Donations towards Honeymoon/New House in lieu of Typical Bridal/Wedding Registry? (girls, invite)
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I think it's a good idea. I'm glad I found this thread because now I'm considering it.
I think it's better for everyone involved if they get you something you actually want. Why take home a bunch of **** for your kitchen that you are never going to use just because it's a "traditional gift"? Then your guests wasted hundreds of dollars and you got practically nothing for it, because you get nothing you're going to use. Such a waste.
If the guests would spend that money on covering your hotel room or a day tour or something, that would be better for both parties. They would be spending money on something you were sure to use, and you would be getting something you actually want.
I dunno about you guys, but after living with my girlfriend (now fiance) for over a year now, we pretty much have everything we need for around the house. We haven't looked into doing our registry yet (wedding will be in 2014) but I can't even think of anything we'd ask for at this point. I can, however, think of plenty of things we'd like to do for our honeymoon that would be nice to have covered for us.
You got practically nothing for it...that is a weird way of putting it.
You don't have to have a traditional gift registry. I think you have to be very careful in how you word a honeymoon registry. Be careful not to give the impression that you only want cash for your honeymoon and nothing else is acceptable or desired...people who are about to give you a gift don't view that kindly.
How does the gift giver know the money they send will actually be spent on anything to do with the honeymoon? They don't.
I think it's better for everyone involved if they get you something you actually want. Why take home a bunch of **** for your kitchen that you are never going to use just because it's a "traditional gift"? Then your guests wasted hundreds of dollars and you got practically nothing for it, because you get nothing you're going to use. Such a waste.
I can, however, think of plenty of things we'd like to do for our honeymoon that would be nice to have covered for us.
You always have the option of doing the old-fashioned thing and returning your useless gifts. With a gift registry, however, it's stuff you've picked out, you want, and it's tangible. If it's useless, then that's your bad. If you don't need it, don't pick it out - or don't have a registry at all. You're not limited to traditional gifts anyway. If you register at Home Depot for gift cards, I'm sure somewhere in your life you will use that card up for simple things like light bulbs and trash bags. Bed and Bath has towels, shower curtains, dishes...surely those are not once-in-a-lifetime buys in your world. Not to sound selfish, but I've never been skydiving. I think I'd rather contribute to my own adventure before I'm coughing it up for yours. I'd like to have a lot of things covered right now, from the electric bill to that hot pickup truck I have my eye on. That's MY responsibility as an adult old enough to be married. If you're old enough to say "I do" and plan that special honeymoon, it needs to be tailored to what you can afford. If the relatives want to contribute, great!
Much depends on how close you are to the people getting married too. My nephew? I might indulge him a scuba adventure at the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. My best friend's nephew? He gets a gift card.
Back in the day, no one gave money. There weren't even registries at a lot of places...and you ended up with 3 toasters and 4 crockpots. With the advent of the internet and computers, there's virtually no danger of anyone doubling up on desired gifts. Yes, you will have someone who will give you that perfectly horrid wedding gift they thought up on their own. That's where graciousness comes in, and gratefulness that someone cared enough to do anything at all.
Back in the day, no one gave money. There weren't even registries at a lot of places...and you ended up with 3 toasters and 4 crockpots. With the advent of the internet and computers, there's virtually no danger of anyone doubling up on desired gifts. Yes, you will have someone who will give you that perfectly horrid wedding gift they thought up on their own. That's where graciousness comes in, and gratefulness that someone cared enough to do anything at all.
Exactly!! It's a GIFT! Something someone chooses to give you, not something they're obliged to give, not something you get to demand from them.
While some might like a honeymoon registry, don't expect that everyone will fund your trip. I personally have no desire to give "champagne and strawberries" or "couple's massage" as a wedding gift, but some would like that.
IMO, the people who are going to give you money and don't care how it's spent, will do just that, but usually with your thank you note, you indicate how you spent/plan to spend the money. If there are any household items you need, a registry is a good idea for people who are stuck on what to buy, and would rather buy you something you need, than guess at it. There are the people who like to choose something based on what they think they know about you and what you'd like (whether or not you do is another topic), and finally those who handmake something (i.e. a quilt) out of love, again, whether you like it or need it or not. Again, the whole point is to celebrate your union, so be grateful and thankful if people get you anything at all.
