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This girl who expects her family to pay for all of her expenses and her approaching wedding seems to be a girl who has been desperately spoiled all her life...living like a princess....and where did she get that attitude??? Read too many faily tales where the prince will come and live happily forever after??? I feel sorry for her husband who will no doubt pick up where daddy leaves off...unless he has grown up to be a spoiled brat who has been handed everything as well...
Parents just don't know how to teach their kids to live without everything they want. They want their kids to love them and so buy them off...that's a lot easier. Kids don't know how to work hard, make sacrifices and just do with less...
C'mon, let's not blame young girls who have been prgrammed from birth to LOVE being a PRINCESS and get MARRIED and have BABIES!!!!! Isn't that what mommy teaches her little angel that's what she was BORN for???? ISN'T it MOMMY who wants to impress the relatives with her Little Pinked and Lavendered Princess's Coronation into the Heaven of marriage???
Hahaha...I've known a few parents who pulled out all the stops, went into debt for their angel's wedding only to see the marriage disolve in a couple of years and "angel" is living at home...Hahaha serves them right
I agree that keeping score doesn't do anything in the situation and can make you feel bitter. It seems that what your father-in-law did with your husband was to teach him responsibility for finances, a very good lesson.
I don't think your husband was slighted by his parents one bit, rather he was taught how to live life as opposed to living above his means. His sister, unfortunately, has not learned that lesson, and that can come back to haunt her, unless her husband-to-be has significant resources to keep her in her lifestyle.
Take the high road, buy her/the happy couple-to-be an omlette pan and call it a day.
Last edited by bmwguydc; 01-11-2009 at 07:23 PM..
Reason: typo
Meanwhile, I gotta ask... what has your father or family done for you or your marriage?
My husband and I had a long engagement and I decided one day "lets get married." We called the courthouse and made an appt. We paid for the license and invited those that were close to use to attend (sister, father, aunt, a couple cousins). My sister bought me a nice dress (under $100) and my husband wore a suit he already had. My sister and aunt took us out to a nice lunch before our time slot. Since our families live so far away from each other, we had 2 different potluck get togethers. My family's: was in a park that my husband and I paid for on the reservation; my aunt and uncles supplied the meat; my sister and her friend made a very beautiful 3 tier cake; my sister hand made a few nice decorations that I now use as decorations in my living room. My husband and I paid for all the invitations (this was held 3 weeks after we got hitched) and put the time and energy into making the arrangements and finalizing everything for it. My father was hands off and he didn't have the money to help - so I did not expect anything but him to show up and have a great time. And, that he did! We had an excellent turn out despite poor weather and it was everything I could have hoped for.
The potluck we had for his family was similar. Husband and I paid for the hall reservation while his mother and aunt supplied the meat. They also picked up the tab on the cake we purchased from Sam's Club for the event. We were fully intended to pay the full boat of expenses, they managed to do the food pick ups and refused to take money back. It was my place to insult them by insisting otherwise.
Not glamourous by any stretch of the imagination, but sufficient. It was realistic for what we could afford and what our families could afford. And the absolute best part of it.... I'm not still paying off my wedding day 3 yrs later... Instead, I have my pennies saved up for a down payment on a new car (which I'm shopping for this week I hope!).. ready to trade in the early 90's 4 banger beater that I've been beating the tar out of.
So are you thinking that since you chose to elope and have a civil ceremony without all the bells and whistles that your SIL should settle for the same? You did what made you happy, she should be able to do the same.
Again... I'm NOT saying anything to the people involved. This was just a momentary rant from this morning that is long since over. I am not involved and will be staying out of it... aside from showing up the day I'm suppose to be there. Thats it.
Like I mentioned before.. the concern is more about knowing the hardships that my inlaws are going through and not so much how my husband has been treated differently. My frustrations more reflect his frustrations that he has spoken out against to me.
So are you thinking that since you chose to elope and have a civil ceremony without all the bells and whistles that your SIL should settle for the same? You did what made you happy, she should be able to do the same.
You're putting words in my mouth.
What we did was what we could realistically afford. Both of us were laid off and our only income was side computer work. We didn't go in the poor house just to have a wedding, and we certainly didn't send either of our families there for the occasion, either.
I could've been just as selfish and expected the fairytale wedding and stuck my father with the bill. I'm not that kind of person. My father couldn't afford that and I would feel terrible to even consider doing such a thing. His parents couldn't afford it, either, and I did not feel it was my place or right for me to ask anything of them.
Tell your husband that he should be grateful to his parents. They taught him how real life is. My mother made EVERYTHING equal between my sister and me growing up. We even got presents on each other's birthdays. ridiculous
It was really hard learning that life really isn't fair and everybody doesn't get treated the same way as an adult.
If he really feels that his parents shouldn't face the hardship of giving his sister a big wedding, maybe he should consider helping out instead of being jealous that they are helping her.
We joked around that if we ever got married we do something simple and fun like wear Hawaiian shirts and have a quick ceremony on the beach.
Mandatory flip flops.
My wish for our wedding was that everyone wear togas. That idea didn't go far!
$15,000 is really a pretty cheap wedding now days. When my daughter was married nearly 20 years ago the price tag came to $20,000, and that was pretty bare bones, according to my wife and daughter. Of course I paid all of it -- that's what you do for your daughters.
My brother's only daughter got married last year. He didn't tell me the cost, but I'd guess it was in the $50,000 range or more. He said he'd been saving for it since she was born.
Keep in mind, it's not just a big party for the bride and groom; the parents share in the party and are normally considered the hosts -- normally (traditionally) the bride's parents, that is. Your husband's parents probably want to host the wedding, and they'd probably prefer to pay all of it. 'Cuz that's what dads are expected to do.
No, it needn't cost much at all. My second wedding was just me, my bride, a judge and a couple friends who stood up for us. We took them out to dinner afterwards. Total cost, not counting the rings, was probably $150-$200.
When my current wife and I were married she wanted a "real" wedding, but we didn't have much money. We got a wedding gown, maid-of-honor's gown, tux rentals, flowers, cake (from a local grocer), food (30-foot sandwich from Subway and salads that my wife made), and decorations, all for $2500. That was 7 years ago. We held it in my sister's big front lawn with the reception in her garage. We had (free) live music because we have several professional musicians in my family who were kind enough to do it for free, and we had two amateur photographers who were happy to use my professional gear.
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