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The good thing is gold/platinum has come down some in the last few years. A nice ring can be had for 1K depending on what you want. Heck, I've seen some nice pieces on Etsy for 500 bucks.
Another thing, when it comes to sapphires, Cut and Color are more important than clarity in Sapphires. Many Sapphires are cut overseas and range from excelent cut to rather terribly cut.
I have been married and divorced before with a traditional diamond wedding set. Apparently a fancy diamond ring does not make the relationship, because that set was super expensive, and the relationship failed anyway. When my girlfriend proposed to me, I was thrilled. I did NOT want a diamond ring. I wanted another wedding set that was beautiful and would symbolize our unique and nontraditional relationship. (Ironically, she did want a diamond ring, because no one had ever gotten her one, so I purchased her a single wide band diamond wedding ring). So we looked on Etsy, my favorite jewelry site, and I got a custom made wedding set featuring a patented special cut 8 mm natural white topaz engagement ring and matching wedding ring with natural white sapphire stones. Both rings together cost less than $900, and I love it more than any other ring I've ever seen or worn. If you have a lot of expenses coming up, paying for an expensive engagement ring should be the least of your worries. BTW OP, the seller I bought my set from on Etsy also does custom cut rings in sapphires, rubies, and other gemstones. If you would like her name, just DM me and I can give you that info.
Please tell me they would not actually say things like this ^^^.
Or is this just your fear??
Admittedly, at this point, it's a fear, but it's one based in reality. Some of her siblings and their spouses are pretty materialistic and outspoken. Even if they don't say anything, she might still perceive (real or not) their dissatisfaction (for lack of a better word).
They're all younger than her and part of the selfie, "look at me," YOLO crowd. They wear brand new suits and dresses to holiday parties (they can't be photographed at more than one event with the same clothes), wear only expensive, name-brand clothing, and do the same for their < 4 year old kids. They drive high-end cars (BMW, Audi, etc. though admittedly never the latest model) and change their cars a couple times a year. One of her sisters wore a $300 pair of sunglasses to eat wings at a sports bar with us.
As far as I can tell, none of them make as much money as I do. They're probably riding the debt-wagon pretty hard, but that's their expectation of how to live life: if you've got it, flaunt it. It's a different mindset and culture. Again, she's not like them, but they are family, and she is close to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
I wouldn't jeopardize your credit score or have less than the 20% you want. Is there an urgency to wanting to propose earlier, rather than after you get the house and have saved up for the amount you want to spend on a ring?
I won't have 20% down either way, but an extra $5k of principle on the loan could be an extra year or two of paying PMI, etc. (I haven't done that math yet)
And yes, there is some urgency to the proposal. We've been together about a year and a half, living together for 10 months. In her culture that's way longer than normal, and to her we're approaching $#!t-or-get-off-the-pot time. And before anyone asks, no that didn't influence my decision. I really do want to be with her and think that things will work out well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme
Honestly - I feel like this is more about his ego than it is about what anyone else would say. Once you get older, you stop caring so much about what other people think and care more about what YOU think.
That's a good guess from this thread, and there might be a little ego involved (mainly affecting the desire to upgrade the ring later). However, the main thing I'm trying to do is figure out what my options are and what kind of impacts they may have. If it were purely up to me, I'd probably buy a $1000 blue sapphire ring and be done with it. But then, I find the lack of color in diamonds boring, am not the flashy type, and am far more willing to buck tradition than she is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme
If you're buying a home for a life together, paying the majority of her expenses, and preparing for to have a kid, couldn't she also just say that to her friends/siblings if they are tacky enough to say anything? Honestly, I am sure that there will be more sincere congratulations than the reaction you're creating in your mind.
There will be sincere congratulations regardless; and yes, she would say that. The question is more about if she would feel like she's making excuses while saying it. That sort of thing doesn't go over well with her, and would make me feel bad.
While I thank everyone for your questions and comments, I would appreciate if we could get back on the original topic of this thread, which was not "why would I do this?", but simply "is this acceptable / how would this make you feel?" I think there's plenty of background information in this thread now (more than necessary), and I just want to see your answers / any alternatives.
While I thank everyone for your questions and comments, I would appreciate if we could get back on the original topic of this thread, which was not "why would I do this?", but simply "is this acceptable / how would this make you feel?" I think there's plenty of background information in this thread now (more than necessary), and I just want to see your answers / any alternatives.
I think several posters have said that, yes, this is acceptable and they would be very happy with a non-diamond ring. Non-diamond rings are becoming quite popular, in fact. Most of the people I know have non- diamond rings totally be choice (all could have afforded diamonds of equivalent size and quality). There is even an article on CNN today about this.
Go for the sapphire. You can get more "wow factor" with a large, sparkly sapphire. And it's her birthstone, so it's logical, even to her materialistic siblings.
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While I thank everyone for your questions and comments, I would appreciate if we could get back on the original topic of this thread, which was not "why would I do this?", but simply "is this acceptable / how would this make you feel?" I think there's plenty of background information in this thread now (more than necessary), and I just want to see your answers / any alternatives.
Dude its fine. like i said you can get something close to a carat for under 5k thats really nice and her sisters and friends will all be impressed. But have you had this conversation with your girl? I asked mine, do you want a bigger ring that might not be as shiny/sparkly, or a better quality that might be smaller. Whatever your price range, hit me up if you have any questions and i can find you something good in that range.
Answer: do what you want. We've all expressed opinions that you should do what you can and not worry about what others think. It's you that seems more bothered by it. Maybe I am a different type of woman, but if someone else was providing me with a life I couldn't afford I'd be dang happy with anything. It's not her money or her credit for the house is it? And then I sure as heck wouldn't let anyone else judge what is really just a piece of jewelry when it all comes down to it!
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