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Old 06-21-2009, 09:56 AM
 
12,579 posts, read 11,025,201 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nicet4 View Post
The parents of the bride pay for the wedding.

The parents of the groom pay for the rehearsal dinner.

The fiance of the "spoiled vindictive brat" should run away as fast as his little legs can take him. If he marries her his life will be miserable as all heck.

When my daughter got married her mother and I paid for the wedding giving my daughter and future son in law a budget number we were prepared to spend.

My wonderful son in law is a master negotiator and due to his negotiating skills, this guy knows how to get value out of every penny, they got a wedding for $15k that was nicer than some weddings I've been to that cost $40k.

You do not need alcohol at a wedding. My daughter and son in law opted for a no alcohol wedding savings thousands and thousands of dollars.

On the wedding dress we got lucky, didn't have to buy one.

My daughter wore the silk wedding dress her mother got married in 30 years before which was purchased for $300 in 1946 and worn by her grandmother.

Inflation. What cost $300 in 1947 would cost $2,861.99 in 2008. The dress is a beautiful dress.

The dress is once again sealed in a special container ready for the great grand-daughter coming up in another 25 or 30 years.

The "Father of the Bride" wedding was just insanity.
Very lovely story

thank you for sharing
Creme
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:03 AM
 
12,579 posts, read 11,025,201 times
Reputation: 7173
Quote:
miu;9393567]Later on, his mom complained that their dad's current wife (#3 for him) upstaged her daughter by wearing a designer off the shoulder gown.
Oh for God's sake MIU, this is just the kind of thing I'm talking about, who the heck cares what anyone wears, and why would you allow something like that to bother you...not to mention, the father should walk his daughter down the isle. Sheesh, I cannot believe the idiotic concept of some people?


Quote:
What's amazing to me is the bar and bat mitzvahs we've been doing in the $8-13k range... I suppose these parents are taking out a home equity loan against their houses. But of the bat mitzvahs, there is college to pay for in the future, plus her wedding eventually.
speaking of which MIU, friends of mine at work have young daughters, whose parents are throwing these elaborate parties for them, for graduating from junior high to senior high. He says I wouldn't believe the expense these parents go to and, they are like bat mitzvahs?????? He said, there is no way I will spend that kind of money for my daughter just to keep up with the jones...we're going to take her to a destination that she wants to go to...and we're doing it as a family.
I commend him....
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:04 AM
 
12,579 posts, read 11,025,201 times
Reputation: 7173
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I worked with a lady who would not even think of doing things second hand . She stated that was for the poor and weak minded . Her daughter was going to have the best of everything and she could afford it . she was one of those that had a major trust fund from her parents and they sure knew how to throw it in someones face . Yes I totally agree with you I cannot see fifty thousand for a wedding .
she is the one who is weak minded....it's a shame how we've raised our children...some of them, to think like this....
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Eternal State of Confusion
7,104 posts, read 7,752,643 times
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I think if you're fortunate enough to have parents/in-laws who wish to contribute then great, but otherwise if you want a "big party", be prepared to foot the "big bill".



Over the years my parents set aside money for both my sister and myself. When my DH and I got engaged my parents gave me a check and said "do with it as you wish," but it was basically set aside with the idea that we would eventually have a wedding one day. After some discussion, my DH and I decided to have a wedding (we already owned a home). My parents didn't pay for the whole wedding, but their very generous check was able to cover the reception expense (dinner/site fee). They also footed the cost of my gown. We paid the remainder of the expenses which was probably about 1/2 of the total expense.

The only expectation we had when it came to money was when DH's parents wanted to invite guests we chose not to have on our list (in order to cut costs, DH chose not to invite cousins he hadn't seen in a decade or longer.) DH's side is very big: 14 aunts and uncles not including SOs, so you can imagine the number of cousins. My DH told his parents they could invite whoever they wanted beyond our guest list, but they had to cover the plate charge and they understood.
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:17 AM
 
5,004 posts, read 4,900,655 times
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When I had my first wedding, my in-laws had the reception in their backyard, food and alcohol. My parents paid for my simple dress (it was actually a bridesmaid's dress but it was white with pink ribbons) and the cake and invitations and the minister at the church. I can't remember who paid for the rehearsal dinner. My mother-in-law who was divorced from my father-in-law paid for our honeymoon - we had a week at a hotel in San Diego, very, very nice.

My second marriage was in Las Vegas. We got married with a couple of friends in attendance. No wedding clothes. No honeymoon, back to work on Monday. Never again.

I think it's a combination of media entertainment and that people make more money these days or are willing to take out loans for their kids. Maybe it's partly the message parents are sending to their kids,"You're worth everything to me," and girls seeing outrageous weddings on TV. Or maybe, it's the hard truth that a lot of people nowadays make a lot more money than we're willing to acknowledge. I have friends who make a lot of money and gave their first daughter a destination wedding.

If I get married a third time, it will be a simple, small wedding and some kind of honeymoon, some kind of celebration.

I think it's also the relationship with your parents. Some daughters respect their parents and know their financial situation. Some daughters just don't care and want the parents to pay for everything, whether they can or can't. And some daughters know their parents really have the bucks, so it's no big deal.

