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I don't know how all this changed over the years, or maybe it's a cultural or economic difference?
When I got married, I was 30. It was my first wedding, so of course I wanted an actual wedding. Because my spouse and I are of different religions, we chose a JP instead of a church/synagogue. My parents told me what the budget was, and I worked with my mother and husband to be on making the arrangements within the budget.
It wasn't rocket science. You have a max, and every time you incur an expense, you deduct from the max. When you hit zero, you can't buy anything else. So it's in your best interest to be prudent, and do some research.
I would never have dreamed of demanding this that and the other thing. I can't even imagine the selfishness required to do that to your parents. What kind of girls are these, that would impose their needs as soon-to-be-married full grown adults on the people who raised them? What kind of parents are they, that would allow their children to get away with it?
The daughter wants a wedding in Cabo san Lucas? Great! Take pictures and show them to me when you get back. Hope you have a great time, and I'll forward the bill to your new apartment when it shows up in the mail.
My daughter is getting married in July. It is a destination wedding to HI. This is my question. Does anyone out there, besides me, think that this wedding business is "over the top". All I ever hear is that the wedding is about "her". It's "her" day, it's what "she wants" etc. When I got married (1971) it was about two families planning for a special occasion, where two people in love were exchanging vows and starting a new life together. It was about the birde and groom; not the bride only. It was about honoring the families and bringing together cultures, traditions, friends and relatives. Not about what the bride wants and having make-up artists doing everyone hair and faces or $10,000.00 engagement rings and arguing.
I blame the media and us crazy people who watch shows like "Bridezilla" "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee" etc. These shows help perpetulate the notion that these young people are "entitled" to have everything. I don't have a lot of money yet I am not starving. I raised my daughter to be kind, considerate, and think of others first. If I never hear the word wedding again it will be too soon.
In short... YES. Ever see Bride wars? It's utterly obnoxious!
People spend more time/money planning a wedding than they do a marriage!
I see nothing wrong with having a wedding in Hawaii.
When it gets to the make-up artist and crap, then yeah but wanting to have your wedding in Hawaii, nothing wrong with that.
I am no where near getting married but I know I want to get married on the beach, I already have in my head what I want my wedding dress to look like and I honestly could care less about everything else, as long as its on the beach and my dress is what I want it to be. I can't see myself being picky about decorations, food etc...
And if your husband-to-be HATES the beach? (If they're worth their salt they usually have some input on things like this.)
I think in general, destination weddings are selfish. Weddings are about pledging your love and commitment before friends and family. If the location supercedes the friends and family then you are already off on the wrong foot IMO. The exceptions would be people who (for whatever reason) really only want a very private ceremony. Perhaps it's a second wedding or the bride and groom are older and already established as a couple etc etc. For a young(ish) couple, to want a large wedding at some fancy "destination" and then get bent out of shape when the invitees cannot afford (or choose not to spend their next 2 years vacation fund on their wedding) or take the time to go...kind of defeats the purpose to me. Go there for your honeymoon instead.
My soon to be husband, is more picky then I am when it comes to the wedding. I just want to elope =(
I have to say alot of you are saying destination weddings are selfish, Well I currently live in FL with my fiancee All of my family lives In NY, his lives in Germany. we are by no means being selfish because we want to get married on a Cruise Ship, there is just no neutral place for us to get married that would make everyone happy.
My soon to be husband, is more picky then I am when it comes to the wedding. I just want to elope =(
I have to say alot of you are saying destination weddings are selfish, Well I currently live in FL with my fiancee All of my family lives In NY, his lives in Germany. we are by no means being selfish because we want to get married on a Cruise Ship, there is just no neutral place for us to get married that would make everyone happy.
I don't think wanting your wedding to be in point A or point B (or on a cruise ship) is selfish at all. What would be selfish, is if you expected your parents to pay for it all, and expected your guests to be in a position where they could afford to pay their own way (including time off from work since you can't exactly just fly to the ship for the wedding and fly back home the next day).
We wanted a destination wedding but my grandma was too sick and too old to fly anywhere, so we didn't. It wasn't the wedding we wanted but it made my dying grandma, the only grandparent I ever knew, very happy. She died about 9 months later and one of the only things she said in her final days was how happy she was to have seen it. We could have saved a lot of our own money and had the wedding we wanted, but in the end we were glad we did what we did.
While it may not be selfish to want to have your wedding in the place of your choice, it is selfish to expect others to absorb the time and expense of attending. Elope and do it quietly if you want a destination wedding, and tell everyone when you get home. Or pay for those who you expect to attend. One way or the other.
selfish? gee a wedding really is about the bride and the groom the rest is icing on the cake.
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