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I have seen it in cases where they were raised mostly by their mom, but had redeveloped a relationship with their dad in adulthood and didn't want to compromise that either.... but wanted to include mom, too.
I crashed my cousins wedding this way. I'm a little "out of the loop" with that side of the family, no bad blood but the male cousins and uncles were always closer to each other than with me. When my brother bowed out at the last minute my parents asked me if I wanted to go with them instead. It was a HUGE expensive blowout type of wedding, fireworks and everything, and you know I didn't want that meal to go to waste either! I had a blast and everyone was happy to see me and I really bonded with an aunt I hadn't seen in many years. I joked that I was a pinch hitter and a stand in for my brother, nobody gave a hoot. I actually have no clue what the bride thought, I'd never met her before and have never seen her sense, but I'm pretty sure she had other things on her mind.
My opinion of the OP is that nobody should involve the bride or groom. 3 people were invited (budgeted for) and it's a family member, so what the heck? No time like a wedding to meet another relative and if nothing else the bride will learn early that the new family is going to be more important than this nonsense.
I can only add that when my (now) wife and I were working on our invites, it was difficult figuring out an equitable way to deal overall with adults living at home w/ parents.
Does the fact that someone lives under the same roof trump whatever relationship one might have with that person? etc.
I strongly disagree!
The couple is allowed to have the wedding THEY want.
If that means small, then so be it, whether money is tight or not.
My daughter had a wonderful small wedding, where everyone invited had a strong connection to either the bride or the groom. You could feel the love in the room!
Yes, it could have been larger and more expensive. And yes, people were left out. But there are always people left out... no one could possibly invite everyone they know!
This was how my daughter's wedding was. The venue had an 85 person limit, and they invited around 70 people, I think there were 55-60 there. Son-in-law's family is small, as is mine. Hubby has a lot of cousins! They set their guidelines based on the following:
1. Immediate family: grandparents, aunts, uncles, 1st cousins (and their spouses/partners. They extended a +1 to the cousins that didn't have an SO.)
2. Family friends like Godparents, parents' best friends, etc.
3. Nobody under 18, except for groom's 14 year-old cousin and my niece's (MOH) 16-month-old son.
4. Bride's & Groom's friends, as long as both of them had met the friends and was also friends with them.
They stuck to it! There were some hurt feelings, but most people understand that you can't invite everyone. When I got married 30 years ago, everyone I knew got married in the church and had cake/punch in the church fellowship hall!
Small weddings on a tight budget are very sweet. No reason to go into debt just to please everyone.
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