What's the most diplomatic way of asking for cash as wedding gift? (formal, attend)
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Actually, if the bride & groom already had established households, money for a honeymoon sounds like a great idea. It's better than receiving a bunch of stuff they don't need, which will have to be stored or returned. I do see a trend with some people though to be gift hogs...people who have multiple showers as well as those who invite an unreasonable number of folks to their weddings, so that they get as many gifts as possible.
Wow, this is a tricky question. My first response was "How so tacky!"
And then I thought, so, the couple registers, and then hopes that the gifts that are given also have gift-receipts so that gifts that are given but turn out to be ones they don't want to keep, can be returned for cash. So why not just cash in the first place.
I guess I've come around to saying that cash for a wedding present should be OK, but the couple shouldn't have said it was for their honeymoon. They should have just said that cash would be OK.
Just a few months ago the over 30 year old daughter of one of my dear friends got married in a huge formal, white dress/black tie, country club reception wedding. The crux was the bride and groom had already established their household, as they had been living together for over 10 years. They did not register, but also asked for monetary gifts to pay for their honeymoon. You could even send your check directly to the travel agency. I thought the whole event was tacky then, I still think it is tacky now. So did many in our social circle, including to a certain extent the brides mother and aunts. Many people did give money, especially the younger ones. Our "girls group" as we call ourselves, gave the bride a beautiful hand stitched set of table linens that we all worked on. This is the same gift we have given to each daughter bride in our group. Each of us also sent a small monetary gift.
This event was over three months ago. As of Saturday (my mail has not run today) I have not recieved any form of thank you from the bridal couple (oral or written) even though I have seen this bride on two occasions publically. To my knowledge no one else who sent a gift (money or other) has received a thank you either.
Actually, if the bride & groom already had established households, money for a honeymoon sounds like a great idea. It's better than receiving a bunch of stuff they don't need, which will have to be stored or returned. I do see a trend with some people though to be gift hogs...people who have multiple showers as well as those who invite an unreasonable number of folks to their weddings, so that they get as many gifts as possible.
You made me think of a wedding my husband and I were invited to some years ago. It was for two of his co-workers and the entire office as well as a guest per person were included. We were all invited by formal invitation.
When we all got there we were absolutely appalled....we were all invited as the "second shift" the wedding and reception had already taken place and the party had been in full force. Apparently we were all invited for a gift...Not one person was even offered a cheese and cracker.
None of us have ever gotten over that and it still comes up in conversation.
You made me think of a wedding my husband and I were invited to some years ago. It was for two of his co-workers and the entire office as well as a guest per person were included. We were all invited by formal invitation.
When we all got there we were absolutely appalled....we were all invited as the "second shift" the wedding and reception had already taken place and the party had been in full force. Apparently we were all invited for a gift...Not one person was even offered a cheese and cracker.
None of us have ever gotten over that and it still comes up in conversation.
That's just appalling. What did the invitation say?
I don't understand all the criticism and "tacky" comments.
In many, many cultures, including mine, cash is the expected gift. There is nothing tacky about it.
A gift is about what the couple needs, not what you feel like getting them.
Is there a polite way of requesting cash/gift cards instead of doing a registry and/or receiving other gifts?
how would this be worded exactly on the invitations?
I heard 'no wrapped gifts' as one option.
But basically, unless you put what you want the cash to go towards on a registry (like for a honeymoon or something), there's no way to make this not sound hugely tacky (because it is).
Wedding presents are supposed to help a young couple set up house. If you have already done that, then asking for extra presents seems kind of...I dunno...disgusting.
We asked for people to donate to our favorite charity if they really felt like they had to get us something.
A gift is about what the couple needs, not what you feel like getting them.
Etiquette, at least in the US, says otherwise. Despite what some people think, the gift is not mandatory, and it is the guest's decision as to what to give. A gift registry is a suggestion, not a shakedown of one's guests.
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