If right now my father was willing to pay for a third wedding for fifty thousand, I'd rather take that fifty thousand and put a down payment on a modest house. But that's just me.
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Eternal State of Confusion
7,104 posts, read 7,752,643 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
... Yes I totally agree with you I cannot see fifty thousand for a wedding .
Unfortunately, where I live, a 50K isn't all that lavish. A 20K wedding is relatively modest (and probably falls under frugal) where I live. It's just the costs of things here (and I'm sure in other metro areas.)

Our wedding was over 50K and we were budget conscious. Although I'd like to think we had a beautiful wedding, we definitely didn't have anything that was over-the-top or "the best of the best". My DH negotiated the crap out of the vendors and we got some great deals because of my DH's contacts. Most people I know paid a hell of a lot more for their vendors. We also cut out a lot of expenses/certain vendors (e.g.: no videographer, which is usually 6K+ around here.)
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:24 AM
 
5,986 posts, read 5,021,782 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Very lovely story

thank you for sharing
Creme
Thank you.

The wedding was three years ago and "the dress" only comes out of its sealed container a few months before the wedding after which it's prepared and sealed away for another 30 years.

The dress came out and all three women where there, my daughter, my wife and grandmother. All three tried the dress on and all three could still fit into it so it was an exciting time by everyone.

Ok, it might have been a little snug on grandma and mom but it has been 30 and 60 years so shouldn't they be cut a little slack? BTW I've been married 35 years and I knew better than to mention it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61
I worked with a lady who would not even think of doing things second hand . She stated that was for the poor and weak minded . Her daughter was going to have the best of everything and she could afford it . she was one of those that had a major trust fund from her parents and they sure knew how to throw it in someones face . Yes I totally agree with you I cannot see fifty thousand for a wedding .
What kind of beasts have we become? Are so many people at the point where they know the cost of everything and the value of nothing???

We've really become a nation of nuts and little has depressed me more than watching those horrible television broadcasts about bridezillas or whatever it is.

Doomed to divorce in 5 to 10 years is what I call them.

If my daughter had acted the way I've seen some act I would have been broken hearted and so disappointed I probably would not have gone to the wedding at all.

What's a wedding? It's the celebration of the joining of two families. It was my shot at celebrating my immortality knowing their children would be one fourth of me.... I was celebrating being able to live on through them forever.

This whole idea of outdoing everyone, outspending to outspend, is just ridiculous idiocy. To say it is childish is to insult children.

I want it nice, respectful with good people and the last thing I would want is knowing someone spent more than they could comfortably afford just to "keep up the appearances" crap. I would rather know my daughter in laws parents weren't paying wedding installments five years after the wedding.

Hey, if you can afford a Father of the Bride wedding then go for it but that is not what it is all about.
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:44 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,680 posts, read 20,795,587 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
she is the one who is weak minded....it's a shame how we've raised our children...some of them, to think like this....
I think that some people are very superstitious and are afraid of jinxing their marriage by using a used wedding dress or buying a used engagement ring. I'm all about "used" estate jewelry. It's such a much better value than any jewelry bought new.

Another racket is the wedding cake imo. They are way overpriced.

And the wedding pictures! I know a few couples that got the proofs, and years later, have yet to order copies for their families. There are so many ways to save on the wedding day expenses.

And about the upstaging thing, well I can almost see my boyfriend's mom's point. This third wife is taller and svelter than the bride. Her dress was ivory or cream coloured. And the cut of the gown was much nicer and more elegant than the wedding dress. I'm not saying that she should have dressed frumpy, but I feel that the female guests should not dress in competition to the bride. It's not just any party, but the bride's special day. Otherwise, the other distraction in the crowd was his younger sister's fiance's sister.... tall with big fake boobies that looked like they were about to fall out of her halter dress at any moment. lol

Actually a few weeks ago, I worked a Chinese-Lebanese wedding. The bride wore several different outfits during the evening. The white wedding dress was purchased at one of those infamous Filene's Basement running of the brides wedding dress sale events. The bride had the most perfect trim figure. Sigh.
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:57 AM
 
5,986 posts, read 5,021,782 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
And the wedding pictures! I know a few couples that got the proofs, and years later, have yet to order copies for their families. There are so many ways to save on the wedding day expenses.
We received wonderful photos!

Try this on.

My son in law negotiated with the photographer for a release on proofs. He received all the proofs (it was digital so he received a CD) and the legal right to copy away as their little hearts desired.

Everyone got all the photo's.

Don't be afraid to negotiate. Tell em straight up.
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Old 06-21-2009, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,759 posts, read 3,642,083 times
Reputation: 4706
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheImportersWife View Post
Unfortunately, where I live, a 50K isn't all that lavish. A 20K wedding is relatively modest (and probably falls under frugal) where I live. It's just the costs of things here (and I'm sure in other metro areas.)

Our wedding was over 50K and we were budget conscious.
Wow. I'm proud to say my wedding and honeymoon is costing us $3,000. We're getting married on the beach, barefoot in Hawaii which will then turn into an instant honeymoon. Just the two of us.
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