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But the point is they completely ignored her requests to not have one and instead are doing what they want. She is not marrying them, but her fiance who is a member of their family.
Idon'tdateyou, I am not trying to be smart-mouthed - I am not trying to be hardhearted or cold or judgmental - but I AM trying to talk some 55-year-old sense into your much younger head. You have some notions that are going to make the coming years very difficult for you if you don't lighten up a bit....and it sounds as if your friend is of the same ilk.
She IS marrying the family - do NOT get confused. These people were in his life long before she came along, and they will be there if she doesn't make it through the fire. He's not "a member of the family", he's their SON. They were his life and they gave him the life he has and the life he wants to share with her - he is most likely equally concerned about pleasing them as he is about pleasing her. And she should be too - her life will forever be intertwined with these people, for better or worse, richer or poorer, and all that jazz. She needs to put her own desires on the back burner for a while and try to roll with it. As someone said above, is THIS what she really wants to take the stand on, does she really want to die on this hill and start this marriage off with a bad taste in everyone's mouth? No? Then go to the freakin' shower, act like it's the best thing that's ever happened to you, and take your stand when something more serious than a two hour party ON YOUR BEHALF is scheduled. If this is the biggest thing your friend has to deal with, then she is indeed leading a charmed life and should hit her knees and thank God every day that this is the most strife the universe has dealt her.
Idon'tdateyou, I am not trying to be smart-mouthed - I am not trying to be hardhearted or cold or judgmental - but I AM trying to talk some 55-year-old sense into your much younger head. You have some notions that are going to make the coming years very difficult for you if you don't lighten up a bit....and it sounds as if your friend is of the same ilk.
She IS marrying the family - do NOT get confused. These people were in his life long before she came along, and they will be there if she doesn't make it through the fire. He's not "a member of the family", he's their SON. They were his life and they gave him the life he has and the life he wants to share with her - he is most likely equally concerned about pleasing them as he is about pleasing her. And she should be too - her life will forever be intertwined with these people, for better or worse, richer or poorer, and all that jazz. She needs to put her own desires on the back burner for a while and try to roll with it. As someone said above, is THIS what she really wants to take the stand on, does she really want to die on this hill and start this marriage off with a bad taste in everyone's mouth? No? Then go to the freakin' shower, act like it's the best thing that's ever happened to you, and take your stand when something more serious than a two hour party ON YOUR BEHALF is scheduled. If this is the biggest thing your friend has to deal with, then she is indeed leading a charmed life and should hit her knees and thank God every day that this is the most strife the universe has dealt her.
Good grief. That's all I can say.
Great post. For me, the short of it is going to be that people with that thought process may not be the best marital candidates, for many reasons.
What does that have to do with this? the shower is women only, whereas a wedding is coed. No her parents aren't paying.
Wearing a white dress is supposed to signify virginity. Being escorted down the aisle and given away is a transfer of property from father to husband. The veil is supposed to hide the woman's face from her husband so that he doesn't see her until the end of the ceremony and he can't run away if he thinks she's ugly. The bridal party is there to keep the bride from running away. Even the cake feeding originated as a way to show the husband's dominance over the wife. If your friend wants to pull a Bridezilla about sexist tradition, she should at least be consistent about it.
Idon'tdateyou, I am not trying to be smart-mouthed - I am not trying to be hardhearted or cold or judgmental - but I AM trying to talk some 55-year-old sense into your much younger head. You have some notions that are going to make the coming years very difficult for you if you don't lighten up a bit....and it sounds as if your friend is of the same ilk.
She IS marrying the family - do NOT get confused. These people were in his life long before she came along, and they will be there if she doesn't make it through the fire. He's not "a member of the family", he's their SON. They were his life and they gave him the life he has and the life he wants to share with her - he is most likely equally concerned about pleasing them as he is about pleasing her. And she should be too - her life will forever be intertwined with these people, for better or worse, richer or poorer, and all that jazz. She needs to put her own desires on the back burner for a while and try to roll with it. As someone said above, is THIS what she really wants to take the stand on, does she really want to die on this hill and start this marriage off with a bad taste in everyone's mouth? No? Then go to the freakin' shower, act like it's the best thing that's ever happened to you, and take your stand when something more serious than a two hour party ON YOUR BEHALF is scheduled. If this is the biggest thing your friend has to deal with, then she is indeed leading a charmed life and should hit her knees and thank God every day that this is the most strife the universe has dealt her.
Good grief. That's all I can say.
But the thing is they completely ignored her opinion and planned this knowing how she felt. That to me says they only care about themselves while claiming they care about her. She told them as soon as they got engaged she didn't like women only bridal showers, said she would be ok with a coed one but not this type. She have them reasons why she opposes this and they basically said "who cares". Her fiance (who agrees with her)told them how she felt and they got nasty. They had no business doing something she specifically said not to.
I think she told me she's not going to attend now at all because she is beyond livid. To boot they didn't even invite her side except her mother.
I think she told me she's not going to attend now at all because she is beyond livid. To boot they didn't even invite her side except her mother.
This is normal. Usually the groom's side has a shower for their friends and family, the bride's side has a separate shower for their friends and family. Sometimes there's another shower for coworkers and friends.
When it comes down to it, nobody absolutely loves going to a shower, but a wedding is about bringing families together. I'm from a big Catholic family and I've been to enough showers to last a lifetime. Your friend is showing huge lack of flexibility and graciousness. I'm single, and I'd have a shower for myself in a hot second. I need new towels and a toaster oven, and if someone wanted to throw me a party, that would be awesome.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 10-27-2012 at 03:05 PM..
I think you have a problem with it as much or more than your friend does...both of you are trying to turn the future in-laws into the evil conspirators and all they want to do is celebrate their son's marriage. I hope she's happy. If this is what it takes to pitch Ms. Bride over the edge, she's got a short fuse.
I have predictions for this marriage. In all honesty, in all seriousness - I hope the groom-to-be knows the art of surrendering gracefully. Sounds like he'll be doing it for many years to come because this chick is simply inflexible.
My family knows that not only do I dislike showers I never attend them. I know if I get married they would know for me I would walk out so I doubt they would try. I send gifts though.
To REALLY make a point... gather all the gifts in your arms and THEN leave.
Wearing a white dress is supposed to signify virginity. Being escorted down the aisle and given away is a transfer of property from father to husband. The veil is supposed to hide the woman's face from her husband so that he doesn't see her until the end of the ceremony and he can't run away if he thinks she's ugly. The bridal party is there to keep the bride from running away. Even the cake feeding originated as a way to show the husband's dominance over the wife. If your friend wants to do away with all sexist tradition, she should at least be consistent about it.
In the Catholic religion the bride isn't given away by her dad. In fact the tradition is both people walk the aisle together.
I'm single, and I'd have a shower for myself in a hot second. I need new towels and a toaster oven, and if someone wanted to throw me a party, that would be awesome.
Yes, it's all about the gift grab. But hey, you're honest.
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