Men, what do you think about expensive engagement rings? (appropriate, pictures, guy)
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As a woman, I was always wondering: What do men really think about the whole engagement ring tradition? I've been reading on a female wedding/engagement board for a while and it seems like that most women want their man to spend thousands of dollars on an engagement ring. On top of that, there are several who complain that she doesn't like the ring and they need to change it for another one, or she wants to pick one herself. And, of course, it HAS to be a diamond (because DeBeers says you have to have a diamond *eyeroll*).
I don't know, maybe it's because I'm not from the US, but I find this whole thing ridiculous and I wonder how many guys are actually out there who find this perfectly normal. If I was a man, I would NEVER spend thousands of Dollars on a ring. If she wants a ring fine, why not, but for sure not something that expensive. If she wants something more expensive, why doesn't she buy it herself? I'm not judging anyone who is very much into jewelry and therefore wants a more expensive piece, but why not buy it yourself then? I could name at least a hundred things I'd rather spend 5000 bucks on than a ring. And I would never expect a man to buy me an expensive ring. If he wants to spend a couple of thousand bucks on me, I'd tell him invest that in our honeymoon, other trips or use it as a downpayment for an apartment or so.
Men, I'd love to hear your opinion on this. What do you think about expensive engagement ring? Did you get one for your wife? Will you get one for your future wife? Will you get one only because SHE wants it or what's the reasoning behind this?
Thanks!
Not a man, but a woman who has received an engagement ring (and didn't give one whit what said ring looked like, was made of, or involved, as it exists merely as a token representative of a promise). I would not say that "most women want their man to spend thousands of dollars on an engagement ring." My husband knows I am practical, not very flashy, have simple tastes, and abhor overspending. He is much the same. I would have been fine with or without a ring, and he knows that. He also knew that we'd both rather spend more money on a trip to overseas than on a piece of jewelry. And so that's what we did.
It was important to him, for whatever reason (tradition? the ritual of it? dunno), to get me a diamond ring, and so he did, and I think it's beautiful and love the sentiment it represents. But he didn't overspend for it, and I'm glad of that.
I would say that in reading wedding and engagement forums, you are likely exposing yourself to the thoughts and opinions of a very specific subgroup of person, i.e. those who are particularly focused on the trappings end of things. They are likely also the ones who are posting about lavish receptions and high end gowns, etc. Bear in mind that when you read these sites, you are getting a very particular snapshot of a given population, and not necessarily the norm.
Just throwing that out there, despite your call for the male perspective. Not all women expect this. Even the dreaded "woman from the U.S."
My brother-in-law gave his wife a very expensive ring. It's a 2+ carat diamond solitaire from Tiffany, so I know it was pricey. I understand not spending a lot of money if you can't afford it, and owning something that expensive isn't my style, but my husband's brother is wealthy. That brother and one sister have a different mother, who remarried into big money, and that's the kind of cash they all throw around. To them it's normal.
I used to work with a guy, whose gf of 3 years flat out told him that unless the engagement ring costs at minimum 30,000, she wouldn't be interested. Poor guy.
I'm glad however, that female posters of CDR are all so very different from women in general population, who prance around with their engagement rings with huge expansive diamonds and show them off to their girlfriends as a testament of their future husbands financial prowess. Right...lol
My Wedding Set isn't a set at all, the rings were purchased at different times from a Pawn Shop $600.00 total, Mr. CSD's ring was $100.00 and for our 5th Anniversary we bought Comfort Fit Gold Bands $200.00 for both. The comfort fit bands are daily wear and the other are worn when we go out or for more formal events.
We didn't do a set, either. Our wedding bands are plain white gold bands that are identical except for the size, and we bought them at the Navy Exchange on a Navy base at a military discount about a month before our wedding. I'm not matchy-matchy, and don't like the nesting sets that may be soldered together. I like two individual rings, versus a matched set.
I think the only women that "want men to spend thousands" are those that hang out on wedding/engagement boards.
Seriously...this has been discussed to death here, and most reasonable women have no such desire or expectation. The diamond industry spends a fortune on marketing to convince sheeple that they must spend some multiplier of their monthly income on a ring. Most of us ignore that ****.
