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Old 05-05-2015, 05:54 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,814,379 times
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As someone had their mother ruin her wedding, I might be a bit biased. But if you think she will bring down the day in any way...skip inviting her.
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:08 PM
 
9,842 posts, read 7,582,672 times
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My fiancé wants to get married right away. Originally going to wait two year's, but now year 1/2. I don't feel like being a burden to the mom living with her. The mom is for it which I guess is good. I like to live on my own with my fiancé. However, my fiancé wants to buy a house instead of renting feels can save money up living with the mom for a year. I guess that makes sense since plan to move out of state after college.
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:14 PM
 
13,975 posts, read 25,823,059 times
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So you had a good relationship with your mother for 27 years? You said she has been verbally abusive this past year. I wonder why she is opposed to this marriage. Perhaps because she helped you through college and now you are going to thumb your nose at her and move in with your future MIL?

I think there are two sides to this story, and we're only hearing one.
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:16 PM
 
Location: USA
3,156 posts, read 3,325,162 times
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Be an adult and move out first THEN get married. I can understand your reasoning of wanting to save up money to buy a house. Like the saying goes, two's company, three is a crowd.
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Madison, AL
1,614 posts, read 2,282,610 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
How about finish school first, then go get your own place and become an independent adult before marrying? If I were your mother, and you were living with me and contemplating marriage after having gone back to school due to losing your job, and no apparent thought of where you two will live, I'd be against it too. I mean, as a parent, I didn't really expect to have my 28 year old son back living with me again, and I sure as heck don't want his "new wife" here with me.
yes!
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:36 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 50,966,863 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RunD1987 View Post
My fiancé wants to get married right away. Originally going to wait two year's, but now year 1/2. I don't feel like being a burden to the mom living with her. The mom is for it which I guess is good. I like to live on my own with my fiancé. However, my fiancé wants to buy a house instead of renting feels can save money up living with the mom for a year. I guess that makes sense since plan to move out of state after college.

So you are wanting to live with her Mother rent free for a year or two so you can save for a house but you don't want to be a burden?

Why not do what many others have done, have your own place, pay all of the debts that go along with that place, go to school, work, save money, get married then live with your spouse, etc.......
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Old 05-06-2015, 08:40 AM
 
16,715 posts, read 19,298,759 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RunD1987 View Post
My fiancé wants to get married right away.
Too bad. Grow up, get a job, get your own place, then talk about getting married.

You're already burdening your mother, but you don't want to be a burden to her mother? No wonder your mother is verbally abusive. I'd have kicked you out already.
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Old 05-07-2015, 12:39 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,940 posts, read 36,716,568 times
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Game
Set
Match

for convextech
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Old 05-11-2015, 01:09 PM
 
780 posts, read 674,597 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G0DDESS View Post
Frankly its strange for any 28 year old 'man' to be living at his fiance's mom's house.

I know someone who didn't move out until 30 or something. Him and his long-term gf was living with his parents for years, until they got married. They continued to live at home for a couple more years. He didn't want to move out until he can buy a house. They eventually did. He was able to choose the house that he really wants and have enough money on the side that he's not killing himself paying for it. When they moved out, the wife was still in school and he was the sole money maker.

There are reasons people live at home with their parents at that age.
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Old 05-13-2015, 12:29 PM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,078,297 times
Reputation: 27047
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunD1987 View Post
My mom over the past year as been continuing with verbal abuse. I don't feel like going in to the details. It's affecting my own mental health been going on for some time. It's affecting my relationship with my fiancé. I just feel torn, but my mom doesn't want the wedding to happen. I just don't know if I should invite her to the wedding. Any feedback be appreciated.

Also trying to get back on my feet and establish myself. Almost 28 moved back home when I was 27 after losing my job. In school right now. Probably be a year left in school after the wedding. My fiancé and her mom said that I should move in with them till we both become established. Probably looking at a year at most no more then 2. We pay the mom rent and kind of have our own apartment upatairs. Is this a strange thing? I feel be a burden upon the mom.

Again appreciate the feedback.
Since you describe your situation it seems like a wedding is an epense that could be avoided. Why not a justice of the peace ceremony, then a reception with just your supportive friends and family.....leave Mom out of it.

You might even save enough not having a wedding to get into your own apartment, since you'll be paying rent anyway.

Unless finances preclude you renting conventionally....I think all newly marrieds should have their own space.
There is so much that you'll miss living with someone else....there are so many things you'll each discover about the other, which is somewhat hampered by so much constant company.

If the plan to live with your MIL is the best financially...go for it....There is nothing wrong with doing what you must to improve your future later...and school is a very valid reason to economize.

Don't let your Mom ruin your life....get some counseling so that you have some good coping skills and learn effective ways of not letting her inappropriate behaviors affect you so negatively. I'd certainly avoid having her involved in your wedding or life unless she changes. And, it is ok to tell her that if you have the ability to do so.

Links to help https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...d-you-cut-them
Toxic Parents Quotes by Susan Forward

I did a search online using "Toxic Parents" There were lots of links. Hope it helps.

Good luck to you and your fiance...Sounds like you'll have support from that side of your family going forward.
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