Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Wedding Wisdom: Advice From Former Brides and Grooms
Readers offer tips and tricks that they wish they knew before they married, from checking in with the caterers to keeping tissues on hand for the ceremony
By Danya Issawi
I didn't read the article but from my days on theknot.com (2003 but some things don't change):
1. Decide on the three areas most important to you (possible categories: food, the dress, the music, photography, flowers) and splurge on those. Do the rest more modestly.
2. Just about everyone said that the one thing they paid for that wasn't worth it was limos for the wedding party.
3. My own advice: do some things WAY ahead of time to get them out of the way before the last month. In my case, for example, I printed and addressed invitations months earlier than needed so they were ready to drop in the mail at the right time. DH and I also scheduled our honeymoon in St. Petersburg, Russia 5 months after the wedding. In the interim months, we moved for my job and got DS settled in at college. Far more civilized than rushing to the airport a day or two after the wedding- and for women who change their names, you have plenty of time to get your IDs changed to your married name if you made plane reservations in your married name. I can't tell you how many couples post frantically on FlyerTalk because they just realized the bride won't have any ID with her married name on it to match the plane reservations. (You can bring the wedding paper work with you but it's less trouble if everything matches.)
The biggest thing I can say if you are paying don't let others influence you!
We paid and my in-laws were constantly making demands that we needed to have this and that and invite these people and those people … if they want to demand you to have certain things, time for them to pony up.
Otherwise, if you pay, it's YOUR WAY.
Don't compromise what you want to please the demands of other people.
Keep it simple, as the day after, what the majority think will not matter. There will be someone judging your day to what ever wedding they have been to in the past regardless of how much you spend.
Be simple with food and dont go overboard and you will save thousands. Your goal is to feed guests, not wow them with $50-70 a head plates, costing you $7-10K vs a simple meal that can be just as good and cost $2-3K. Dont spend $1-2K on a fancy wedding cake that will be in 75-150 different pieces and a few folks say wow and snap a photo of it.
Dont get mad if you cant invite everyone, as making a guest list will stress you out and in the end, you will still have no shows the day of.
My advice is based on my own experiences with planning my wedding with a lot of "input" from my parents and as a past mother of the bride that tried to be supportive and not too demanding. I did want some input on a couple of minor things. I was pretty insistent that when my daughter and son-in-law walked out of the church there be some sort of modern "rice throwing" equivalent. SIL wanted nothing but clapping and cheers. I won that one thing, and in the end SIL and daughter loved it as did the guests. The looks of happiness on the faces of his family from China, her American family, their friends from around the country all joyfully participating as we cheered on the newly married couple is something that will be in my heart and memory forever. Even the SIL smiled and laughed about it. I was actually proud that my daughter chose not to do a lot of traditional things like throwing a bouquet or gift grabbing dances.
I view marriage as the start of a new family. In my worldview families bring with them "old" traditionsand create "new" traditions. I'm a believer in combining the best of the old and the new. You won't please everyone, but don't be a bridezilla no matter who is paying for the wedding. I personally hate the phrase, "It's MY/OUR day." Love should be shared and generous. A marriage started with a spirit of sharing and love extended to guests and parents is a great start for a lifetime.
When I married, rather than having a receiving line, my former husband and I "switched sides" and let out each pew ourselves instead of having the ushers do it.
This allowed each of us to have a bit of one-on-one face time with guests from each side of the family without making our guests wait in a line to congratulate us. (I thanked his family and friends for coming to our day; he did the same with my family.) It also moved things along more quickly than if we'd waited for the "herd" to come to us.
We also did the bulk of our wedding pictures prior to the marriage ceremony. This allowed our guests to get to the reception venue and have a nibble, a few drinks, and the opportunity to attack the cookie table while we did family pictures. In the past, I'd been to too many weddings when it took hours to finally eat because the photography session took so long. I didn't want to to do that our wedding guests.
That being said, be sure to have a plate of snacks set aside for the bride and groom (or pack a few to have on hand). We didn't do this, so by the time we arrived at the reception (the family left for the reception after we'd finished pictures with them, but we went on a drive with the photographer in order to do couple's pictures at different places around the area), there were no hors d'oeuvres left. I'm hypoglycemic, so things got a touch rough for a while until I was able to get my blood sugar up a bit.
One of the best pieces of advice I received came from my former spouse. As we were planning the wedding, he reminded me that at the end of the day, we were just planning a big party for our friends and family--not The Most Important Day of Our Lives. We were and are both very practical and rather pragmatic people, but it was still helpful to have that thought in our minds to keep ourselves grounded.
Most important wedding advice: Put this day in perspective. It is literally ONE DAY. It is not the marriage. Don't treat it like the biggest event in the history of the planet, because it's not. If you keep this in perspective, all the other problems will be easier to handle. You won't need to go into debt to pay for rubbery chicken entrees. You won't need to **** off your "closest friends" by strong-arming them into spending thousands on dresses, shoes, weekends out of town, special make up (aren't you all lovely enough every day?) and nails, etc. You won't need to spend money to give your guests crap emblazoned with your initials and wedding date. If you keep this in perspective, you will realize that you are NOT a princess. This day is important, but it isn't IMPORTANT in the big scheme of your marriage. Your marriage is important.
Besides, there's a decent chance you'll get the opportunity for a do-over on your next marriage.
Most important wedding advice: Put this day in perspective. It is literally ONE DAY. It is not the marriage. Don't treat it like the biggest event in the history of the planet, because it's not. If you keep this in perspective, all the other problems will be easier to handle. You won't need to go into debt to pay for rubbery chicken entrees. You won't need to **** off your "closest friends" by strong-arming them into spending thousands on dresses, shoes, weekends out of town, special make up (aren't you all lovely enough every day?) and nails, etc. You won't need to spend money to give your guests crap emblazoned with your initials and wedding date. If you keep this in perspective, you will realize that you are NOT a princess. This day is important, but it isn't IMPORTANT in the big scheme of your marriage. Your marriage is important.
Besides, there's a decent chance you'll get the opportunity for a do-over on your next marriage.
Good advice!
If you operate from the point of what is actually required - an officiant, a licence and a couple of witnesses, it may help put in perspective how much is not necessary.
Think about how much you really want to spend on extras. We did not want to spend a lot so we had a small guest list, got married at a beautiful B&B that didn't require anything for decor. The catered meal was $40 PP and we were able to bring our own wine and beer. Non alcoholic drinks were included. We spent roughly $2400 and that included everything, attire, flowers, etc.
It can be done if you don't follow the script the wedding industry pushes.
Wedding photographer....I did not spend top dollar....I got the photos that were important to me...family and the wedding party. As with most wedding albums..they get shoved in a closet or under the couch within 3 weeks of receiving the final project. LOL!
We had fun....did not set up a “wedding” head table and we got in line for the food just like everyone else. It was fun....the guests came up to us in line and we had a blast. Not a pretentious event ....
The church marriage and mass were the most important for us....the reception was a party.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