Agreed. The average person just plain sees this for the marketing it is.
I'm not a militant anti-diamond industry person or knee-jerk "who would want a stupid ring anyway" person, either. I'm cool with jewelry, nice jewelry, and I'm fine with tradition and the symbolism of a ring, whatever it's made of. If people want a diamond and are okay with paying the inflated price that goes with it, more power to them, no skin off my butt. I like my ring, I didn't expect it, and I'm glad he bought something he was comfortable with, and liked, without breaking the bank. I thought it was sweet.
But not everyone is of this mindset. If you find yourself with a "Real Housewives/Kardashian/fill-in-the-blank-with-other-crass-pop-culture-mindset" type, bratty expectations about the size and cost of gemstones is probably only the beginning of your headaches, to be honest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Question2015
I used to work with a guy, whose gf of 3 years flat out told him that unless the engagement ring costs at minimum 30,000, she wouldn't be interested. Poor guy.
I'm glad however, that female posters of CDR are all so very different from women in general population, who prance around with their engagement rings with huge expansive diamonds and show them off to their girlfriends as a testament of their future husbands financial prowess. Right...lol
I think you have it reversed. I think the opinions presented here are more representative of the mainstream. I don't think the "you WILL get me a $30,000-minimum, custom made engagement ring or else" people are typical, at all. In fact, I am pretty skeptical of that. The average income of the average person doesn't come anywhere near supporting such a stance being mainstream, whatsoever.
As for the OP, if a couple is all about this tradition, fine. If he/she/they can afford it then so be it. I don't have any issues with people wanting, desiring, whatever material possessions they like. I do have an issue with the entitlement attitude, the expectation that because this tradition exists it should be standard practice. What's acceptable or realistic for one couple is not for another.
I love gemstones. I briefly started studying gemology many years ago. I like and have owned expensive jewelry, but I have also owned other "alternative" types of jewelry as well. If money were not an issue I'd likely have a collection of jewelry in the same way other people have collections of houses, cars, boats, and other material possessions. However, I live in reality, and know that such is just not possible and/or realistic.
My first wedding ring set was $1100 with a military discount. It was a Moissanite set that I decided on after months of research. Then I eventually decided on a couple different high end diamond simulants. Roughly 5+ years in we upgraded to a three-stone diamond ring to the tune of $7.5k, and then upgraded again, which cost me another $5k. I adored that ring. It was glorious. I spent months planning it out and researching. It was custom made. It was eventually sold. We separated and divorced. The money we spent was paltry compared to the 50+k I saw spent on these forums (I was active on Pricescope). Hell, there were men spending $80-100k.
I became interested in antique cut diamonds and gemstones. I love rubies. The ring I was married with with my now husband is a vintage three-stone ruby ring circa 1870. It's absolutely divine. We paid $450ish for it? I also have another ring, an OEC Amora Gem (alternative to diamond... not a simulant), that I wear, because I love the OEC cut. It was a fraction of the cost of my big upgrade during my previous marriage. It cost us $2300. It was well worth it.
I agree with what you all wrote, it's really stupid to go into debt for a symbolic gesture. However, I do feel that it means something. For instance, my engagement ring from my ex husband was tiny, and guess what? It turns out he was a cheap bastard, on everyone BUT himself. He'd spend all kinds of money on his stuff/hobbies. The wonderful man I'm married to now (going on 11 years married) bought me a gorgeous ring (not big, not small) but respectable and worthy of me, if that makes sense? I don't want to come off like a jerk
I used to work with a guy, whose gf of 3 years flat out told him that unless the engagement ring costs at minimum 30,000, she wouldn't be interested. Poor guy.
I'm glad however, that female posters of CDR are all so very different from women in general population, who prance around with their engagement rings with huge expansive diamonds and show them off to their girlfriends as a testament of their future husbands financial prowess. Right...lol
It may have something to do with the girls these women hang out with. If they see they all got expensive shiny rings with big rocks she might find it uncomfortable to be the only one with a ring that is not expensive. You know, the whole thing about fitting in for the wrong reasons.
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