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Nothing wrong with preferring a small wedding. Also nothing wrong with wanting to share your happiness and joy with your extended family. A
A large wedding does not HAVE to be over the top flashy and expensive.
My take on this: If you and your partner disagree on the type of wedding you want, that's a bad sign - and is an indication that there will be a lot of disagreements later on. Plus, if you compromise too much you will lose your self-respect, and resent your partner because of this. Not a good way to start a marriage. I know people who have broken off relationships because of this exact issue. My take on this?! Good. It's better to find this out ahead of time than to marry the wrong person.
I have no plans on getting married, but if the impossible happens I will insist on just going to the courthouse, and that's it. If the woman I'm marrying doesn't want that, it will be the end of the relationship. Obviously, it wouldn't get that far, however, since this will all be discussed ahead of time.
Several years back, I knew a couple who spent a huge amount of money on their only daughter's marriage. The guy she married had the gall to invite his mistress to the wedding (though they only found out about this later). And, the marriage ended up in divorce. What a waste of money, and the parents who funded the wedding ended up looking like idiots...
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 08-28-2015 at 09:58 AM..
My take on this: If you and your partner disagree on the type of wedding you want, that's a bad sign - and is an indication that there will be a lot of disagreements later on. Plus, if you compromise too much you will lose your self-respect, and resent your partner because of this. Not a good way to start a marriage. I know people who have broken off relationships because of this exact issue. My take on this?! Good. It's better to find this out ahead of time than to marry the wrong person.
I have no plans on getting married, but if the impossible happens I will insist on just going to the courthouse, and that's it. If the woman I'm marrying doesn't want that, it will be the end of the relationship. Obviously, it wouldn't get that far, however, since this will all be discussed ahead of time.
Several years back, I knew a couple who spent a huge amount of money on their only daughter's marriage. The guy she married had the gall to invite his mistress to the wedding (though they only found out about this later). And, the marriage ended up in divorce. What a waste of money, and the parents who funded the wedding ended up looking like idiots...
Wow! Inviting your mistress to your wedding really takes balls!
It's up to the betrothed couple as to what type of wedding they prefer. My "I think" should not have any bearing on their decision.
As far as 'weird' as in the OP's initial question: there is nothing weird about a small scale ceremony. If I had to think 'weird' I suppose it would be couples who spend hoards of money on a wedding that they, or their parents, cannot afford . . . and in too many instances as a means of showing off.
A couple I know held their wedding on their friend's ranch and had over a hundred guests that enjoyed a BBQ feast and country music to dance the night away.
No, it's not weird at all. I feel the exact same way as the OP. If it were up to me, I would prefer to have a very small wedding with only close family and friends. I'm Catholic, so if it were up to me, after getting the papers signed, we'd just go to the church and go through the marriage sacrament and call it a day. I'm also not into bachelor parties or anything like that either, so I'll likely skip that or just hang out somewhere low key with my close friends if I get married.
I've actually kind of had this topic in the back of my mind because the girl I'm dating has a ton of friends and is a super, social butterfly, so if that day ever comes she's likely going to want a huge wedding and she'll be going all out with a Vegas style bachelorette party .
If that day comes I can definitely compromise to having a wedding bigger than just close friends and family, but I'll make sure we don't have some celebrity-style wedding
My idea of a wedding is to go to the courthouse and sign the papers. I don't care for bachelorette parties or anything extravagant, including the dress. Is that weird? My bf is different, he wants a big wedding with all of his relatives and friends (he has a crapload.) I've never been a big fan of anything that puts attention on me - graduation for both hs and college, never went. Will most likely not go to my graduation ceremony for graduate degree either. It makes me feel uncomfortable and weird because to me, it's just another phase in life that everyone goes through, why make a big deal out of it? Haven't told bf, he just casually mentioned it one day and started talking about it while I tried to change the subject.
Is this usually a deal breaker for guys? Literally I only have maybe 4-5 friends I would really want at my wedding if it came down to it and my family, which consists of 10 people max. No other relatives here. But if I had to pick, just me and the bf at the courthouse. I see people plan their weddings years ahead and it always amazes me
One more thing, as some people commented on here, having the same idea regarding finances is a big deal when it comes to a relationship (you probably already know that). I'm not saying it can't work if you have opposing views; I've known some people where it was like that, but it will become a problem that you'll have to work at it you can almost count on that. My previous relationship (thank God there was not a marriage), I was (and still am) a saver and he spent nearly everything he earned; it was a problem.
