Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships > Weddings
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 09-25-2021, 09:39 AM
 
23 posts, read 14,736 times
Reputation: 100

Advertisements

Hello all, I'm hoping that I can gain some insight from everyone here about this. I'm struggling a bit with whether or not to let my companion's children know I am going to ask their mother to marry me. A little background though...

Both of us are in our late 50's and have children that are all in their mid to late 20's. I'm widowed and she's been divorced almost 20 years and that's drama free. Our children love us, so again, no drama there either. Yes, I'm happily aware how fortunate it is that all of our children accept us. SO and I have had a few convo's about marriage and we feel that it's right for us. ( Funny aside... I think we "agreed to marry" over meal in a sandwich shop during first talk about it ! )

So, my quandary...while I'm not asking her children for permission to marry their mother. I do think it would be a nice gesture to ask them about how they would feel if their mother and I were married before I propose to her. I really don't think my SO would take offense to this, but you never quite know. I'd like to hear other people's take on this before I decide. I'd appreciate greatly any opinions those in this forum can offer.

J.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-25-2021, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,627 posts, read 34,082,392 times
Reputation: 76600
Why are you asking only her children what they think, and not yours as well?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2021, 02:01 PM
 
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,497,398 times
Reputation: 7608
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Kalypso View Post

So, my quandary...while I'm not asking her children for permission to marry their mother. I do think it would be a nice gesture to ask them about how they would feel if their mother and I were married before I propose to her.

J.



Tho if you aren’t asking permission & they are all adults, what’s the point of getting their opinion?^^ The nice gesture could just be inviting them all for brunch or dinner & making the announcement after it happens. It might be your companion would rather share with her kids…with you, especially if you have been together a long time. She probably already knows how they feel if she is close to her kids anyway AND…I’m super surprised you decided on a formal proposal in your situation. Is it because you will be planning a big wedding?

Congratulations tho!




Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Why are you asking only her children what they think, and not yours as well?


Good point. edit: AND he said that all of their children accept them as a couple already. So what’s the point of it?

Last edited by TashaPosh; 09-25-2021 at 02:43 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2021, 02:09 PM
 
Location: At the corner of happy and free
6,451 posts, read 6,604,248 times
Reputation: 16228
As a woman, I would want to be the first to know. I know you intend it as a thoughtful gesture, but I don't think any of the kids should know before your SO does.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-26-2021, 08:01 AM
 
23,890 posts, read 10,260,806 times
Reputation: 45684
Ask SO, have a get together, announce the engagement.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-26-2021, 07:04 PM
 
23 posts, read 14,736 times
Reputation: 100
Good points everyone and thank you for the quick replies. What was I thinking? Asking her children what their feelings would be is pretty much like asking for permission, which is not what I'm looking for. As Kayanne felt, my SO absolutely should be, and deserves to be, told first. I never intended to make a formal, on one knee proposal. Just a straightforward ask in an environment similar to the one where we first met. Lest anyone fear... Not in a public or family setting and absolutely not in a sports arena! Just the two of us.

My plan is to go away together for few days, ask and then return home and announce our engagement. First of course to our children and then the remainder of our families etc. So, like Threestep2 suggested, I'll ask, get together and announce. Simple and straightforward.

Thanks again for all of your thoughts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships > Weddings

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top