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Old 08-06-2015, 09:20 AM
 
1,760 posts, read 2,089,400 times
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For my wedding, I gave my bridesmaids a color and length of dress and that's it. They could pick whatever they wanted. They all got their dresses at David's bridal for about $50-$70. Most of them already fit them so they did not need to get it altered, if they did, they didn't tell me.
As far as shoes, I told them to wear whatever they wanted, the only thing I noted was that I preferred that they wear heels but if they didn't want to they didn't have to. We have a pretty cool picture of all our feet with and its fun to match who is who based on the different shoes.
Jewelry, hair, make up, nails was all up to them on what they wanted to do. I didn't care if their hair was up, down or whatever. I just wanted them to be a part of my day.
The shower my mom, my MOH, MIL and a couple bridesmaids shared the cost. The ones that lived out of town and could not make it did not have to pay for it. My mom and MIL said they would cover their part.
Bachelorette party, I really had no idea what they were planning for me. We went to NYC but one of my bridesmaids lived there so we all stayed at her place. Piled up, in air mattresses, etc. It was fun, one big slumber party. I paid for gas and tolls on the way up and back. They covered food and a night out there. We were only up there for two days and I had 5 bridesmaids with me. 1 was my cousin that lives in Brazil and the other had a baby at home and didn't feel comfortable traveling. Which was no big deal, I totally understood.
I had a total of 7 bridesmaids so I guess splitting costs for things was not too bad overall.
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Old 08-07-2015, 11:01 AM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,038,385 times
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Somebody left me an anonymous rep saying that only Americans are tacky enough to ask bridesmaids to pay for their dresses, and it is tradition in the UK for the bride to pay It would have been nice to add that to the actual discussion here instead of posting it privately... and we are in the US. At least, I am and this forum is based in the US, so...
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Old 08-07-2015, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
8,590 posts, read 12,240,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa View Post
My bridesmaids are paying for their dresses and that's it.

For hair, makeup, accessories etc... I'm paying. It just made sense to me that if I want them to have certain hair, nails, makeup and accessories that it's a cost I should cover since it's something I want. Not to mention the makeup and hair people I'm hiring for the wedding day will do everyone. I can't imagine asking my bridesmaids to chip in for things like hair and makeup.

My shower and bachelorette parties are being planned and paid for by women who offered. I never said hey you're my bridesmaid so you need to pay $xx for your part of the shower.

Most importantly though, If I had a bridesmaid I knew couldn't afford it I would cover her cost because it's important to me that she be a part of my special day.
You sound like a delightful bride--quite the opposite of the OP. When my own D marries I will encourage her to show the kind of thoughtfulness you are showing--not demanding that people get hair, makeup, nails, etc done a certain way. Best wishes to you.
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Old 08-07-2015, 03:21 PM
 
2,936 posts, read 2,320,528 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
You sound like a delightful bride--quite the opposite of the OP. When my own D marries I will encourage her to show the kind of thoughtfulness you are showing--not demanding that people get hair, makeup, nails, etc done a certain way. Best wishes to you.
Thank you!

As for the OP if you're actually close with your bridesmaids, wouldn't you have at least a small idea of their financial situation?
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Old 08-07-2015, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
24,204 posts, read 19,041,607 times
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If I'm going to take the time and effort to save up $1000, it's certainly not going to be to spend on it on some Bridezilla. I've been a bridesmaid several times but fortunately for me, those brides were thoughtful and sensitive about budgets and made sure all the bridesmaids were not spending money they couldn't afford to.
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Old 08-07-2015, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,756 posts, read 11,950,825 times
Reputation: 30181
I had one bridesmaid and she refused let me pay for her dress, as she said she would have bought a dress to wear to my wedding otherwise. I bought jewelry for her to wear, paid to have her hair done, she did her own makeup, and I also gave her a gift for being maid of honour. It's supposed to be an honour, not a financial burden, to be in a wedding party.
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Old 08-07-2015, 11:08 PM
 
Location: Camberville
15,795 posts, read 21,305,567 times
Reputation: 28019
My future sister in law asked me to be a bridesmaid and, when I tried to politely decline, she insisted. I thought she understood that my financial situation made normal bridesmaids costs difficult and would plan accordingly - not to mention the other two bridesmaids aren't doing much better than me. Nope.

