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Old 05-15-2011, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Live in NY State, work in CT
8,994 posts, read 14,747,469 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Forest_Hills_Daddy View Post
Keep on wondering, kletter. A bucketload of extracurricular activities is not something that a child typically asks for; it's usually the parents who impose this.

Personal gadgets and accessories, maybe. But learn to say "no". How can parents teach their kids to just say "no" to drugs and intercourse when they themselves cannot say "no" to something as simple as "can I have an ipad because the kid who sits next to me in the bus has one"?
I agree with the first sentence. As for the second, see my other comment below.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kletter1mann View Post
I read the posts and I read your post. You seriously think that pressures the KID feels from their peers will go away if the parents simply don't indulge them? Ask the less affluent kids how well that works.
Agreed. My kids go to one of the "nicer" elementary schools in one of the "poorer" districts (basically, the part of Mt. Vernon near Bronxville/Eastchester/northern Pelham) and they already see other kids who have Nintendo DS, PlayStations and even (I find this kind of disgusting for upper elementary) smartphones and feel "deprived".

Yes, parents should "hold the line" and often when the kids are older (i.e. college or beyond) it will sink in and they will appreciate you for it, but in a place like Scarsdale or Rye, if your kids are the only ones without the "goodies" they will very heavily feel the pressure and likely "resent" you and it will cause a lot of unfortunate tension at home and/or a lot of "teenage rebellion" that might not happen if you lived elsewhere (now I'm not saying to "give in", I'm just saying keep in mind that kids' minds are not as developed as adults so they cannot reason as well).
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Old 05-15-2011, 10:56 AM
 
258 posts, read 772,161 times
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I think even in poor areas, kids feel immense pressure for gadgets. The kids in my inner city elementary school have more gadgets in their one bedroom apts than many have in their huge Westchester homes.

When I was choosing school districts, I was looking at Eastchester, Ardsley and Pleasantville. We will be amongst the poorest people in these districts and we opted out of Ardsley because it seemed the wealthiest of the areas. I certainly plan to hold the line but I also know that it is hard to deal with when your child doesn't have the lifestyle that the other kids have. Forget smartphones, I think more about summer homes and several expensive vacations per year, etc. I have had kids in my inner city public school get into NYC's gifted and talented program and it was so hard for them. They could do the work academically but it was a challenge to hear about all the things that their classmates have. In the end, it will be a great experience but it is hard for kids while they are going through it.
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Old 05-15-2011, 02:49 PM
 
6,993 posts, read 9,485,656 times
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If those kids made it to the gifted and talented program, then that should be enough to make them happy. Similarly, if you are in a school district that teaches well regardless of how materially better off other kids are, that is a privilage to be appreciated in its own right. It has something to do with the kind of things parents teach their kids to value.
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Old 05-16-2011, 11:16 AM
 
64 posts, read 166,954 times
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Oh hogwash, FHD. My step-daughter is in Pelham - certainly not one of the obvious pressure cooker districts, but still up there. Things were fine in elementary school, but as she got to junior high and now high school, her entire set of friends changed b/c of the lack of gizmos/clothes/vacations/extra currics/etc. She doesn't have all that b/c we DO teach her that other things are more important. Guess what - the straight A student is now barely pulling an 80 average - b/c she doesn't want to be seen as a 'geek' and do too well. She already doesn't have much of what the other kids do, so se doesn't want to stand out by getting superb grades either. We are very good parents, we are working with her on trying to understand what is really most important to her future, but you simply can't say the peer pressure doesn't matter. It DOES.

I also feel that there are great teachers and programs in all the Westchester districts - Chappaqua and Scarsdale don't have a monolopy on that. My husband went to, arguably, the worst high school in the Bronx in the late 70s! He ended up Ivy Leage and is very successful in his career. You don't need pressure cooker districts to produce well-educated kids. And not having to deal with the 'extras' that come with those districts is a good thing to many of us.
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Old 05-17-2011, 08:08 AM
 
Location: westchester
2 posts, read 3,666 times
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Default what are the river towns

im new ... what are the river towns??
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Old 05-17-2011, 09:16 AM
 
Location: Bellevue, WA
1,487 posts, read 3,732,261 times
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Towns on the Hudson - Irvington, Dobbs Ferry, Hastings, etc....
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Old 05-18-2011, 03:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathyNY76 View Post
Oh hogwash, FHD. My step-daughter is in Pelham - certainly not one of the obvious pressure cooker districts, but still up there. Things were fine in elementary school, but as she got to junior high and now high school, her entire set of friends changed b/c of the lack of gizmos/clothes/vacations/extra currics/etc. She doesn't have all that b/c we DO teach her that other things are more important. Guess what - the straight A student is now barely pulling an 80 average - b/c she doesn't want to be seen as a 'geek' and do too well. She already doesn't have much of what the other kids do, so se doesn't want to stand out by getting superb grades either. We are very good parents, we are working with her on trying to understand what is really most important to her future, but you simply can't say the peer pressure doesn't matter. It DOES.
It is you who have posted hogwash. Did the other kids offer her drugs and alcohol? Did they put a gun on her head and force her to skip classes? If not, then you have absolutely nothing against them. If your child is a "B" student then it's likely because she deserves it, not because of what other kids have done to her. The academic standards for average kids in the public school system are too easy and only a mediocre student, assuming he or she is of average ability, will settle for average grades.

Take her on a tour of the public school in Corona. Show her how students urinate in their pants because the lines in the restrooms are too long, and how classes can squeeze up to 40 kids. Maybe that would make her feel a liitle bit more privilaged in life.
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Old 05-18-2011, 08:49 PM
 
Location: East Millcreek
2,397 posts, read 5,209,682 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Forest_Hills_Daddy View Post
It is you who have posted hogwash. Did the other kids offer her drugs and alcohol? Did they put a gun on her head and force her to skip classes? If not, then you have absolutely nothing against them. If your child is a "B" student then it's likely because she deserves it, not because of what other kids have done to her. The academic standards for average kids in the public school system are too easy and only a mediocre student, assuming he or she is of average ability, will settle for average grades.

Take her on a tour of the public school in Corona. Show her how students urinate in their pants because the lines in the restrooms are too long, and how classes can squeeze up to 40 kids. Maybe that would make her feel a liitle bit more privilaged in life.
FHD, how old are your kids, where do they attend school and where do you live? Just curious. Dimension and planet would be helpful too.
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Old 05-19-2011, 02:04 PM
 
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/\/\

They attend private schools. What's it to you?
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Old 05-19-2011, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Bellevue, WA
1,487 posts, read 3,732,261 times
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I don't mean to butt in on someone else's argument, but to be fair you should admit that your kids are quite young and that you do not even live in Westchester (from what I recall from old posts). It's great that you have such high aspirations for your kids and I truly hope they exceed every one of those.

However, I think it's not only insensitive but somewhat arrogant to belittle parents that want to chose an environment more in keeping with their personal values. It's OK for you to not want your kids to attend school with kids less smart than them, but it's not OK for others to choose not to send their kids to school with kids from different backgrounds than them?

Until you have a teenager of your own, you cannot tell people what they should or should not be doing - nor make them feel 'less than' if their kid is influenced by peer pressure. Just my unsolicited two cents...
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