Last edited by Basiliximab; 09-05-2015 at 03:56 AM..
One more thing, as some people commented on here, having the same idea regarding finances is a big deal when it comes to a relationship (you probably already know that). I'm not saying it can't work if you have opposing views; I've known some people where it was like that, but it will become a problem that you'll have to work at it you can almost count on that. My previous relationship (thank God there was not a marriage), I was (and still am) a saver and he spent nearly everything he earned; it was a problem.
He has a good job that pays really well and I'm currently completing my master's. I told him we are not discussing about marriage until I graduate and go into my career field and he was fine with that. Not sure why he mentioned it all of a sudden. Money isn't an issue for us since I foresee both of us working in the future and it shouldn't be too hard for me to obtain a decent job post graduation either. I just dislike large social gatherings, especially in this instance, when the attention would be on me and him. It's just uncomfortable because I'm an introvert at heart. I've never regretted not attending my graduation ceremonies, not one bit. I don't care for a wedding dress either. We're both busy people and the thought of trying on dresses, picking out cakes, food, wedding venues, flowers, people to invite, etc just seems so unnecessary and tiring to me. I would probably come to a compromise with him though because I see how important it is to him. I just wanna spend time with him and go on a honeymoon and splurge on that instead!
I wouldn't want a big wedding. I have no intention of ever getting married again, but if I did, the ceremony would be simple.
My daughter just got married on Friday. It was at a courthouse; twenty family members and friends were there, and it was lovely. She had the long wedding dress and veil, and she looked beautiful.
Afterwards there was a party at her mother-in-law's. No catering; they picked up Chipotle. The cakes came from a local bakery, and weren't those obnoxious ostentatious wedding cakes than can feed 500. We all sat around, ate, and talked for about an hour. It was perfect and a lot of fun. I prefer such down to earth gatherings.
Who says you have to spend a bunch of money, begin your married life paying off lots of debt, and deal with all of the stress and angst that planning a big wedding entails?
I wouldn't want to just elope, though. There are only two occasions in which people will drop everything for you - your wedding and your funeral. Weddings are to be celebrated with friends and family (unless you have a very dysfunctional family; then all bets are off!).
Weddings are to be celebrated with friends and family (unless you have a very dysfunctional family; then all bets are off!).
Eh. My side is dysfunctional, Spouse's isn't ... much .. not really ... well, maaaybe a little. At least we wouldn't have worried about gunfire or thrown bottles from his side.
But still - getting up in front of a bunch of people, even if they are non-violent friends and family? Noooo way. Not for either of us. Nuh uh.
We didn't disappoint the "important people" (MOMS and GRANDMOTHERS) by eloping, but did insist on a preacher and two witnesses, that was all. We visited each of them before the ceremony, letting them see us in our wedding clothes (suit 'n tie/nice dress), endured the usual blubbering ("mom! settle down! I don't want to get married with tears and snot on my suit!"), picked up Spouse's brother and wife (witness A and witness B), went to Spouse's family church, stood before Spouse's family preacher, and got the whole thing over with in like 10 minutes. BOOM. Done.
Our ceremony was just as effective as the swirly shindigs thrown by other family members, probably more so. Most of the boffo weddings we attended, and shook our heads at when told by the stars of the show (bride 'n groom) "see, THIS is a wedding!" never made it 10 years. Ours - 30. And we're still pitching woo at one another. Just to make sure it stuck, we repeated our vows at 10 years, but that was still just a preacher and a couple of friends. And a better camera. Our first set of vows was recorded on a Canon Sure Shot. Pictures were nice, but I told Spouse that I'd rather have better ones done before we got old, fat and gray.
I wouldn't say that's weird at all. That's what I did. We flew to another state, a city I always wanted to visit, and we got married by a justice of the peace. I am not a big fan of big parties (they make me uncomfortable) and I don't like a ton of attention on me (makes me even more uncomfortable), and I've never been one for fancy dresses and hair and all the girly stuff about weddings.
If I had to do it again and I HAD to make a different choice, I would have opted for a very small wedding with only immediate family there. Maybe some place non-traditional like in the woods somewhere.
Go for what you want. it's only one day. I feel that the meaning of marriage means a whole lot more than *where* and *how* it happens.
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