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Old 05-30-2008, 08:02 PM
 
Location: WA
319 posts, read 1,907,541 times
Reputation: 139

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A diamond engagement ring wasn't important to me at all. In fact, I said that I wouldn't let my now fiance buy me a diamond ring! I think it is a crazily overpriced piece of carbon. We both stumbled upon a man-made diamond called Moissanite. It looks like diamond, but a lot less expensive (still much more than CZ though). I steered him in the right direction of what I wanted with some web links, as I am very much not a jewelry person. My ring is the first piece of jewelry besides cheap earrings I've ever worn.

Ended up getting a gorgeous white gold ring, in a classy cathedral setting while being very plain. 1/4 carat Moissanite stone. Something I can imagine myself wearing everyday for as long as it lasts.

I am much happier that he only spent a few hundred dollars. Save the money for something that means something to the person enjoying it. For some women, it is a big rock. For others like me, I'd enjoy owning a home, furniture, or a trip (honeymoon). I'm also happy that in the very unfortunate event that I lost or damaged the ring, it could be replaced or repaired cheaply. We don't have to carry costly insurance on it. Even the jeweler was almost fooled that it was real (when looking at it microscopically even).

We plan to get matching wedding bands (probably titanium or something more funky). Then, I can just move the engagement ring to my right hand and not have to match something up with it. I have small hands and I think two rings next to each other wouldn't work unless the wedding band was very thin.

I'd rather not even have a real wedding (go elope or something), but my family would kill me. So, we're going to do it my way. Low-key and fun, on a budget. No use spending tens of thousands of dollars on a big party. I hate being the center of attention.

To the OP: I wish you the best of luck in finding the non-traditional woman who would appreciate creating a new tradition with you. I'm all for it.

Last edited by tortoisegirl; 05-30-2008 at 08:03 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 05-30-2008, 10:49 PM
 
Location: California
598 posts, read 2,069,549 times
Reputation: 461
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man in SATX View Post
I have to agree here.. why should one person sacrafice for another person .. especially if they are supposed to be a team? They should be working together in unison to get the same thing accomplished. If one person is constantly doing more then another person and feeling they are giving up more then the other person.. troubles loom ahead...

Whoops - should have put in a sidebar. You go into a relationship preparing to sacrifice for her, and she does the same for you

Both parties should attempt to make the other happy, to compromise, to think about what's good for the unit more than what's good for the individual.

Now, that's hard to do....but I believe that's the way it should be.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:01 PM
 
6,351 posts, read 9,949,545 times
Reputation: 3490
Quote:
Originally Posted by cinderobyn View Post
You just don't like women. Not to say that I think you are gay, although the thought has ocurred. Especially when you spoke of accidentally having sex with another male in the high school years. Not saying that is what you did, I think you used it as a for instance.



JESUS PEOPLE! HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF "JOKING!!!?????"
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:19 PM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 3,216,802 times
Reputation: 807
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Freddy View Post
I don't think that's a healthy attitude on the part of either partner and can lead to some serious feelings of inequity which will destabilize the relationship.

The basis of a stable relationship is that both partners share the same needs and wants and work as a team to realize them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man in SATX View Post
I have to agree here.. why should one person sacrafice for another person .. especially if they are supposed to be a team? They should be working together in unison to get the same thing accomplished. If one person is constantly doing more then another person and feeling they are giving up more then the other person.. troubles loom ahead...
I think the idea behind it is not that one person sacrifices for the other putting the needs of the other before their own and in doing so is constantly doing more than the other partner. Rather, that if both partners are doing this, putting the needs of the other before their own then each partner in the relationship is thereby having their need's met by their partner.

It goes with the whole thing of each person in the relationship putting in 100%. When they are not, that is when the feeling of inequality or of feeling like one is doing more than the other comes in.

As long as it is done in a healthy fashion, and both partners are doing it, there is nothing wrong with putting the needs of your partner before your own.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:25 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,941,729 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
It goes with the whole thing of each person in the relationship putting in 100%. When they are not, that is when the feeling of inequality or of feeling like one is doing more than the other comes in.
I agree with the 100% theory. The 50/50 one (aka tit for tat) is just pathetic petty accounting.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:31 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
2,410 posts, read 5,989,373 times
Reputation: 6385
When my DH proposed there was no ring. I didn't get a ring until we had been married for almost 2 years. I love the ring he picked out. It cost about $125 and is white gold and my birthstone (amythest). I told him when we were dating that if he ever bought me a diamond I would kick his butt! I prefer the look of the natural colored stones, although it seems fewer and fewer jewelry stores have a nice selection of them.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:34 PM
 
6,351 posts, read 9,949,545 times
Reputation: 3490
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I agree with the 100% theory. The 50/50 one (aka tit for tat) is just pathetic petty accounting.

So...she gets and expensive ring at at NO POINT does she ever save a year to buy me something. That somehow sounds fair?
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:37 PM
 
Location: Philippines
1,961 posts, read 4,369,252 times
Reputation: 2781
*sigh*

I feel bad for our teachers theses days.. or maybe they are part of the problem. Whatever the problem, reading comprehension by some youths is going wayyyy downhill.
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Old 05-30-2008, 11:52 PM
 
Location: California
598 posts, read 2,069,549 times
Reputation: 461
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk View Post
So...she gets and expensive ring at at NO POINT does she ever save a year to buy me something. That somehow sounds fair?

Still think you are missing the point but think of it this way; traditionally:

You pay for the ring.
Her parents pay for the wedding.

Anyway, you are not in love, obviously.
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Old 05-31-2008, 12:13 AM
 
117 posts, read 312,971 times
Reputation: 42
Yeah, you're are so right. How is it an expression of love for a man to buy a woman something EVERY other woman has?

I'd rather he buy me something cool or make me a work or art.

(Sadly, he'd have to think of something else, since I already own a katana )

Last edited by Bakiryu; 05-31-2008 at 12:55 AM..
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