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Old 07-01-2011, 08:39 PM
 
Location: Denver Metro
1,549 posts, read 2,575,090 times
Reputation: 1131

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Wow, that sounds so innocent and almost accidental compared to your original comment:
I feel like you are absolutely bitter and attacking me. I get that you think I am classless, but my guests had a great time at my wedding and I would never have invited people who would be as judgemental regarding my wedding ettiquite as you are. I recently went to my friend's wedding and they included the registry info in their invitation? Was that in poor taste? In my opinion, yes, but who cares!??! I was thrilled to get them something and didn't give it a second thought. I didn't feel the need to be the ettiquite police.

Anyway, since you are so hung up on ettiquite, then I would remind you how tacky and in what poor taste it is to ask people:
1. How much their wedding cost
2. How they paid for it

Perhaps, you should heed some of your own advice! Lighten up, life is short! Weddings are fun and they are really about the love between the bride and groom-not living up to some standards of traditon set in the dark ages!
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Old 05-20-2012, 11:37 PM
 
24 posts, read 23,150 times
Reputation: 17
Default Ugg

Ok, here's the deal. I am getting married. I have a toaster. My fiance has a toaster. I have a third toaster that my ex-roomate left with me. I have 5 sets of silverware, all of varying designs. I have 3 drawers full of assorted kitchen junk. We have two beds and one bedroom, and a garage that I cannot park my car in, because there is a bed, a table, and two dressers in it. Do you see what I mean?

Most couples do not start out with nothing. Some have everything they need, sometimes two sets of everything they need. So, here's a math equation:

1 toaster + 1 toaster + 1 toaster = TOO MANY DANG TOASTERS!

I have too much crap. Why on earth would I need more? I don't want anyone to think I don't appreciate what I have, because I do; I bought that first toaster fair and square. The key is not to expect or demand gifts. There is a nice way to word it, and a selfish way. People think it is their duty to buy gifts, which is bull, but give gifts they will, even when you request they don't. Either you politely tell them, whether written or by word of mouth, that cash works better than toasters, or you will surely receive another toaster....

I don't ask for cash because I need it to pay for my wedding, or my honeymoon, or my car payment. I'm having a wedding and throwing a party for you to come and eat and drink and be merry with me on a special day, not because I expect anything from you, but because I want everyone to have a great time! I don't request the gifts you give to be in cash because I'm greedy, I ask for it because I don't need any more toasters. I am a simple creature with simple needs and simple wants. Why is this such a difficult concept to grasp? Is this crazy?

And to the person who said, "I'll just get them a breadbox for their audacity to request cash." I say, maybe if you are that petty, I shouldn't have invited you, because you are obviously not a friend.

Sorry, I just needed to vent. I'm just so sick of looking at toasters. The thought of another one is terrifying.... :P
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Old 05-20-2012, 11:39 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,082,245 times
Reputation: 73913
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlelizzy123 View Post
I don't ask for cash because I need it to pay for my wedding, or my honeymoon, or my car payment. I'm having a wedding and throwing a party for you to come and eat and drink and be merry with me on a special day, not because I expect anything from you, but because I want everyone to have a great time! I don't request the gifts you give to be in cash because I'm greedy, I ask for it because I don't need any more toasters. I am a simple creature with simple needs and simple wants. Why is this such a difficult concept to grasp? Is this crazy?

And to the person who said, "I'll just get them a breadbox for their audacity to request cash." I say, maybe if you are that petty, I shouldn't have invited you, because you are obviously not a friend
Um. If you have everything you need, do what we did. Request that people donate to your favorite charity in lieu of gifts.
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Old 05-20-2012, 11:45 PM
 
24 posts, read 23,150 times
Reputation: 17
Default Yes!!!

Perfect! Exactly! I just don't need anymore things!! I was thinking using the money to start a retirement fund or a college fund for kids someday. I already have everything I need, it is selfish to get a registry for stuff I'm not going to need! I like the charity idea alot, I could think of lots of causes that would be great to give to! But toasters do not help people, except people who need a toaster...
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Old 05-21-2012, 12:43 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,082,245 times
Reputation: 73913
I don't like toasters. I think they are useless. Toaster oven is the way to go.
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Old 05-21-2012, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Tower Grove East, St. Louis, MO
12,063 posts, read 31,485,827 times
Reputation: 3798
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlelizzy123 View Post
Ok, here's the deal. I am getting married. I have a toaster. My fiance has a toaster. I have a third toaster that my ex-roomate left with me. I have 5 sets of silverware, all of varying designs. I have 3 drawers full of assorted kitchen junk. We have two beds and one bedroom, and a garage that I cannot park my car in, because there is a bed, a table, and two dressers in it. Do you see what I mean?

