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A rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party to rehearse and any family that is in it as well, the is the whole point of it. Not to have to pay for any out of town guests to come and watch you rehearse.
Rehearsal is boring, go to the movies and have fun or go out to eat somewhere.
I dont come from a family with a strong wedding ettiquite. I dont know what the proper thing regarding rehearsal dinners is, or what out of town guests are entitled to.
My experience is the small church wedding with around 50 guests at the reception. Everyone goes home at the end of the evening, not even the wee hours of the morning. Only the Catholics have booze and full meals for the guests, everyone else has punch and maybe sandwiches. Only the cakes are mandatory. I have heard stories of the Polish wedding where second mortgages are taken out for the food and alchohol, but those were probably catholic weddings too for all I know.
Us poor folk think life is grand when we have extra cookies after the reception is over, so please dont look to me for advice on what to serve.
Hotel/motel accomodations is something that the aggravating relatives get to use, everyone else has a pallet on the floor or the worn out sofa sleeper in someone's gameroom. Would never think of requesting they put their room on my points. What would my old pickup truck distributor use a hotel room for? New points and a condenser would be a nice gift, but I would never ask for them, kinda trashy I would agree.
What does a guest do for 3 days other than get under foot? I mean the ceremony starts early afternoon and the reception is over by 10pm or earlier. After that everyone just wants to rest and recover and wait for the couple to get back from their honeymoon to see the glow on their faces.
A rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party to rehearse and any family that is in it as well, the is the whole point of it. Not to have to pay for any out of town guests to come and watch you rehearse.
Rehearsal is boring, go to the movies and have fun or go out to eat somewhere.
Correction--- you do not rehearse at the dinner, you eat, give toasts, and socialize with other people in the wedding party, parents & siblings of the bride & groom and other guests at the dinner.
I have been invited to and attended several wedding rehearsal dinners as an out of town guest. I never attended the actual rehearsal at the church. Normally the dinner is held someplace other than where the rehearsal is held. As an example, at my nephew's wedding the people in the wedding party meet at the church at 6:30 PM and "rehearsed" until 7:30 PM and then went to a nearby restaurant for the rehearsal dinner that started at 8 PM. The out of towners & other honored guests just joined the wedding party/parents/minister/etc. at the restaurant at 8 PM. They did not "watch the rehearsal". However, maybe that is expected in some places. But, I have never heard anyone that did that.
Correction--- you do not rehearse at the dinner, you eat, give toasts, and socialize with other people in the wedding party, parents & siblings of the bride & groom and other guests at the dinner.
I have been invited to and attended several wedding rehearsal dinners as an out of town guest. I never attended the actual rehearsal at the church. Normally the dinner is held someplace other than where the rehearsal is held. As an example, at my nephew's wedding the people in the wedding party meet at the church at 6:30 PM and "rehearsed" until 7:30 PM and then went to a nearby restaurant for the rehearsal dinner that started at 8 PM. The out of towners & other honored guests just joined the wedding party/parents/minister/etc. at the restaurant at 8 PM. They did not "watch the rehearsal". However, maybe that is expected in some places. But, I have never heard anyone that did that.
I think your the only one on this thread that gets it.
Out of town guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner. Period.
The simple answer to any of these types of questions is - would you want to be included in a dinner if you went to the trouble of attending an event from your home far away? If excluding some of your travelers would lead to ruffled feathers, isn't it better to tone down a fancy dinner to a more modest one and include all?
For anyone who has been overlooked at one of these events, the answer is clear.
The simple answer to any of these types of questions is - would you want to be included in a dinner if you went to the trouble of attending an event from your home far away? If excluding some of your travelers would lead to ruffled feathers, isn't it better to tone down a fancy dinner to a more modest one and include all?
For anyone who has been overlooked at one of these events, the answer is clear.
Disagree on many levels.
It's not "a" dinner, it's a rehearsal dinner, which IMHO was always meant to provide a final pre-craziness social sitdown for a small group of family and the wedding party.
Who said it's a fancy dinner? They all are not like that.
I haven't been to too many weddings but all have been out of town.
In ZERO cases have I expected to have any private or 'special' time with the bride and groom, including the rehearsal dinner. Never. I think to assume that you're entitles just because you're from out of town is a bit much. In fact I kind of like that I'll have some free time in a distant place.
Now don't get me wrong...I think twice before agreeing to go to an out of town wedding if I'm not really close to the celebrants.
I haven't been to too many weddings but all have been out of town.
In ZERO cases have I expected to have any private or 'special' time with the bride and groom, includingthe rehearsal dinner. Never. I think to assume that you're entitles just because you're from out of town is a bit much. In fact I kind of like that I'll have some free time in a distant place.
Now don't get me wrong...I think twice before agreeing to go to an out of town wedding if I'm not really close to the celebrants.
OTOH, I have been invited to the rehearsal dinner100% of the time when I attended a wedding as an out of town guest (needing to take off of work, driving a long, long distance or flying in a day or so before the wedding). I can certainly see how "misunderstandings" and "upset feelings" can occur among wedding guests.
I think that part of the confusion on this thread is what people mean when they refer to guests as from "out of town". At my son's wedding there were several dozen people who drove two, three and, a few people, four hours to get to his wedding. All of these people drove in the morning of the wedding and some/many stayed overnight after the wedding (there was a several hour picnic the day after the wedding).
What we considered the true out of town guests were the dozen people who decided to take a day or two off of work to drive 10 to 12 hours to the wedding or flew 1,000 or 2,000 miles to get to his wedding. Usually, "random guests" do not spend hundreds, if not a thousand or more dollars to attend a wedding at that distance. These guests were aunts/uncles/best friends/god parents/etc. and were invited to the rehearsal dinner with the people who attended the actual wedding rehearsal.
BTW my son & his bride never referred to that celebration as "the rehearsal dinner" but always "the Friday Night Dinner". They said that most of the weddings that they have attended in recent years do not call it a "rehearsal dinner" but use some other name. Perhaps, that is also where some of the confusion is coming from in this thread.
The dinner in question is most certainly A dinner. It may be characterized by another heading as well but it is still A dinner.
Also, I never said it was a fancy dinner since I know nothing of the minute details. I was simply making an observation that, rather than ruffle the feathers of those who may be left out due to financial concerns, it would be better to readjust budgets in order to accommodate those who would otherwise be left out.
Is a wedding guest not an honored guest, especially someone who is travelling from far away and at expense to attend?
Is a wedding guest not an honored guest, especially someone who is travelling from far away and at expense to attend?
Yes. Should I invite them to the wedding night too? What about the honeymoon?
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