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It may be a beautiful gesture....but the O.P. isn’t the one getting engaged to her son’s gf.
Edit: AND it has nothing to do with cost. It’s about effort....not the mom’s effort IMO.
Eh...mom is offering the raw material for the ring - which can certainly be further augmented by the son/groom. He IS putting in the effort in designing the ring, deciding on setting, metal, any additional stones, etc.
I'd say there's no harm in mentioning it to your son.
Everyone is different. Everyone has a different expectation of the romantic things, and maybe has always known EXACTLY the kind of ring she wants...but on the other hand, maybe they could take the ring and replace the center stone for something bigger and shinier, without outlaying too much money.
I still had my engagement ring from my first husband, and when my second husband and I got engaged, we just had the center stone (a marquis) replaced with a bigger emerald cut stone. I was happy, he was happy, it was all good.
My ex and I divorced over 20 years ago and fortunately is was amiable and we're more like old friends now.
I kept my old ring, which is very pretty, and never knew quite what to do with it. Thought of going to a consignment store, but never got around to it.
My son and his girlfriend of three years are now talking marriage and babies, (yay!) and I'm thinking of offering the ring to my son to take to a jewelry designer to repurpose the stones IF they would like to do that.
I suppose it would all depend on one's comfort level? I mean it's just sitting in my jewelry box. Has some sentimental value, not for my ex, but for the fact that the marriage brought us a wonderful son. No bitterness or regrets in the end.
Hopefully, it's ok I asked this here, thought I might get some feedback from those of you in the process of engagement and wedding planning.
Offer it to him with the caveat that he is free to decline with no hurt feelings.
I expect that he knows his intended well enough to know if she would feel weird about repurposing the ring or if she would prefer a new one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh
I appreciate heirlooms ofc...you didn’t read my 1st post. But IMO an engagement ring should come from the man to his gf....not from his mother.
Tasha - many of your posts point out how an individual, a couple, or a relationship "should" do this or "should" do that. You put a lot of "shoulds" in your posts. It's a pattern with you
Please realize that there are many situations and scenarios where there are no "shoulds". Not everyone should conform to your ideals or your standards. This is one of them.
Many people believe that when two people marry it's a blending or merging of families - not just individuals. OP offering the stones in her ring is a sign of acceptance of her future daughter-in-law.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan
Tasha - many of your posts point out how an individual, a couple, or a relationship "should" do this or "should" do that. You put a lot of "shoulds" in your posts. It's a pattern with you
Please realize that there are many situations and scenarios where there are no "shoulds". Not everyone should conform to your ideals or your standards. This is one of them.
Many people believe that when two people marry it's a blending or merging of families - not just individuals. OP offering the stones in her ring is a sign of acceptance of her future daughter-in-law.
I didn’t say that she should conform tho...I gave my opinion like you because she asked. AND the thread isn’t about blending families....ofc that happens with a marriage. BUT...her question is about the engagement ring & that’s between the man & woman IMO. I did tell the O.P. I’m sure the engagement ring will be lovely if she decides to give it to her son’s gf for that purpose. edit: I don’t want anybody to change their mind...I already said that tho.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan
Offer it to him with the caveat that he is free to decline with no hurt feelings.
I expect that he knows his intended well enough to know if she would feel weird about repurposing the ring or if she would prefer a new one.
Some ppl might accept it even if they are uncomfortable with it tho...because they don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. IMO it’s a super awkward way for the O.P. to insert herself into a couple’s 1st big decision together before they are even married..even tho the O.P. has nothing but the best of intentions. It’s a lovely gesture to repurpose the stones to earrings, a cocktail ring or a necklace for herself or as a gift. AND a way to honor or remember the O.P....just that an engagement ring isn’t the way IMO.
But like I said, everyone is different. Future DIL MIGHT be very touched, that MIL is entrusting this to her, as a testament to their love and commitment. You just don't know.
All OP has to do is have a conversation with her son about it.
I think you should ask your son... They can talk about it.
