Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Even if one has the means, spending $l5K on a wedding is not what I see as a prudent use of money, it has nothing to do with being cheap as I spend quite liberally on things that i consider worthwhile for instance hobbies and such... $15 K for what I essentially consider a party is unacceptable to me, I am not judging those that want to spend it but I would not and my partner should be of the same mindset agree?
Even if one has the means, spending $l5K on a wedding is not what I see as a prudent use of money, it has nothing to do with being cheap as I spend quite liberally on things that i consider worthwhile for instance hobbies and such... $15 K for what I essentially consider a party is unacceptable to me, I am not judging those that want to spend it but I would not and my partner should be of the same mindset agree?
Even if one has the means, spending $l5K on a wedding is not what I see as a prudent use of money, it has nothing to do with being cheap as I spend quite liberally on things that i consider worthwhile for instance hobbies and such... $15 K for what I essentially consider a party is unacceptable to me, I am not judging those that want to spend it but I would not and my partner should be of the same mindset agree?
Wow, I feel totally the opposite. He is willing to spend the money, but just wants it to be spent on practical investments that improve quality of life, such as paying down loans/debt. That is maturity to me.
It's not really an issue of practical or not. "Practical" is a moving target, after all. You might consider $2,000 for the wedding to be quite thrifty. I might consider that ridiculously expensive. The point is that if one is choosing to be part of a couple, that requires approaching decisions from a couples standpoint. Both parties have to be heard, genuinely listened to, and a compromise both are okay with reached. And it's not just that he lets her talk and then does whatever he wants. If he's not approaching it with a mindset that how she feels is absolutely as valid and valuable as how he feels, the marriage is doomed and he's the one who's going to ruin it.
BTW, my wedding cost less than a thousand dollars. I do get the OP's mindset. But that doesn't make him in any more right in his way of thinking that it's "his" decision and "his" money and his future wife is just sort of a set decoration in the whole process.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redrocket2
Even if one has the means, spending $l5K on a wedding is not what I see as a prudent use of money, it has nothing to do with being cheap as I spend quite liberally on things that i consider worthwhile for instance hobbies and such... $15 K for what I essentially consider a party is unacceptable to me, I am not judging those that want to spend it but I would not and my partner should be of the same mindset agree?
There's a lot of "me me me" in all your statements. It's fine to blow money liberally on your hobbies, but if there's something that's important to your wife, no way should you blow money on that. Sorry, but you don't sound ready to be a husband to anyone. You're all wrapped up in yourself.
bride wants to spend it but has just enough money to cover the expenses above the $10k that the groom is willing to spend, after that she will have $0 in the bank and is bringing in a car loan and student loan into the marriage. He has no debt.
Groom is 40, so a bit older and more established and can afford the suggested cost but philosophically does not agree with spending that much on a wedding and has a maximum cap of $10k. He thinks it's a waste of money to spend that much just for a day entertaining guests and would rather apply the money to paying down her student loan and car.
Hence the disagreement. Bride thinks it's a once in a lifetime occasion and justifies the expense...Groom thinks marriage itself is more important and treating guests in a small inexpensive venue does not have to costs ridiculous amounts of money. He thinks $10k for a 1 day party is plenty. Plus he has to buy a $3-4k ring and the honeymoon would cost another $3-4k so that's a good chunk of money that mostly will fall on his shoulders.
Two schools of thought - there are people saying he SHOULD not compromise on his philosophies because if he gives in now that is going to be his story for all his married life. The other school of thought thinks he is being cheap and should spend it to make his significant other happy when he can afford it rather than proving some belief of his.
My opinion - he should not compromise because if he goes against what he believes in just to please her then the marriage is off to a bad start... I say that if she had a good amount of money then it would be ok but considering that she is on the edge financially and bringing in debt into the marriage she is in no position to demand these types of things.
It is interesting that I know several couples who shared the cost of her engagement ring. And every couple that I know shared the cost of the honeymoon (unless one of the sets of parents paid for it).
Perhaps a place to start talking would be, "Honey, let's consider a much smaller engagement ring, perhaps $1,500. And let's not go on a honeymoon until more of our debts, your student loans, etc are paid off. That will give us another $4,000 to $5,500 to actually spend on the wedding. What do you think, darling?"
Even if one has the means, spending $l5K on a wedding is not what I see as a prudent use of money, it has nothing to do with being cheap as I spend quite liberally on things that iconsider worthwhile for instance hobbies and such... $15 K for what I essentially consider a party is unacceptable to me, I am not judging those that want to spend it but I would not and my partner should be of the same mindset agree?
bride wants to spend it but has just enough money to cover the expenses above the $10k that the groom is willing to spend, after that she will have $0 in the bank and is bringing in a car loan and student loan into the marriage. He has no debt.
Groom is 40, so a bit older and more established and can afford the suggested cost but philosophically does not agree with spending that much on a wedding and has a maximum cap of $10k. He thinks it's a waste of money to spend that much just for a day entertaining guests and would rather apply the money to paying down her student loan and car.
Hence the disagreement. Bride thinks it's a once in a lifetime occasion and justifies the expense...Groom thinks marriage itself is more important and treating guests in a small inexpensive venue does not have to costs ridiculous amounts of money. He thinks $10k for a 1 day party is plenty. Plus he has to buy a $3-4k ring and the honeymoon would cost another $3-4k so that's a good chunk of money that mostly will fall on his shoulders.
Two schools of thought - there are people saying he SHOULD not compromise on his philosophies because if he gives in now that is going to be his story for all his married life. The other school of thought thinks he is being cheap and should spend it to make his significant other happy when he can afford it rather than proving some belief of his.
My opinion - he should not compromise because if he goes against what he believes in just to please her then the marriage is off to a bad start... I say that if she had a good amount of money then it would be ok but considering that she is on the edge financially and bringing in debt into the marriage she is in no position to demand these types of things.
I agree with you. Traditionally the bride's parents foot the bill?? Seems like this bride should know that if she doesn't have the money, it should be the main reason not to go overboard. It actually sounds like these two will have money problems in their marriage, sense there is no meeting of the minds about this. Not a good way to start out. If it were me...I'd tell the groom to spend the money on a trip to Vegas, and call it good...The bride can have a bang up reception....with little cost.
Another suggestion would be to tell your Groom friend to explain to his fiance that if she really wants such an elaborate wedding, perhaps the wedding date should be put off until the money has been saved up That should end this nonsense.
^^^This. You need to be in agreement, well before a wedding, about how you save, pay bills, invest and spend. And you have to have the flexibility to understand other points of view and be able to compromise. One person in a couple doesn't get to decide what is a reasonable or unreasonable expenditure.
IInterestng topic... what if one is nit able to reach a consensus or if one person backs down but is unhappy? Say one person wants 10k and the other wants 20k?
Would you see it as a sign of financial incompatibility for marriage or would you just go along with the higher cost for your partners sake?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That should end this nonsense.
