Crazy Idea - Thoughts / Comments Welcome! (to rent, house, find a job)

[andreaspercheron]

Hi,

I've cut and paste this from the relationship section. Was originally going to post it here and then thougth you guys might move me but the relationship section posters suggested I have it in two places ... so here goes... Keep in mind, this is the very early stage of our thinking.



As some of you have noticed I've been asking a lot of questions about the area in and around Winchester, VA / Kearneysville, WV, etc... there is a reason and I was hoping to get some honest and candid opinions about our plan....

We currently live in PA, my fiance is originally from VA and then went to college in SC which kept him there a few years too. I am originally from FL and have lived in PA too many years to mention. Neither of us are happy living up north and would really love to be back down that way. We miss it a lot.

My fiance has a good job but it's only good because his field of work is very narrow and there aren't many exact jobs he CAN find outside of major pharma areas which mainly are here in PA and NJ. He works in NJ. He has an hour and 20 min ride one way to work so he spends 3 hours a day just on driving alone. Now, keep in mind, he has a lot of pharma experience and has a four year degree which I always remind him, there are a lot of companies that pay well looking for folks with degrees.

We have been looking at properties and jobs for a long time, I work in the healthcare field and can find work just about anywhere and have already confirmed there are jobs available for me in VA / WV areas. It would be a little longer before he could find the same scope of work as he has here.

So, we've been looking at properties and dreaming of home ownership as it stands now we throw away literally $18,600 on rent a year and have been living in the same house (renting) almost four years. You do the math. The landlord does nothing, the house is falling apart and to make matters worse we have oil heat which we have to refill about every three weeks - only for heat but still.

So the other day he says to me (after I found a great house and priced right in WV), "why don't you move down and I'll come home weekends until I find a job down there" to which I at first replied "no way" then we talked about it and we agreed we have a solid relationship, I can work and get the house ready and move the horses down (cheaper board too down there) and he can continue working and commuting home for weekends (which he did before he met me) and once he finds work down there in his field he'll move down permanently. (Adding this in: he would just rent a room near work and come home weekends which would do away with the huge rent payment and the long work commute)

My city data folks.. what do you guys honestly think of this situation. We talked about it and we are both really good with it. We realize it's a struggle because we will miss each other throughout the week but we are also not young kids, I mean we are in our 30's and again have a very solid and sound relationship and just feel that since we want to be in that area anyway, the housing market is ripe for the picking and we are throwing money away here it seems like the best possible solution to work towards our final goal (both living there full time).

Thoughts?

Thanks!

[Hinton Bound]

Being a military guy, I've seen it plenty. BL: Long distance sometimes works, sometimes it doesnt. Have plenty of friends working at the Pentagon, with their familes in Virginia Beach. It's tough.

If you're unhappy where you are, take the pay cut and be happy. Money isn't everything in life. If you can afford a place where you're happy (ier), I say go.

[snorpus]

Go for it. You're young, if it doesn't work out you can always move back. You may find that your relationship is even stronger.

[harborlady]

I think your first instinct of no way should be examined much more closely. Doesn't matter what I think it only matters that you both have clear objectives. Prevents lots of disappointments. Perhaps if there were a time line established?

What hinton was referring to... I saw that both in military and in merchant marines. Seems the ones that have longevity all have the same kind of wife. The kind that can manage alone without getting overwhelmed.

[andreaspercheron]

Snorpus and Harborlady - I see both sides of it and I think I feel the way you do, Snorpus. If it doesn't work out, we move back. No biggie... I say we try it for a few months - he'll still be working here and if it doesn't pan out, then we'll rent the house and I'll move back until we can both go together. Just thoughts at this point... we talk about it all the time and are having a hard time finding holes in our plan thus far.
Your opinions are well taken though.

[vec101]

For 6 months, my hubby worked out of town and only came home on weekends. It worked out great for us. We know a lot of guys who work construction, etc. and they work out of town only coming home on weekends for years on end -- depending on the relationship, it works out great for many.

I'd just be sure that if his work field is so narrow, is there a chance he would be able to eventually find work in the area.

[ABCDom]

Perhaps I don't fully understand the situation--You're going to continue to rent where you currently reside and then purchase / rent in WV as well? It seems to me that this could a "waste" of money. I would definitely institute a very well-defined timeline.

As far as the long distance relationship is concerned...My only advice echoes that of harboulady. I think that very open and honest communication combined with clear objectives and expectations is a must. Also, please be sure to fully consider the "what ifs" and "worst case scenarios." I am playing devil's advocate here, but...What if you find that you absolutely love WV and he cannot find gainful employment in the region for over a year? What if he is promoted once his employer realizes that he may leave and the offer is too good to pass up? Meanwhile, you are fully acclimated in WV and enjoy it too much to go back to the cold of the north?

I realize that these hypothetical scenarios may not be realistic to your specific situation, but please consider realistic pitfalls that you may experience. Ask yourselves, "What are the worst case scenarios?" and go from there. Above all else, your marriage is the most important thing ("for better or worse, richer or poorer, etc.). Good luck...

[andreaspercheron]

Originally Posted by ABCDom

Perhaps I don't fully understand the situation--You're going to continue to rent where you currently reside and then purchase / rent in WV as well? It seems to me that this could a "waste" of money. I would definitely institute a very well-defined timeline.

As far as the long distance relationship is concerned...My only advice echoes that of harboulady. I think that very open and honest communication combined with clear objectives and expectations is a must. Also, please be sure to fully consider the "what ifs" and "worst case scenarios." I am playing devil's advocate here, but...What if you find that you absolutely love WV and he cannot find gainful employment in the region for over a year? What if he is promoted once his employer realizes that he may leave and the offer is too good to pass up? Meanwhile, you are fully acclimated in WV and enjoy it too much to go back to the cold of the north?

I realize that these hypothetical scenarios may not be realistic to your specific situation, but please consider realistic pitfalls that you may experience. Ask yourselves, "What are the worst case scenarios?" and go from there. Above all else, your marriage is the most important thing ("for better or worse, richer or poorer, etc.). Good luck...

We did the pro's and con's... - we would give up the house we are in now which by the way is over 200 years old, falling apart and a very lazy landlord. So, my SO would rent a room near his work (which is now an hour and twenty mins from home) and then he would just have that expense and the expense of driving down every week.
So the what if is what if it doesn't work? Then we rent out the house down there and I move back. My kids are both adults so that comes out of the equation and then just leaves me and the animals. Again, I can work anywhere and sure there is a possibility he may not find his scope of work down there but to be honest, that's going to be everywhere with his line of work. That's why I've told him it's a good time to figure out what else he can do with his degree - you know in general anyone who has a four year or more degree should know all of their options and he just hasn't gotten that far yet.
This really is a hard concept for some but it makes perfect sense to us and we are both good with it. I just like hearing what others have to say about different situations.