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We're a poor couple here, I'm 30, he is 29, we both are two Financial Independent adults with our own jobs, and we are saving up for a house down-payment.
Know him 4 years, friends prior to his chase. He chase for 6 months and I gave in to be his girl, and we been dating exclusive/committed for over a year now.
I know dating over a year is not a long time. But we live in the same neighborhood so things progress in a faster pace; due to the close distance of two minutes walk from each others apartment.
So I don't think the 'fast progress' is a red flag under our situation.
Our relationship is not perfect, but one good thing is this relationship is it full of fidelity on both physically & emotionally level. There is no third party between us.
He is not the type of guy that talks alot about his inner feelings. He more of the 'actions' type, than the 'words' type, when he say something, he do it.
As the relationship progress, it was his idea; He buy a pair of matching, classic type of band ring.
He called it rings to show 'committment'. So I guess it is 'committment rings' by his definition.
Which confused me because I never heard such thing called 'commitment ring", I only heard of promise ring, engagement ring, wedding ring.
He wore the ring 24/7 on his hand. Since he buy the matching rings himself, so pretty much he put a ring on his own finger, telling everybody that he’s taken.
BUT he never say the 'official' proposal words to me. But many times he said that: "If you want, we go register for marriage tomorrow". He said this before, and he still say it now.
I just didn't take this as the 'official' proposal words. Should I considered it as he propose?
Seem like he just throw the ball on my court, and let me be the one to decide when I want to get married?
To be frank, we are just a poor couple; we pretty much don't have assets, we don't even have enough money to buy a house.
But fortunately here in USA, people can go to County Clerk Office to apply for a legally marriage license certificate, and it cheap.
Wedding ceremony doesn't even have to be big, it can be simple as a family member or a priest, minister, or judge can be witness and perform the ceremony, it cheap too.
But is a marriage needed for a couple that is poor with no assets like us?
i don't know if he ever going to say the 'official' proposal words.
But he does say things like: "If you want, we can go register for marriage tomorrow?" ---- say this again last night before he left to work.
"When ever you ready, I'm just waiting on you"
"When are you going to give me a son?" ----- he say this everytime he see neighbors little kids running around playing in the playground.
Sentences like that come out of his mouth alot in our relationship.
Does this sound like a guy who gonna propose soon? Or as a girl, I have to propose to him?
Don't know the answer to your question, but here in the good ole USA, I think a girl would take that as a proposal and respond by saying, "Are you asking me to marry you?"
I don't know why you aren't answering him with a, "We will go to a courthouse as soon as you actually ask me to marry you." (if you even want to marry this guy)
I would think this is a sign of a need to work on your communication with him before you would think about marriage.
Honestly, if you have been together this long, and the two of you have to play games by skirting a real discussion on marriage I can only imagine how a real issue would be handled within a marriage.
If he is a man of actions and not words, then you need to be a little more bold and ask some questions... even if they are difficult to ask or for him to answer.
Nobody here can tell you if he is seriously trying to propose. Only he can.
We were friends prior to dating becasue we live in the same neighborhood. But we only been dating for little over a year.
Yes, perhaps it a culture issue. In my Asian culture, girls are NOT suppose to ask the man in hand for marriage, nor initiate engagement with the man.
I don't know how is my boyfriend African culture is, if it okay for me to be blunt to the pont of shove it in his face ask him if what he meant was a proposal.
I don't want to force the proposal out of him, I also don't want to pressure him into a proposal neither.
I want him to naturally say it out of his own willing, just like he buy the matching ring out of his own will.
And I always think a serious official propose would be like: "will you married me" NOT the "If you want, we can go register for marriage tomorrow'. These 2 sentences is NOT the same.
I guess I'm so caught up with wanting to hear the 'official' proposal words from him. I'm keep waiting to for the sentence "will you married me", waiting, waiting...
Some people say maybe he is the type that "want a serious relationship, but Not ever want a marriage". But then those people are those doesn't know him at all.
I think your BF is going about it the right way with the right words.
Neither of you have a lot of assets so he is not going to put you on the spot with a straight out proposal. He wants to make it more of a mutual agreement between you both to get married rather than one person trying to convince the other why they should say yes. With very little assists, that would be a hard case to make.
So he is putting it out there that he's ready if you are. In other words, he's telling you his decision is made and you just have to either make yours or continue as you have been.
If you are a person who likes romance and the fact that he has not actually proposed is going to bother you, that's not the only thing that may bother you in this relationship. Chances are that he is NOT romantic. Will that be an issue for you? If it will be, it's time to reevaluate your path. If it's not an issue, but you still want the proposal, why not throw the ball back into his court by informing him that you have not yet heard a proposal and in your culture that is what is required.
Have you asked any of your family members how they feel about this lack of a proposal? What does his family have to say?
Last time I took my boyfriend to Chinatown in Los Angeles, to let him eat my culture Chinese authentic food here in Chinatown.
Then we passed by a jewelry store, we came in to take a look. He prefer 'silver', but I told him No silver, my Chinese culture prefer GOLD, lol
I said since we both poor anyways, so go with whatever the CHEAPEST price there, lol
Gold in Chinatown jewelry store is cheap anyways. Much cheaper than in the American jelwery store.
Then he brough the "committment/couple rings" for us to wear. It the cheap simple band rings, with no design, no rock, no nothing, just simply gold.
I bet he bought the 'gold' because of me, or else he would have choose the 'silver' that he likes.
So yeah, years knowing him from living in this ghetto neighborhood; all I have is the "committment"/'couple rings" and the random sentence throw in my face of: "Baby, If you want, we can go apply for a marriage marriage liscense tomorrow."
Until today there still haven't any "official' proposal of: "would you married me?" yet. It been a while already, and still no romantic proposal at all. I'm still waiting, but it ain't coming out of his mouth.
This Chinese girl here will not propose to him, and will NOT beg him for a proposal!! NEVER!!
And the cheap plain matching rings look like this:
I know this is ain't the rock/crystal 'engagement ring' style, so he isn't propose to me.
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