I think it sounds like an awesome idea. In fact, I used my own mother's ring from her first marriage to my dad, when hubby and I married. I guess I gave it to myself. Much better for us and our values and stage in life then than us spending a lot of money we didn't really need to spend on jewelry we really didn't need to spend money on.
Obviously some women have picky feelings about this, and some don't. I'm more of a low maintenance kind of gal and appreciated the opportunity to not spend out of our collective future for another ring while I owned this perfectly beautiful one already!
Different strokes for different folks.... IMHO, if they are nice quality stones of about the size the couple would have chosen to buy, it is ridiculous for anyone to REJECT such a gift just because it was a gift from MIL. Sometimes you can learn a lot about a gal and how difficult she's going to be to be around by asking this kind of question! IMHO of course.
The ring is not the marriage... at least it shouldn't be. There is a way to make this a great gift, and make good use of a valuable family asset rather than wasting it sitting in a drawer.
Last edited by Diana Holbrook; 02-23-2021 at 06:57 PM..
I think you should ask your son... They can talk about it.
I think it sounds like an awesome idea. In fact, I used my own mother's ring from her first marriage to my dad, when hubby and I married. I guess I gave it to myself. Much better for us and our values and stage in life then than us spending a lot of money we didn't really need to spend on jewelry we really didn't need to spend money on.
Obviously some women have picky feelings about this, and some don't. I'm more of a low maintenance kind of gal and appreciated the opportunity to not spend out of our collective future for another ring while I owned this perfectly beautiful one already!
Different strokes for different folks.... IMHO, if they are nice quality stones of about the size the couple would have chosen to buy, it is ridiculous for anyone to REJECT such a gift just because it was a gift from MIL. Sometimes you can learn a lot about a gal and how difficult she's going to be to be around by asking this kind of question! IMHO of course.
The ring is not the marriage... at least it shouldn't be. There is a way to make this a great gift, and make good use of a valuable family asset rather than wasting it sitting in a drawer.
I have 2 stepsons that I raised from a young age. Their Mom passed away when they were young. I convinced my husband to save her ring so we could offer the stone to the boys if they wished. I just felt like if it were my sons and I passed, I would want them to have the opportunity to choose.
If neither wants to use it we decided we would sell the stone and split the money between them. The elder of my sons is with a girl that will want a larger stone than this 1 carat solitaire, but the younger one happens to be with a girl who also lost her Mom at a young age and may very well appreciate the sentiment. Who knows, it's their choice.
I think a family heirloom ring is beautiful and wonderful to have.
I would make it available to your son. He may want to re-purpose the stones into another ring or possibly earrings.
All the talk about the wonderful thought and effort that a man goes to, in an effort to obtain the wonderful and forever ring to give his girlfriend. Get real. It's not like he went out and mined the stone.
If he wants to honor his parents by using the ring in some way, he should. If his girlfriend objects to his using any part of the ring that his father gave his mother, maybe he should re-think the girl.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillie767
All the talk about the wonderful thought and effort that a man goes to, in an effort to obtain the wonderful and forever ring to give his girlfriend. Get real. It's not like he went out and mined the stone.
If he wants to honor his parents by using the ring in some way, he should. If his girlfriend objects to his using any part of the ring that his father gave his mother, maybe he should re-think the girl.
No...he didn’t mine the stone. BUT...the romance, commitment & gift comes from the man on an engagement..not from his mom.
Ppl say that it should be up to the couple tho & ita......but you are saying he should rethink the girl if she would rather not share a memory or engagement ring with her future mom in law. See how fast it all can get out of hand with hurt feelings & drama...& that’s totally why couples need to keep the engagement between the 2 of them.
edit: Their promised commitment to each other doesn’t involve their moms ofc. That totally takes the romance out of it IMO. I want to think of our own memories & my man when I look at my engagement ring.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 02-25-2021 at 09:04 AM..
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It may be a beautiful gesture....but the O.P. isn’t the one getting engaged to her son’s gf.
IMHO of course.
No...he didn’t mine the stone. BUT...the romance, commitment & gift comes from the man on an engagement..not from his mom.
See how fast it all can get out of hand with hurt feelings & drama...& that’s totally why couples need to keep the engagement between the 2 of them. 
