How many transplants now like Wisconsin? (Madison, Eau Claire: daycare, how much, new home)

[sunflower53072]

Just wondering how many of you are transplants from somewhere else and if you now like Wisconsin? I love the scenery and beauty here, but find it very hard to break into the inner circle of most people who were born and raised here. I have many friends who I play tennis with, carpool kids to school with etc.. but who would not invite us to socialize with them. They just have too many family and long time friends that keep them busy. Many have accepted invitations to my house for dinner/ parties, but it is never reciprocated. I've been here 2 1/2 years and wonder if it will ever change? If I wasn't a social person, I would be a lot happier here. Any other transplants have more luck? Should I keep trying? There are some other transplants here that I have had a bit more luck with, but 95% of the people I meet grew up in Wisconsin.

[BacktoNE]

We've been here 14 months this coming Thursday. We've come to tolerate it better than in the beginning, but no, we still don't like it. Natives are not welcoming to transplants. We've given it our best shot and the only friends we've made are other transplants.

Happily we are in a position where we can go home next year so that makes it all a lot easier to deal with day in and day out.

[escapetacoma]

Originally Posted by sunflower53072

Just wondering how many of you are transplants from somewhere else and if you now like Wisconsin? I love the scenery and beauty here, but find it very hard to break into the inner circle of most people who were born and raised here.

Interesting. If you're worried about making friends you REALLY want to avoid the Puget Sound area. We've been here in Wisconsin for less than 2 months and we're meeting people regularly. We've been invited to dinner a couple of times and had things brought over a couple of other times (we have yet to reciprocate but we're still partly living out of boxes so our new friends seem to understand.) We did a bit better than that in Tacoma - but it did take most of 12 years and all but one of those people were from areas where hospitality is more common.

In fact the thing that my wife and I have both found remarkable is just how friendly the people are. Even the people in the two DMV offices that we've visited have been smiling, helpful and - at least apparently - genuinely concerned that things go well for us. Clerks, postmasters, waitresses - it's been a real eye opener for people coming from a place where people are, at best, distantly polite.

Of course we won't know just how much we like it as a whole until we've spent a winter here

[ekg56]

We have been here 20 years and we love it. When we 1st moved here our kids were 10 and 3 so we became really involved in the schools. Also I worked and then ran my own daycare. I never had a problem making friends. There are some people that don't like outsiders but there are plenty that do. And the funny thing to me is my grandparents came here almost 90 years ago. But my Mom moved to Chicago and we were raised there. So even though we may be outsiders are roots have been here. But I never tell anyone that.
My advice is to keep trying. We have plenty of friends and really are happy here. I know we have friends that live all over the US and they have problems with outsiders in Vermont, North Carolina, Colorado etc. It is not just a problem limited to here. My sister moved to a smaller town in IL and she said that a lot of people don't trust people who weren't born there either.

[MidwesternBookWorm]

We moved to Wisconsin 8 years ago, after spending 18 years in the Rio Grande Valley of Texas and a quarter-century or so in Michigan before that. We have found Wisconsinites to be far, far more welcoming and gracious than was the case in the RGV, and we are very happy living here.

At the same time, I recognize that part of that may be due to the community in which we live; it's very possible that some regions of the state would be less receptive of newcomers than our new home town. For that matter, there are some parts of our current community that I'd expect might be less welcoming than our neighborhood.

And I can certainly attest to the fact that there's always an awareness on some level about the distinction between a Wisconsin native and one who moved here after birth. It's subtle, and in most cases I don't find that it impacts my relationships with others, but it's definitely there.

However, the same thing was also true, to a greater or lesser extent, in the other regions in which I have lived, and I don't think that any of them are unusual in that way. It may be more prevalent or widespread in some regions than in others, but at some level, there's nearly always a certain tension between the natives and the newcomers.

I think that to a certain degree, the locals are waiting for the newcomers to "prove" themselves, to demonstrate that they're not just rolling into town with a bunch of money and grandiose ideas to tell all the hicks how to run their lives. Not that I'm suggesting that Sunflower has done such a thing - far from it! But sometimes locals feel a bit wary or defensive with folks from elsewhere, just out of fear that the newbies will show them up in some manner.

One thing that I find tremendously helpful in assimilating in a new community is volunteering. Whether you help out at the local food panty, do literacy tutoring at the middle school, volunteer to help the neighborhood association, participate in the Public Radio fundraiser, work as a docent in a museum or zoo, or whatever, once you demonstrate by your actions that you're a good citizen of the community, the local folks will be far likelier to regard you positively, and to reciprocate your efforts to reach out to them.

[DaBears]

Originally Posted by ekg56

I know we have friends that live all over the US and they have problems with outsiders in Vermont, North Carolina, Colorado etc. It is not just a problem limited to here.

i moved to north carolina from florida in 2001 and had no problems fitting in here...i have met more people who moved here from out of state...even where I live and work it is about half & half...everyone gets along fine....

[KateDaum]

We have lived in a number of places over our lives. So far New Hampshire has been the absolute most unfriendly place to transplants that we have lived. If you don't have roots that go back at least 150 years they won't give you the time of day.
We have a summer place near Bayfield and the long timers have gone out of their way to be welcoming. I am up right now for a few weeks. We had a storm that knocked over a tree. Our neighbor, this crusty old fisherman, had the tree cut up and the wood stacked within 4 hours of the storm ending. The church is so welcoming to us when we are here. I have been all over the state in the last few days and we have had welcoming smiles in every store, walking down the streets etc, from Door County to Madison's farmers market, over in Menasha to Eau Claire. I am the type of person that when we sit down for lunch I strike up conversations with people around me. No one has ever not talked back to me in a friendly way. I never try and convey the attitude that where I come from is superior to anywhere I am living or visiting.
I also agree it is not limited to here. We have friends up and down the eastern seaboard and from Maine-Florida there are places that don't want newcomers and make that known.
I also agree attitude has a lot to do with it. I have a friend that is a nurse, she was a nurse in Chicago and when she moved to North Carolina her attitude was she had big city skills and she was going to help these poor hicks learn how to help run a hospital. She made me cringe with her attitude. She left NC after 3 years and couldn't understand why she didn't make many friends. She is very happy living in Dallas though. And I think her attitude was different going there.

[ekg56]

I have cousins that live in Walkertown NC and they love it. But a neighbor from where I grew up in Chicago moved to Black Mountain NC and she had problems being an outsider. She moved there in 1978. She married a native in 1984 and things got better but she still encounters the native vs. transplant when expressing an opinion that may go against popular beliefs. She said people will reply with, well that's because you didn't grow up here or you're not really from here.

[nyminute]

Hard to understand this, it is "One Nation, Under God" or even just One Nation. It shouldn't matter what state one hails from. 99 out of 100 are forced by employment issues. I moved from NY to Indiana, and talk about Culture Shock. Frankly being from NY gives me the "Who cares" attitude what others think. 19 years later I still have the tude, but I am a hoosier now, just trained in NY and always a citizen of the USA. If people can't warm up because you moved from another state than *(#^% on them. Does land of the free ring a bell?

[sunflower53072]

I think I was somewhat spoiled having spent the previous 4 years in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio where I had no trouble making friends. Many were also transplants from the east coast like myself. The natives were actually out numbered and were used to making friends with new people. I think I expected the same here and was surprised at how long it is taking to make real friends. Everyone is very nice and polite, but do not really include us in much(including our kids). I am a big volunteer at my kids' school and that has helped somewhat, as well as, being a tennis player, starting and running a neighborhood book group etc.. I think it just may take more time.