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I'm not judging you, except to say that I agree with you.
Frankly, unless there is some big thing that you don't know about (such as the baby's other set of grandparents are visiting from Europe that weekend and it was scheduled two years ago- but I really doubt it) your cousin seems really selfish.
I know it is disappointing but you may just have it accept it, unless some relative can make her realize that her choice of days for the shower is not very good.
Unfortunately, her parents live about five minutes down the road, so I cannot believe that it is anything other than what I think it is. Sadly, I have noticed this girl is very much a no-compromise, my way or the highway type person. I can deal with it when I am in town, but I do not think I could take extended doses of that (but I am very neurotic and always go with the flow but end up feeling very exhausted dealing with difficult people after a while).
I think I just have to accept it. I asked nicely to change it, they refused. I can't make them change their minds or do something they are unwilling to do, but it is a shame that less people will be at their event than would have normally been there and that it is a shame my aunt will miss the wedding (but it is not because she didn't want to come, but life happens).
I was upset for a couple of days, but it makes me think about how anything for me must be a big deal - my parents/sister's family live in TX and I still live in VA. I'm not having a bridal shower at all because it is just too much of a headache. I figure the actual wedding is enough to make people travel to attend!
I guess it is hard for me to see their perspective at times, because I do not see my mom coming up for a baby shower should I ever be blessed enough to have a child. It wouldn't make any sense to have her come up for that when I'd rather her come after the kid was born... but I think that is also the luxury of having family so close by? I don't know how to say what I mean... that maybe I do not see it as a huge deal if people miss her baby shower, because I live far away from most of my family and do not have that level of expectation that, "if you are not at this, you are not choosing me!"
Even then, with them scheduling the baby shower, it wasn't about them choosing me but about the inconvenience to people who would want to do both!
Unfortunately, her parents live about five minutes down the road, so I cannot believe that it is anything other than what I think it is. Sadly, I have noticed this girl is very much a no-compromise, my way or the highway type person. I can deal with it when I am in town, but I do not think I could take extended doses of that (but I am very neurotic and always go with the flow but end up feeling very exhausted dealing with difficult people after a while).
I think I just have to accept it. I asked nicely to change it, they refused. I can't make them change their minds or do something they are unwilling to do, but it is a shame that less people will be at their event than would have normally been there and that it is a shame my aunt will miss the wedding (but it is not because she didn't want to come, but life happens).
I was upset for a couple of days, but it makes me think about how anything for me must be a big deal - my parents/sister's family live in TX and I still live in VA. I'm not having a bridal shower at all because it is just too much of a headache. I figure the actual wedding is enough to make people travel to attend!
I guess it is hard for me to see their perspective at times, because I do not see my mom coming up for a baby shower should I ever be blessed enough to have a child. It wouldn't make any sense to have her come up for that when I'd rather her come after the kid was born... but I think that is also the luxury of having family so close by? I don't know how to say what I mean... that maybe I do not see it as a huge deal if people miss her baby shower, because I live far away from most of my family and do not have that level of expectation that, "if you are not at this, you are not choosing me!"
Even then, with them scheduling the baby shower, it wasn't about them choosing me but about the inconvenience to people who would want to do both!
Just enjoy your wedding and let her keep right on being a weirdo.
You have the right attitude.
You can always be sure to get plenty of pictures for your aunt, or maybe even some video if someone feels like getting a little here and there and you're not hiring someone. It'll be fun. You could always Skype her at the reception or what have you.
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Trust me! It took a few days to get myself to that point because silently I was very mad about it, but I am also glad that I did not say anything while I was feeling upset about it! I did not want it to be more than it is.
I am glad that I asked them to change it, though, if that makes sense! I am glad that I had the courage to ask, because I usually feel mad, do nothing about it, and then eventually get over it. I am just glad I had the ability to say what I needed to say nicely, because I felt like it might be a little crazy to ask someone to change their event because I do not own the weekend. It was good to ask, even if that is a little crazy, to assert myself! LOL!
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme
So, today in a facebook group for bridal info, I read this lady go on a meltdown because her mom was paying 80% of the wedding but they got into a fight and now won't pay... she asked how does she go about suing her mother for the promised gift!
I shake my head at people who feel the need to put all of their family business on Facebook. It's disgusting in my opinion.
Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
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One thing for sure, weddings in the US IN GENERAL are less extravagant than weddings in Asian countries.
I knew that fact on the back of my mind but it was long forgotten until my brother got married. We all went back to Indonesia and I was reminded how crazy it was (not to mention excessive and borderline animal abuse).
