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I remain completely baffled by this. I know things change, but back when I got married, various people threw showers for me (4 total: an aunt on my side, an aunt on groom's side, ladies from my church, and my MOH held a small shower for about 10 friends). I had no input into any of these showers, nor would I have ever thought I should have. Even though I was the bride, I was an invited guest. I just showed up, no expectations, no telling the hostess how to throw my shower. And I was very grateful for each hostess and each guest.
Is it common these days for the bride (or any other family member) to be so involved and bossy to the person hosting a shower? Anyone who wants a shower done a certain way is quite free to host one herself!
I remain completely baffled by this. I know things change, but back when I got married, various people threw showers for me (4 total: an aunt on my side, an aunt on groom's side, ladies from my church, and my MOH held a small shower for about 10 friends). I had no input into any of these showers, nor would I have ever thought I should have. Even though I was the bride, I was an invited guest. I just showed up, no expectations, no telling the hostess how to throw my shower. And I was very grateful for each hostess and each guest.
Is it common these days for the bride (or any other family member) to be so involved and bossy to the person hosting a shower? Anyone who wants a shower done a certain way is quite free to host one herself!
I was thinking the same thing. I was given two showers, but they were both surprises. I didn't dictate anything about them, I didn't know they were even planned.
And, I have to say, I never heard of the groom's mother being so involved in this type of stuff. My own MIL wasn't even invited to either of the showers. I think the understanding was that my husband's side of the family was free to hold their own if they were so inclined. The first shower was given by a friend of my mother's, and that had some of our relatives included. The second one was thrown by my bridesmaids, and it was for all of my friends.
If my DIL had a bridal shower, I wasn't invited to it. I did receive an invite (and attended) a lingerie shower the day before the wedding.
I also had a couple showers. One was more for friends, and one for family. My MIL was invited to one, I think, but had zero input on anything. I had something to do with the guest list, but I'm a considerate person, so tried to keep it small. I would have been really uncomfortable with a bunch of strangers there. How do you even attempt to open 100 gifts at a shower?
I honestly think if I were the OP, I'd ignore the MIL and throw a shower for the bride's girl friends.
I remain completely baffled by this. I know things change, but back when I got married, various people threw showers for me (4 total: an aunt on my side, an aunt on groom's side, ladies from my church, and my MOH held a small shower for about 10 friends). I had no input into any of these showers, nor would I have ever thought I should have. Even though I was the bride, I was an invited guest. I just showed up, no expectations, no telling the hostess how to throw my shower. And I was very grateful for each hostess and each guest.
Is it common these days for the bride (or any other family member) to be so involved and bossy to the person hosting a shower? Anyone who wants a shower done a certain way is quite free to host one herself!
I'm glad you said this, because I feel the same way. I just threw a baby shower/going away party for my boss & his wife as they are moving back home now that they are pregnant, and they told me when they could show up. That's all. Other than that, I planned everything and it went according to my budget, not theirs.
Sorry it's been so long. We still have a few months until the shower happens. I hadn't logged on for a while because things had calmed down...except now we've started more thorough bachelorette party talk, and what do you know? We've had a date for going on 6 months now, and now all of a sudden, the SIL is trying to change it because she forgot she couldn't make it. I repeat, we've had a date for SIX MONTHS NOW. We tried to find another date that worked for everyone, and we couldn't do it, so we left it when it was. But that wasn't a good enough answer, so here I am, still dealing with backlash, now at the hands of the SIL (daughter of the woman I mentioned throughout this thread). I thought this would be so much fun to plan all of this, but honestly, I just can't wait for all of it to be over.
Oh, also, I forget if I've added this yet or not, but 2 days after the whole blowup with the one vs. two shower thing, the SIL was added to the bridal party. My friend called me and told me she was going to do it because the MIL came to her and told her that the SIL had called her crying because she felt like she was being left out (even though she's been a major part of helping my friend plan the wedding, a heck of a lot more than I have been because we don't live close anymore). So my friend's response was to add her to the bridal party because that's what the MIL wanted. Seems to me more like the MIL wanted her own daughter on the inside to get all the planning details, so that even if I tried to keep her out of the loop, her daughter would let her know what was going on. And if I tried to plan with all the bridesmaids except the SIL? Then of course, I'd look like the jerk. I swear, this is a family of seasoned veterans in the way of pushing people around to get what they want.
Sorry it's been so long. We still have a few months until the shower happens. I hadn't logged on for a while because things had calmed down...except now we've started more thorough bachelorette party talk, and what do you know? We've had a date for going on 6 months now, and now all of a sudden, the SIL is trying to change it because she forgot she couldn't make it. I repeat, we've had a date for SIX MONTHS NOW. We tried to find another date that worked for everyone, and we couldn't do it, so we left it when it was. But that wasn't a good enough answer, so here I am, still dealing with backlash, now at the hands of the SIL (daughter of the woman I mentioned throughout this thread). I thought this would be so much fun to plan all of this, but honestly, I just can't wait for all of it to be over.
Thanks for the update!!
Holy Cr-p...
No, change nothing. Let these ungrateful people throw their own da-m shower. In fact that would be my reply. "Well, sorry that you can't make it.... Make sure you invite me to the shower you throw".
I would not have been as patient as you. I would literally have uninvited that MIL to be day one of her interference. I would have given the shower for the brides friends only.
Let the MIL give the showers for the families of both parties. It is not too late for you to totally change your course....six months away is plenty of time for them to plan/take over.
I cannot believe the bride isn't aware of all this turmoil....or is she? If she is, How does she feel about this?
ETA....Read your second update. I would have discussed the SIL issue right then with the bride, and suggested to the bride that she have the SIL take over the whole shower thing...since you live so far away.
You can still plan a dinner out for your bride friend and your long time friends to get together, which does not need to include the SIL.
I would feel totally guilty for putting my friend through this if I were the bride. These people are going to make her life hell going forward...
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