The wedding is in a few months and the costs so far have been:
- dress: $350
- alterations: $50
- shoes: $75 (she wants a very specific style)
- nails: $60 (required)
- hair: $65 (required)
- gas to their out of state house for bridesmaid planning stuff: $250

That's already $850 and that's not counting the expected gift or the cost of alterations to make the dress wearable again (it's a floor length dress - totally impractical for repeat use). The other bridesmaids and I had to put our foot down and dig in about doing our own makeup. The bride wanted us to spend a further $65 (plus tip!) for a professional, as well as another 3 hour drive each way for me for a test session.

Bride seems to have no concept of money. She and my brother have had it really easy - they went straight from college to her parents' basement where they wouldn't even let them pay for so much as food because they wanted them to save for a house. After a year, her parents matched their savings so they would have 20% down. Our parents are spending more on my brother's rehearsal dinner than they sent me when I begged them for help when suffering from cancer right out of college by a magnitude of about 20. Meanwhile, I'm spending all the money I had saved for 2 years for a real life vacation (haven't really had one since my diagnosis 4 years ago) on this overblown wedding. It's really upsetting to say the least and the bride has been very combative when we bring it up.

It is absolutely insane for a bride to ask her friends to spend so much money on a wedding that is not their own.

As a result of this, there is no way I will have bridesmaids at my own wedding.

EDIT: I am missing one of my best friend's weddings for my brother's wedding, so the tradeoff was that I'd go to best friend's bachelorette. Best friend planned hers 3 months in advance - future sister in law sent me an invite 2 weeks in advance and it was the same day. Sister in law was really pissed that I didn't come and, furthermore, still asked me to contribute to the cost. No. One of the other bridesmaids told me it ended up being over $400 each between alcohol for the bride and themselves, the party bus, and the stripper.
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Old 08-08-2015, 12:37 AM
 
32 posts, read 32,019 times
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Like I was saying before it ended up coming to 620 dollars when I added things up. My friend said she spent 800 dollars on mine. I am close to my bridesmaids and I knew about their financial situation. They knew how much everything cost so it wasn't like it came from no where. I believe I did everything normal for being a bride. We are not rich just middle class and I would call all the stuff we did for the wedding and what the bridesmaids did was normal price range.

Yes its the brides day for one day so why shouldn't she get what she wants with in reason? My dresses and everything were in normal range. So does mean that next year when my friend gets married that I should say no to the type of dress she wants us to wear? For example oh she wants a purple dress but I'm like no I don't like that. Or if she wants a certain shoe to go for a theme she is going for? Sorry I don't wear those type of shoes because I just don't feel like it. You want money from me now to pay for the wedding shower? Why can't someone else get it. All that stuff I just wrote there to me that would be rude if I did that to my friend next year. I would put up with the stuff she wants me to do because its important to her. Yes I don't like that dress or shoe but oh well I'm doing it for her. Yes I had a bridesmaid dress that I could only wear once so I know where people are coming from when they said I could only wear it once. I pretty much knew that dress was going to a one time thing.

Now change of subject but what about prom? I just thought about this and I don't think there is anything wrong with getting hair and nails done. I didn't go to mine but I seen a lot of girls get dresses,do their hair and get nails done for prom and that is one night as well. Now not every girl gets a big dress or hair or their nails done. Some of them get limos most do not get limos. So would that be a waste of money as well? I'm just curious because some people in the thread didn't want to get hair,nails and make up done for their wedding day and could call that extra stuff.
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Old 08-08-2015, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Camberville
15,795 posts, read 21,305,567 times
Reputation: 28019
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiffins2001 View Post
Like I was saying before it ended up coming to 620 dollars when I added things up. My friend said she spent 800 dollars on mine. I am close to my bridesmaids and I knew about their financial situation. They knew how much everything cost so it wasn't like it came from no where. I believe I did everything normal for being a bride. We are not rich just middle class and I would call all the stuff we did for the wedding and what the bridesmaids did was normal price range.