This is some of the things noted during his wedding reception:
1. It is the custom in Indonesia for the wedded couple, along with both sides of parents to sit in "thrones" while people come in and enjoy the food. They made a fake grass island in the shape of heart with a bridge. The thrones are in the middle. On the moat, there were actually swan painted pink; some with crowns. Ay AY AY!
2. Wedding planner is such a lucrative job there. He and his minions were all dressed up in blacks during the occasion; started from the blessing in the church, civil union signage in the local government center all the way to the reception. They had walkies talkies and whatnot - just like secret agents. I was like wtf. It is serious but it is NOT that serious....
3. The grand entrance of the couple before reception was rehearsed. And unfortunately, all the siblings were the part of the damn show. I despise attentions and I had to walk out off the building with silly tuxedo with golden trims and what not. And when the couple comes out and had to walk all the way to the island, there was fireworks, trumpet players on each side of the walkways and confetti launched from small canon-like devices. I literally jumped as a confetti canon shot close to me. During the rehearsal, they never told me that there would be these things.
4. There were food stands everywhere with different food. People could choose whatever food they want to eat.
Any indonesian-chinese here probably now what type of spectacle these weddings are!
Last edited by asiandudeyo; 04-22-2015 at 01:13 PM..
So, today in a facebook group for bridal info, I read this lady go on a meltdown because her mom was paying 80% of the wedding but they got into a fight and now won't pay... she asked how does she go about suing her mother for the promised gift!
And then a lady said, "Don't do that, just ask your guests to pay for their own dinner! I am having my reception at a local restaurant that is okay with us making a large dinner reservation and having the guests split checks. We made sure to include it on our invitation and many are loving the idea."
SMH!
I understand the sticker shock of a wedding. In fact, without connections my brother has being a vendor himself, I couldn't afford the wedding I am having but if he backed out I couldn't imagine suing him, nor could I imagine who thinks it is a lovely idea to have your guests pay and is then asking about RSVPs and if people RSVP no aren't they still supposed to send a gift and how do you manage that because she is asking for their honeymoon paid for bc they can't afford one....
SMH again!
I am all for realizing that you can scale back a wedding and don't need everything the wedding industry says you need, so I think all of this is just a lil cray-cray.
With all of my wedding costs, even with the help from my brother, I can't afford a honeymoon....so I'm not going on one until we can!
Pffft. And that's why we only had courthouse wedding. Just the 2 of us, no witnesses even . We can't afford a big wedding and we both [I definitely ] don't like big parties. No honeymoon either. I swear my husband is lucky I'm not a bridezilla. And know how to live within our means..
Now that I am at an age where many are getting married, I am FLOORED by how some people (mostly women) act during the preparation for their wedding. They really act like it is in fact the most important day in their life and everyone has to bow down to them and treat them like royalty. After watching some other women go through with it all, I actually have decided that I don't want to have a wedding at all, if I get married (and if I have a choice).
Another thing about weddings that make me shake my head are the amount of people who get upset that they're not in your wedding party. I have a group of three close friends I consider my family away from family and included my sister/niece as matron/maid of honor. I have a sister-in-law who refuses to talk to me or my family when they are visiting and has tried for years to alienate my brother from us. She got mad that he offered to help/do things for me, but he only did it because we are close and I was going to push it all back to 2016 where my grandmas might not be there since they are 88 right now and he said, "Don't do that, I will do this, this, and this." She is mad she isn't in the wedding and yelled at him over it. I probably would have included her had she talked to me at all in the past three years. The last time I dropped by my brother's house to just pick something up, she had a cow and yelled at him.
It's astounding to me that there are people that actually think they deserve to be in a wedding party (or even want to be) when they're not that close.
I was asked to be in a wedding party when an ex-boyfriend got married to the co-worker I introduced him to. Since I was certain the ask was the ex-boyfriend's idea as he was not-so-secretly still carrying a torch for me, I declined. I am certain the bride was relieved. I know I was.
When I saw the bridesmaid's dresses, I knew I'd made the right decision. Ice blue satin peplum jackets that made their hips look two axe handles wide...
What makes me shake my head the most I think is the cost of the rings that some brides "need", bull hockey.
After that the cost of the wedding dress is outrageous and those who have to have two dresses, why?
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I figure the actual wedding is enough to make people travel to attend!
. We can't afford a big wedding and we both [I definitely ] don't like big parties. No honeymoon either. I swear my husband is lucky I'm not a bridezilla. And know how to live within our means..
