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So, my fiance and I are in the process of planning our wedding. We're mid-level IT people (read: POOR) and will be funding the venture ourselves. We also currently live in a SMALL family property (not living with parents) and are looking to get our own home.
That being said, we're already decided on the fact that we're only inviting about 50 people total to the ceremony/reception due to financial constraints (which is a BIG compromise, seeing as how our invitable families/friends combined total around 200+).
THAT being said, since we don't have the space to put hordes of fine china or other housing sundries, we were thinking of creating a custom Bridal/Wedding registry in that it links to various components of our dream honeymoon (flight tickets, hotel room, etc) that they can donate towards... and/or donating to a New House fund.
Is this in poor form? Should we just ask people to not get us anything at all and instead donate to some charitable organization, thereby removing all awkwardness?
I think it is considered tacky to ask for money to pay for your honeymoon or new house. However, I suggest a gift registry at Lowe's or Home Depot, or a furniture store, and people could purchase smaller items from the list or purchase gift cards toward bigger ticket items. You will definitely need furniture and tools/reno items (i.e. ceramic or hardwood flooring).
Or, don;'t register anywhere so if someone asks your parents where you're registered, and they say "they aren't", people can opt to buy a gift or give $.
If you don't care to receive gifts at all, charitable donations are a good idea too.
I just don't like the idea of "pay for our couples massage" and "strawberries and champagne in our room" gifts. A lot of the time, people might think they're buying that item but the couple is just pocketing the money instead. If I were to give a gift of "tandem parasailing", that is what I want my gift to be, not the $150 cash in your pocket, or I'd have given you cash.
I have never heard of someone asking their reception guests to help pay for honeymoon/house.
One time, a friend of mine got married in Hawaii or something. Then, he and his wife held a small reception in a small hotel reception room. One of the brides friends went around asking people to help pay for the reception room. I had already brought a gift that was on their registry. I don't even think we got a meal, Was very informal. I was in college atthe time, and she asked ME first. I had no clue who she was. I remember it being one if the tackiest wedding receptions ever. Funny thing is, now the groom and bride have a VERY nice home, nice cars, and nice etc....
Also, I have a feeling if I got married, they would most likely not show up to my wedding.
In any case, just have a registry completed by you and your groom to be, just like everyone else.
Money MAY be tight for you, but money is tight for MANY people right now. And it isn't anyone else's responsibility to send you on a tropical honeymoon. Many people don't even take a honeymoon, let alone 'chip in' so someone else can take a honeymoon.
Throwing a reception is about celebrating your marriage with family and friends. It isn't a way to receive gifts and then ask for donations to help pay YOUR bills. I'm not saying you are doing that, but your honeymoon is your responsibility, and I would never outright ask someone to help pay for it.
So, my fiance and I are in the process of planning our wedding. We're mid-level IT people (read: POOR) and will be funding the venture ourselves. We also currently live in a SMALL family property (not living with parents) and are looking to get our own home.
That being said, we're already decided on the fact that we're only inviting about 50 people total to the ceremony/reception due to financial constraints (which is a BIG compromise, seeing as how our invitable families/friends combined total around 200+).
THAT being said, since we don't have the space to put hordes of fine china or other housing sundries, we were thinking of creating a custom Bridal/Wedding registry in that it links to various components of our dream honeymoon (flight tickets, hotel room, etc) that they can donate towards... and/or donating to a New House fund.
Is this in poor form? Should we just ask people to not get us anything at all and instead donate to some charitable organization, thereby removing all awkwardness?
Asking people for money, even on behalf of a charity, is vulgar beyond all human belief. The supposition is that all gifts are a surprise for the happy couple and certainly not an obligation for the person invited.
My coworker did the website thing where guests could help with the honeymoon. It was a few years back and the first time I encountered it. I didn't think it was tacky. I thought it was a neat idea and 2 of my coworkers and I bought an activity for the couple.
How is it really any different than buying a gift? I think it's more meaningful than a knife set.
In any case, just have a registry completed by you and your groom to be, just like everyone else.
Yes OP, how dare you try to be different! Your registry is to prepare you to be ordinary with your cookie cutter house, your SUV and 2.5 kids. Just like everyone else.
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