I can see both sides of the conversation and think sometimes no matter what you do somebody will think it's tacky. No pleasing everybody!
I guess I am just old school enough that I'd rather give a gift that I know they will use for a long time to come. Yes a honeymoon will make great memories, but I'd rather give something they can open.
I'm going on 30 years and I can't remember a lot of my honeymoon, but I can remember fondly who gave me my cake plate, and my tray set and my.... well you get the idea.
If you have everything you need, then you don't need any kind of gift, only congratulations. Pay for your own trip.
Unthinkable to today's brides and grooms, but I absolutely agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam I Am
I'm sorry - I'm old - but requesting donations to cover the cost of the wedding, a new house, or your dream honeymoon just screams entitlement to me. "I want a great honeymoon, but I don't want to work my ASS off to have it like everyone else has done before me".
The wedding and honeymoon industry has practically brainwashed young people into equating getting married to these over-the-top spectacles and vacations. My first "lavish" vacation (a cruise) didn't happen until my mid-40s, because that's when we could afford it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Exactly!! It's a GIFT! Something someone chooses to give you, not something they're obliged to give, not something you get to demand from them.
There are the people who like to choose something based on what they think they know about you and what you'd like (whether or not you do is another topic), and finally those who handmake something (i.e. a quilt) out of love, again, whether you like it or need it or not. Again, the whole point is to celebrate your union, so be grateful and thankful if people get you anything at all.
It seems the personal aspect of gift-giving is nearly extinct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallysmom
I'm going on 30 years and I can't remember a lot of my honeymoon, but I can remember fondly who gave me my cake plate, and my tray set and my.... well you get the idea.
Yep, me too! I still warmly think of my aunt whenever I use my hand-mixer. It's 30 years old now, but still going strong! I still have other wedding gifts that elicit similar emotional memories.
Honeymoon or mortgage registries are really tacky and smack of selfishness. Most people prefer to give you a actual gift. Really, you should be buying the house or honeymoon that YOU can comfortably afford.
This is a classic case of "Just because other people do it, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do."
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoulesMSU
I think it's a good idea. I'm glad I found this thread because now I'm considering it.
I think it's better for everyone involved if they get you something you actually want. Why take home a bunch of **** for your kitchen that you are never going to use just because it's a "traditional gift"? Then your guests wasted hundreds of dollars and you got practically nothing for it, because you get nothing you're going to use. Such a waste.
If the guests would spend that money on covering your hotel room or a day tour or something, that would be better for both parties. They would be spending money on something you were sure to use, and you would be getting something you actually want.
I dunno about you guys, but after living with my girlfriend (now fiance) for over a year now, we pretty much have everything we need for around the house. We haven't looked into doing our registry yet (wedding will be in 2014) but I can't even think of anything we'd ask for at this point. I can, however, think of plenty of things we'd like to do for our honeymoon that would be nice to have covered for us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
If you have everything you need, then you don't need any kindof gift, only congratulations. Pay for your own trip.
When my husband and I were married (at age 25 when we in graduate school) we were happy that we could afford to drive two hours to Chicago, pay for a cheap hotel for one night, visit the Art Museum, AND still have enough money to have a meal in a restaurant. We weren't expecting our friends and relatives to chip in so we could take a cruise.
When we were in our forties we finally could afford a cruise on our own and truly enjoyed it.
When my husband and I were married (at age 25 when we in graduate school) we were happy that we could afford to drive two hours to Chicago, pay for a cheap hotel for one night, visit the Art Museum, AND still have enough money to have a meal in a restaurant.
But surely you had a lavish wedding in a quaint castle on a hill, followed by a sit-down dinner for 600, reception with open bar, 10-piece band, photo booths, and trick ponies, ......right? Please tell me you didn't scrimp on THAT!!
Or did you have to suffer through a simple church wedding, with cake and punch in the basement, as most of us "back in the day" did?
When my husband and I were married (at age 25 when we in graduate school) we were happy that we could afford to drive two hours to Chicago, pay for a cheap hotel for one night, visit the Art Museum, AND still have enough money to have a meal in a restaurant. We weren't expecting our friends and relatives to chip in so we could take a cruise.
When we were in our forties we finally could afford a cruise on our own and truly enjoyed it.
You missed your opportunity for the lavish honeymoon - should have just taken up donations at the door!
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No pleasing everybody!
