Expensive engagement/wedding rings for her: fair or not? (husband, wear, girlfriend)
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In many cultures, traditionally your bride would also come with a dowry from her family. Plus in current society, it's the bride's family that pays for the wedding, and most weddings cost more than the engagement ring.
An engagement ring doesn't have to be uber expensive, but it's a symbol of the man's serious intentions towards being married. No one has to have a diamond engagement ring, but it should be a beautiful ring as she's going to be wearing it for the rest of her life. And if you are angry about expensive diamond engagement rings, then blame the DeBeers diamond consortium because they've been the ones heavily advertising the concept for decades.
And in your case, your angry is silly and premature and misdirected at women yet again!! You can't even find the courage to date a woman, let alone find one to marry. And the man is supposed to ask the woman's father for his permission and blessing to marry his daughter, the man assuring and promising the father that he will honor and take care of his daughter for the rest of his life... and in your case, right now, I can't imagine any father wanting you for his son-in-law.
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The tradition that can be traced back into antiquity was to offer your prospective fiance a simple gold band. Diamond engagement rings were the result of a 20th century ad campaign by (I think) DeBeers. This had to be the single most effective and pervasive advertising the world has ever seen as it has become completely ubiquitous.
Well if my hubby would have listened to me and bought me skis they at least would have been worn. I have never worn jewelry and still don't so there it sits in a fancy box with my wedding ring ... nope, don't need that as a reminder that I'm married either. I would rather get something that is more suited for me. We are still married and he buys me great things that I really want/need now for b-days, anniversaries, etc. Such as new ski boots, photography gear, outdoor things, etc. It took him a while, but he's learning. Do what others don't do, be unique, and it will be special and remembered for years to come.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiChick
Well if my hubby would have listened to me and bought me skis they at least would have been worn. I have never worn jewelry and still don't so there it sits in a fancy box with my wedding ring ... nope, don't need that as a reminder that I'm married either. I would rather get something that is more suited for me. We are still married and he buys me great things that I really want/need now for b-days, anniversaries, etc. Such as new ski boots, photography gear, outdoor things, etc. It took him a while, but he's learning. Do what others don't do, be unique, and it will be special and remembered for years to come.
I had never worn any jewelry before I was married either. My wife wanted to spend a considerable amount of money on my ring but that wasn't happening. I wound up with a simple, engraved titanium band that is clearly a wedding band but is also manly enough for me never to take off.
Most older folks (50's plus) still like the old traditions of engagement/marriage. Seems to me that the younger folks simply want to change toooooo many things about life. My wife's engagement ring was under a $1k and she loved showing it off.
If people don't like the "old" traditions, it's simple......don't do them!! We are just glad that NOT everyone believes in the "new" stuff.
And, by the way, I love wearing my wedding band! I'm just glad that I don't have the type of job where I can't wear it due to safety reasons.
I agree a big diamond doesn't mean the marriage will last any longer. I remember girls almost breaking their wrist so you would notice their ring.
My story.. my 1st engagement ring from DLH was cubic zirconia from a grocery store give away. Buy so much and get X for a reduced price. We didn't have a lot of money and there is no way he could afford the 'real' thing. Didn't matter to me.. it was the thought that counted. Of course, we were a little more realistic since we had both been married before and not in our 20s.
That ring meant so much to me, not for what it cost, but for what it stood for.
On our 15th wedding anniversary, he gave me a beautiful 1 ct diamond solitaire 'I couldn't do it right the first time, but I wanted to make it right now' He joked about the light being on because the diamond sparkled when in the light.
He died 2 months later. Of course, I love that ring, but I would much rather have him with me than that ring.
I have thought about this, as I usually think about all things that people just except at face value, and I can't help but think...what's in it for the guy?
And once again, you are thinking too much about nothing! You need less premeditated thought and more spontaneous action in your life!
And go back to school! Your written English is horrible. It's ACCEPT, not except. You frequently mix up your homonyms... which is highly ironic since you are so picky about knowledge of minutia like Valhalla. If my boyfriend wrote like you do, he never would have had my full respect and he would not have been a candidate for my boyfriend. But that's because in my family, we love WORDS and the English language. And mixing up homonyms are signs of ignorance, a lack of caring, and a sloppy thinking mind.
You may think that you are an intellectual, a keen observer of the human condition, and an astute philosopher, but clearly you are not. Get off your high horse and the internet, stop being a scaredy cat and start living life in the real world. Life is too short to waste as you are currently doing.
Having lived in one of those war torn countries (Sierra Leone) and having known people who were killed and maimed in the war that occured there as a result of diamond mining, I had a hard time balancing my personal experiences there with my desire (and I might add, my then boyfriend's now husbnad's desire) to give me an engagement ring. To us, it, and our wedding rings are OUR symbols of our love for each other. I really don't care what anybody else does or doesn't do to symbolize their love, but in our case, we chose the more 'traditional' path. However, since I had close ties to many people who were affected extremely negatively by the blood diamond wars, we chose to use a reputable jeweler who certifies where the diamonds come from, and we chose not to have a diamond as the primary stone in the ring. A sapphire is the largest stone. There are two smaller diamonds (one which fell out a few weeks ago, if you read the other diamond engagement ring thread) that are certified to have not come from 'blood diamond' countries, including Sierra Leone. The sapphire also is not a conflict stone. We specifically chose a jeweler that would certify in writing that all the stones were conflict free. I would have rather been ringless than to have a ring whose stones I couldn't be sure of.
Was my desire for a ring stupid? Not to us. Perhaps it would be to Victorian Punk, but if he finds a non-traditional thin nerdish woman who knows what Valhalla is, would accept a stone of your choice, and is happy to give you a sword that used to be functional (does that mean you want a sword that was used to kill somebody -- if so, you are a very unusual person,) then that would be fine .
it sounds like the opening post sees the whole thing purely in financial terms and money and "gimme gimme" and "what do i get out of it." I don't hear a lot of expression of caring, valuing, respecting, and generosity towards his fiancee (who at this point is only theoretical and will most likely stay that way until his attitudes change).
i wonder if this is the same person who is the type that says to his unhappy wife who points out that he never expresses his affection, "Sheesh, why do i have to say i love you, i married you didn't i?"
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 05-30-2008 at 08:55 AM..
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