the look on me. I have a beautiful oval diamond that weighs in at 71 points, and on my hand every one thinks it's over a carat. The oval makes it look larger and elongates my finger... but it feels almost cocktail ring to me -- overdone.

The other thing-- after losing my most precious wedding band I realized that for me -- they're just rings. It's not like a magical piece of jewelry that gives you power of She Ra, or the glue that holds the two of you together.

Since losing my original wedding ring I've had lots of bands and a few diamonds.... and I know what I like more and what I think looks good on me.

[pinipig523]

Originally Posted by sinsativ

Your checkbook. Pretentious people put value in such stuff. The ring is a symbol, not what the relationship is worth. the least expensive the ring, normally the more relaionship there is.

Riiight. I assume you're one to generalize that the poor are so much more righteous than those with money. How did you come to the conclusion that small rings = better relationship?

Originally Posted by aragx6

I think as many people feel superior because they didn't "waste" money on a ring as feel superior because theirs is so big. I find this to be true for most aspects of a wedding. So many seem to hold how little they spent as some source of pride and consider everyone who did otherwise to be somehow beneath them.

I've felt a fair amount of nasty from people about the size of my ring and find myself sheepishly saying it was my grandmother's. Eff that; it's pretty, the diamond is big, I like it, and I'm lucky to have it. Had SO and I bought a ring it would have been significantly more modest, but what me or you or anybody else spends on their ring shouldn't really be open to judgment, and contempt from both sides is super lame.

People want to FEEL superior regardless of what the topic of discussion is. That's the whole mantra in life it seems. People w/ big rings feel superior to those with smaller rings and people with smaller rings like to point out that their relationship is so much better since it need not be based on a silly crystal.

I mean come on... there's no relationship to how big the ring is to the strength of the relationship... the ring is just between the couple and how much they are willing to spend to show their love.

[pinipig523]

Originally Posted by twinsoul

Bottom line is the ring is supposed to represent some sort of investment/sacrifice on the part of the man. This is where they come up with the 2-3months take home income.

I agree with this. It is a sacrifice for the man. It's not meant to be an easy purchase, I mean - you're supposed to do this only once.

But others may think differently - others think that the ring is another conformist purchase and others rebel against this and they think they're better in doing so.

But PLEASE - don't make yourself out to be superior if you have a smaller ring and you want to point out that you don't need a bigger ring and that those with bigger rings are compensating for a lack in relationship. I'm so sick of hearing about these self-righteous people.

All you've done is gotten a smaller ring - you didn't save the world. So stop patting yourself on the back.