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One of my good friends lives in a different state about 5 hours away. She had her bachelorette party a few weeks ago and I attended that. Her bridesmaids/friends planning it asked that we all bring a small gift for the bachelorette. For attending that, I spent about $215. Her wedding is in June and I will have to pay for the bus/flight there (I don't have a car), hotel room, and a wedding gift (plus my outfit). I got an invitation to her bridal shower tea party next week and I cannot attend. I had no idea she was even having a bridal shower and I've never been to one. Is it just another way of getting gifts or do people give a gift there and not a wedding gift? I was originally planning on just letting them know I can't go and that's it because I didn't know bridal shower etiquette, but I got an email from some friends of hers asking if I wanted in on a gift that I would have to ship in $75 for. They aren't attending either. They ended up saying they bought the gift, so i'm not in on it, but that's the first time I thought of having to send a gift. I'm currently unemployed and haven't gotten a paycheck since December, and then I had Christmas and that bachelorette party, so I really don't have much money at the moment. What's the proper etiquette in this situation?
I know it's too late now but why did you spend $200 on a small gift? I don't recall bachelorette parties being a gift-giving occasion, usually that's the shower.
Do you have any creative talents where you could make a gift for them, something from the heart, that won't break the bank? I received a beautiful handmade quilt, a cross-stitched framed picture with our names and wedding date included, and a set of homemade Christmas placemats and matching table runner. Those are gifts to treasure.
I spent about $200 in total for attending the bachelorette, meaning transportation, hotel room, activities, small gift.
I have no artistic talents This is so annoying, I'm super broke right now because I haven't gotten a new stable job yet and I'm single and have rent to pay every month. I just don't get why I have to get her a gift besides a wedding gift if I attended her expensive bachelorette?
If I do get her a gift, how long do I have to send it to her? The bridal shower is this weekend and the wedding is first week of June, that's 2 expensive gifts around the same time seems excessive to me. Plus I have to pay for a hotel room and bus/flight for the wedding.
If you can't afford it and are not attending the shower than don't send a gift. If this woman is your friend she should be aware of your current employment and financial situation, and she should be understanding of that. For her to do otherwise says more about her than about you.
If you can't afford it and are not attending the shower than don't send a gift. If this woman is your friend she should be aware of your current employment and financial situation, and she should be understanding of that. For her to do otherwise says more about her than about you.
Exactly. When we got married friends that flew in, to me that was their gift. Anyone that purchased something on top of that I thought was overly generous.
Don't put yourself in a situation because you feel obligated.
Your travel is overly generous given your situation. A gift is just that, a GIFT!
For future reference, usually I would split up what I planned on giving total between the bridal shower and wedding. For example, if you planned to spend $100, split it up between the two. Or $50. Or $10. A gift is something special you want to give. No bride (or person) should ever snub a gift, therefore you shouldn't feel pressured if you cannot give. However, a small gesture (even a card) is a must in my book. You can get them for $1.
It is pretty common to have a bachelorette party and a shower. Gifts needn't be expensive. One of my favorite low cost wedding gifts is a framed wedding invitation.
If it were me, and this was a close friend, I would send a shower gift, even if I couldn't attend. If it isn't that close of a friend, I might not. It would also be ok for you to wait until you get a job, then send a gift (hopefully within the next few months??)
I spent about $200 in total for attending the bachelorette, meaning transportation, hotel room, activities, small gift.
I have no artistic talents This is so annoying, I'm super broke right now because I haven't gotten a new stable job yet and I'm single and have rent to pay every month. I just don't get why I have to get her a gift besides a wedding gift if I attended her expensive bachelorette?
If I do get her a gift, how long do I have to send it to her? The bridal shower is this weekend and the wedding is first week of June, that's 2 expensive gifts around the same time seems excessive to me. Plus I have to pay for a hotel room and bus/flight for the wedding.
You don't HAVE to do anything, but showers are traditional and are not uncommon. Would you be happier if you hadn't been invited?
She's your good friend, right? They send her a card with your apologies as to not being able to attend. In this card write her a really nice letter reminding her of all of the good times you had together and how excited you are that she is embarking on this new chapter of her life.
A lovey letter from a dear friend (not just a signed card) would make me smile so much more than any physical gift.
If you can't afford it and are not attending the shower than don't send a gift. If this woman is your friend she should be aware of your current employment and financial situation, and she should be understanding of that. For her to do otherwise says more about her than about you.
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This is so annoying, I'm super broke right now because I haven't gotten a new stable job yet and I'm single and have rent to pay every month. I just don't get why I have to get her a gift besides a wedding gift if I attended her expensive bachelorette? 