Yes its the brides day for one day so why shouldn't she get what she wants with in reason? My dresses and everything were in normal range. So does mean that next year when my friend gets married that I should say no to the type of dress she wants us to wear? For example oh she wants a purple dress but I'm like no I don't like that. Or if she wants a certain shoe to go for a theme she is going for? Sorry I don't wear those type of shoes because I just don't feel like it. You want money from me now to pay for the wedding shower? Why can't someone else get it. All that stuff I just wrote there to me that would be rude if I did that to my friend next year. I would put up with the stuff she wants me to do because its important to her. Yes I don't like that dress or shoe but oh well I'm doing it for her. Yes I had a bridesmaid dress that I could only wear once so I know where people are coming from when they said I could only wear it once. I pretty much knew that dress was going to a one time thing.

Now change of subject but what about prom? I just thought about this and I don't think there is anything wrong with getting hair and nails done. I didn't go to mine but I seen a lot of girls get dresses,do their hair and get nails done for prom and that is one night as well. Now not every girl gets a big dress or hair or their nails done. Some of them get limos most do not get limos. So would that be a waste of money as well? I'm just curious because some people in the thread didn't want to get hair,nails and make up done for their wedding day and could call that extra stuff.
$620 is a LOT of money. To me, that does not fall into a "middle class" expenditure - and that's probably part of the problem as everyone has a different sense about what is affordable. I'm really annoyed at the $300 because I don't know that I would spend that much for my own wedding dress, much less someone else's wedding where I'm only going to wear it once! My previous wedding experiences have all been David's Bridal situations where the dress was under $100. If you want a more expensive dress, you, as the bride, should pay the difference.

As far as prom? There's no comparison. No one else dictates what you wear to prom. It is YOUR event, not playing punching bag to a bridezilla. For the record, I didn't go to my prom because the cost seemed like a waste of money for one night.
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Old 08-08-2015, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,756 posts, read 11,950,825 times
Reputation: 30181
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiffins2001 View Post
Like I was saying before it ended up coming to 620 dollars when I added things up. My friend said she spent 800 dollars on mine. I am close to my bridesmaids and I knew about their financial situation. They knew how much everything cost so it wasn't like it came from no where. I believe I did everything normal for being a bride. We are not rich just middle class and I would call all the stuff we did for the wedding and what the bridesmaids did was normal price range.

Yes its the brides day for one day so why shouldn't she get what she wants with in reason? My dresses and everything were in normal range. So does mean that next year when my friend gets married that I should say no to the type of dress she wants us to wear? For example oh she wants a purple dress but I'm like no I don't like that. Or if she wants a certain shoe to go for a theme she is going for? Sorry I don't wear those type of shoes because I just don't feel like it. You want money from me now to pay for the wedding shower? Why can't someone else get it. All that stuff I just wrote there to me that would be rude if I did that to my friend next year. I would put up with the stuff she wants me to do because its important to her. Yes I don't like that dress or shoe but oh well I'm doing it for her. Yes I had a bridesmaid dress that I could only wear once so I know where people are coming from when they said I could only wear it once. I pretty much knew that dress was going to a one time thing.

Now change of subject but what about prom? I just thought about this and I don't think there is anything wrong with getting hair and nails done. I didn't go to mine but I seen a lot of girls get dresses,do their hair and get nails done for prom and that is one night as well. Now not every girl gets a big dress or hair or their nails done. Some of them get limos most do not get limos. So would that be a waste of money as well? I'm just curious because some people in the thread didn't want to get hair,nails and make up done for their wedding day and could call that extra stuff.
The problem is you're expecting bridesmaids to spend money on superficialities that have nothing to do with your wedding vows. I paid to have my hair and makeup done, as the bride. Had my maid of honour wanted to do her own hair, she would have, but she opted to have it done, which I paid for. She did her own makeup. And no one gasped in horror that she did, because no one could tell, no one cared, and it doesn't matter. I got press-on nails in a French manicure style, wanting them to look nice for the photographs of our rings. Why would a bridesmaid need a manicure? Who's looking that closely at her hands, or who could even see them under the bouquet?

Dress and dress colour is usually the important item, and I didn't even care about that. My MOH found a dress in a colour and style that suited her body type and that was good enough for me. I don't remember now if she wore nail polish on her toes, it's that irrelevant to my wedding day.
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