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Hello all, I'm hoping that I can gain some insight from everyone here about this. I'm struggling a bit with whether or not to let my companion's children know I am going to ask their mother to marry me. A little background though...
Both of us are in our late 50's and have children that are all in their mid to late 20's. I'm widowed and she's been divorced almost 20 years and that's drama free. Our children love us, so again, no drama there either. Yes, I'm happily aware how fortunate it is that all of our children accept us. SO and I have had a few convo's about marriage and we feel that it's right for us. ( Funny aside... I think we "agreed to marry" over meal in a sandwich shop during first talk about it ! )
So, my quandary...while I'm not asking her children for permission to marry their mother. I do think it would be a nice gesture to ask them about how they would feel if their mother and I were married before I propose to her. I really don't think my SO would take offense to this, but you never quite know. I'd like to hear other people's take on this before I decide. I'd appreciate greatly any opinions those in this forum can offer.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Kalypso
So, my quandary...while I'm not asking her children for permission to marry their mother. I do think it would be a nice gesture to ask them about how they would feel if their mother and I were married before I propose to her.
J.
Tho if you aren’t asking permission & they are all adults, what’s the point of getting their opinion?^^ The nice gesture could just be inviting them all for brunch or dinner & making the announcement after it happens. It might be your companion would rather share with her kids…with you, especially if you have been together a long time. She probably already knows how they feel if she is close to her kids anyway AND…I’m super surprised you decided on a formal proposal in your situation. Is it because you will be planning a big wedding?
Congratulations tho!
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Why are you asking only her children what they think, and not yours as well?
Good point. edit: AND he said that all of their children accept them as a couple already. So what’s the point of it?
Last edited by TashaPosh; 09-25-2021 at 02:43 PM..
As a woman, I would want to be the first to know. I know you intend it as a thoughtful gesture, but I don't think any of the kids should know before your SO does.
Good points everyone and thank you for the quick replies. What was I thinking? Asking her children what their feelings would be is pretty much like asking for permission, which is not what I'm looking for. As Kayanne felt, my SO absolutely should be, and deserves to be, told first. I never intended to make a formal, on one knee proposal. Just a straightforward ask in an environment similar to the one where we first met. Lest anyone fear... Not in a public or family setting and absolutely not in a sports arena! Just the two of us.
My plan is to go away together for few days, ask and then return home and announce our engagement. First of course to our children and then the remainder of our families etc. So, like Threestep2 suggested, I'll ask, get together and announce. Simple and straightforward.
Thanks again for all of your thoughts.
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