Advice for Visitors to WV (Charleston, Parkersburg: credit, vacation, work) - West Virginia - City-Data Forum

snorpus · 01-22-2008, 06:06 PM

Forwarded to me by my cousin Corky, Charleston born but retired to the land of Mickey Mouse...

Snorpus

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THE RULES OF WEST VIRGINIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive
a truck because I want to. No matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive
it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they
smell funny to you. They smell like money to us. Get
over it. Don't like it? I-64 goes east and west, I-77 and
I-79 go north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have
$150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven
only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in West Virginia waves. It's called
being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3
doe's are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the
time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish & craw fish. You really want sushi
& caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the
first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all
women, regardless of age. We hold doors for anyone
following us in or out. Its called consideration for others,
another concept you might want to get used to.

11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick
off the 2 pounds of ham, cheese, & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main
dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use four
spices: salt, pepper, hot sauce, and ketchup. Oh, yeah....
we don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring "coke" into our house, it better be brown,
wet and served over ice.

14. You bring "Mary Jane" into our house, she better be
cute, know how to shoot, drive a ! truck, and have long
hair.

15. College and High School Football is as important
here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more
fun to watch than a bunch o' over-paid prima donnas.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water
hazards -- it spooks the fish.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State
Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They
come outta there with an education plus a love for God
and country, and they still wave at everybody when they
come for the holidays.

18. We have a higher percentage of our total population in
the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines than anyone.
Don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped
by the best.

19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-
thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear
it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back
to #1.

20. Four inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like
you've got some sense, and DON'T take all our bread,
milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't
Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day
without croissants The pickups with snow blades will
have you out the next day.

A true West Virginian will send this on!!!

pfisher57 · 01-22-2008, 06:35 PM

Wow. my father was from WV, Morgan town to be exact. He married my mother from Japan so I never did meet my grandmother or grandfather form WV. I just decided to pull up some information from Morgantown and to my amazement I came across this message of yours. You see.. I live here in California and thought that I might want to come out to your side of the state for a visit. NO drugs no loud music will be joining me. Just a wonderful camera and a sound mind. I appreciate your dedication to your state. By the way what do you think about San Francisco, CA? I'm maybe 20 miles South from there. And nooooo I'm not gay.

harborlady · 01-22-2008, 09:15 PM

ROFL @ snorpus
I'm not sure I'm yet qualified to be a West Virginian, but please foward my resume to Corky.
I've never willingly wore droopy pants, except for the mens uniforms required of me because they didn't make womens. I had equal pay, but suffered from unequal pants.

I was a sharp shooter in the coast guard, but the older I got, the more I realized the better skill to have was appealing to peoples better nature. Most mean well, and we all suffer from blindness from time to time.

"Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be taught, and drunkeness sobered, but STUPID lasts forever." Nuff said?

Grandmother from Parkersburg, rest her soul, taught me about making do, waste not want not, egg money, rainy day money, and to never accept abuse from anyone. She told me that's why god gave women cast iron frying pans.

I don't own a truck. It's too tall to climb into, I'd be a menace to society not being able to see over the hood, and a quart of milk shouldn't cost $10 just because I had to drive to krogers @ 12 mpg to get it.
When I find a 4wd truck that fits me, it would have to run on biodiesel, because one drop of oil traded for one drop of blood from my brothers & sisters in arms is too high a price to pay. I'd rather walk or do without, and I'm stubborn enough to do so. I won't pander to smarmy politicians who have contempt for it's citizens.

City boys shooting at my tractor just because is says "Deere" on it WILL meet my cast iron pan.

I wouldn't be caught dead in a tree stand, but I celebrate deer season by enjoying the mysterious things women do when left to their own devices. The fire is going and there's something hot in the crockpot once you come to your senses and get on home. If you aren't happy when you get home, best know it's you're own fault.

There are two keys to a healthy family IMO. I'd rather a man go meditate in his trout stream than fuss at me over BS. If it needs doing, don't talk about doing it, just do it. Anything less I lose respect over, because loiterers are not welcome in my life. Neither is filling my day with nonstop noise, so HUSH already. The manuer belongs outside, so here's a hoe, get to it.

I've already had a bloomingdales credit card and didn't need it. Nothing beats fresh air and mother natures generosity.

wvsky · 01-23-2008, 07:36 AM

Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about West
Virginians...

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in West Virginia .

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in West Virginia .
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live
in West Virginia .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in West Virginia .

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Charleston for the Weekend, you may live in West Virginia .

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in West Virginia.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in West Virginia .

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in West Virginia .

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in West Virginia .

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in West Virginia .

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in West Virginia .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in West Virginia .

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in West Virginia .

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in West Virginia .

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in West Virginia .

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in West Virginia .

If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in West Virginia .

harborlady · 01-23-2008, 12:28 PM

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