Most couples do not start out with nothing. Some have everything they need, sometimes two sets of everything they need. So, here's a math equation:

1 toaster + 1 toaster + 1 toaster = TOO MANY DANG TOASTERS!

I have too much crap. Why on earth would I need more? I don't want anyone to think I don't appreciate what I have, because I do; I bought that first toaster fair and square. The key is not to expect or demand gifts. There is a nice way to word it, and a selfish way. People think it is their duty to buy gifts, which is bull, but give gifts they will, even when you request they don't. Either you politely tell them, whether written or by word of mouth, that cash works better than toasters, or you will surely receive another toaster....

I don't ask for cash because I need it to pay for my wedding, or my honeymoon, or my car payment. I'm having a wedding and throwing a party for you to come and eat and drink and be merry with me on a special day, not because I expect anything from you, but because I want everyone to have a great time! I don't request the gifts you give to be in cash because I'm greedy, I ask for it because I don't need any more toasters. I am a simple creature with simple needs and simple wants. Why is this such a difficult concept to grasp? Is this crazy?

And to the person who said, "I'll just get them a breadbox for their audacity to request cash." I say, maybe if you are that petty, I shouldn't have invited you, because you are obviously not a friend.

Sorry, I just needed to vent. I'm just so sick of looking at toasters. The thought of another one is terrifying.... :P
The single best way, and the only truly proper way, to "ask" for cash is to not ask at all. If someone asked for cash on a wedding invitation I'd be inclined to buy them monogrammed towels that can't be returned

So what I would suggest is to make a very small registry. People will look at it and immediately understand. And I'm sure you have a few things that could use replacing or upgrading! You should also decline any showers, because those are meant to shower the bride with gifts -- watching her open envelopes of cash is lame, and many people would find it rude.

Additionally, if anyone asks you or your immediate family where you're registered, it's perfectly appropriate to say "We created a small registry at Crate and Barrel, but we're also saving for [a new home/ new furniture etc]
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Old 05-21-2012, 04:06 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,711 posts, read 11,698,587 times
Reputation: 7604
OP, I honestly don't beleive there is ever a 'diplomatic' or 'classy' way to ask someone for money. With that said personally I wouldn't do it, it's just not my "style." But to tell you the truth, if I was going to someone's wedding I would rather they ask for the cash then the gift they aren't going to use. I mean either way you're spending money, aren't you? How to ask is the problem . It's just best not to... So I say go with the answer Arag, gave above. ^^^^^
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Old 05-21-2012, 06:55 PM
 
2,888 posts, read 6,509,196 times
Reputation: 4653
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Well, according to Miss Manners/Emily Post/etc, you shouldn't say anything about gifts on the invitation itself. It's an invitation, not a shakedown. What you can do is let your family and friends know this tactfully, so that if anyone asks where you're registered they can say, "oh, they haven't registered anywhere, but they're saving for a down payment on a house."
We said - NO GIFTS. The word got around that we were saving for furniture and all our friends pooled together and got us a gift certificate at our favorite furniture store. It was a wonderful gift. I'm sure some people gave $1 and others gave $50, and we gave the rest - but we had those couches for 20 years - longer than most people keep wedding gifts.
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Old 05-25-2012, 05:28 PM
 
12,769 posts, read 18,277,441 times
Reputation: 8762
Quote:
Originally Posted by thebobs View Post
Rugged, down boy, down. We are not talking about getting into the bride's wedding dress during the wedding.
TheBobs! OMG long time no post! I got engaged! It finally happened, it finally happened!!

Happier than a pig in sh*t right now.

And to the OP, sorry but you can't ask for cash- there is no classy way to do this. We're having an engagement party and we're not registering so we hope people get the hint that way but you can't guarantee it. Remember- gifts are not required ever at any wedding. Yes it is the proper to thing to do, but it is not mandatory for any guest to give you anything.
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Old 05-25-2012, 05:34 PM
 
Location: California
4,400 posts, read 13,360,647 times
Reputation: 3161
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
TheBobs! OMG long time no post! I got engaged! It finally happened, it finally happened!!

Happier than a pig in sh*t right now.

And to the OP, sorry but you can't ask for cash- there is no classy way to do this. We're having an engagement party and we're not registering so we hope people get the hint that way but you can't guarantee it. Remember- gifts are not required ever at any wedding. Yes it is the proper to thing to do, but it is not mandatory for any guest to give you anything.
Congratulations!

Surprisingly to some, per American etiquette, gifts at a wedding are NOT required and in fact are optional. So, gifts technically are not seen as proper. I was trying to deal with not wanting to have to transport things home when I discovered this. I was surprised as personally I would never dream of attending a wedding without a gift. However, in my research, I discovered that gifts are totally optional and should be sent to the bride's home prior to the ceremony and not brought to the reception, to avoid pressuring, or making them feel bad, those who did not bring a gift.
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