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Old 08-09-2017, 07:55 AM
 
136 posts, read 417,966 times
Reputation: 155

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So, just to put another perspective on this. The feeling of non-acceptance may not be related to race. It may be that you just aren't "from around here."

I grew up an Air Force brat and moved a lot. We always lived in places with air bases and, consequently, with a large population of other people who moved around a lot. So, everyone felt like a stranger and everyone was looking for friendships. No one really "belonged."

In Wisconsin, there are a lot of families who have lived in the same area for generations. We have neighbors and the husband is considered "not from around here" because he grew up in a town less than 10 miles from where we live. I know families who have been in the same city for 3 and 4 generations. When we moved here, I asked someone how long they had lived here and he said, "Not long. About 25 years." My jaw nearly hit the ground. I didn't understand that at the time because for me, a long time was more than 3 years. But, after living here, I realize that 25 years isn't a long time. And, even though they are warm and welcoming, they aren't willing to accept you into their circle of family and friends.

I've lived in WI for over 20 years and I still don't feel like I really belong and I'm white, male, and what most would consider "conservative." I attend a church and am active in it. I have friends, but none of them are close and none of them invite me to any of their get-togethers. I'm not complaining. I'm just stating facts. It's just the way it is.

I love the northwest area of the country. I miss my hometown of Anchorage. However, I choose to live here because the overall cost of living and quality of life are difficult to match elsewhere.

So, the issue may not be related to race. It may be just simply the fact that you "aren't from around here" -- yet.
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Old 08-09-2017, 08:25 AM
 
Location: South Florida
4,944 posts, read 6,142,410 times
Reputation: 5151
Quote:
Originally Posted by soldn2slavery View Post
So, just to put another perspective on this. The feeling of non-acceptance may not be related to race. It may be that you just aren't "from around here."

I grew up an Air Force brat and moved a lot. We always lived in places with air bases and, consequently, with a large population of other people who moved around a lot. So, everyone felt like a stranger and everyone was looking for friendships. No one really "belonged."

In Wisconsin, there are a lot of families who have lived in the same area for generations. We have neighbors and the husband is considered "not from around here" because he grew up in a town less than 10 miles from where we live. I know families who have been in the same city for 3 and 4 generations. When we moved here, I asked someone how long they had lived here and he said, "Not long. About 25 years." My jaw nearly hit the ground. I didn't understand that at the time because for me, a long time was more than 3 years. But, after living here, I realize that 25 years isn't a long time. And, even though they are warm and welcoming, they aren't willing to accept you into their circle of family and friends.

I've lived in WI for over 20 years and I still don't feel like I really belong and I'm white, male, and what most would consider "conservative." I attend a church and am active in it. I have friends, but none of them are close and none of them invite me to any of their get-togethers. I'm not complaining. I'm just stating facts. It's just the way it is.

I love the northwest area of the country. I miss my hometown of Anchorage. However, I choose to live here because the overall cost of living and quality of life are difficult to match elsewhere.

So, the issue may not be related to race. It may be just simply the fact that you "aren't from around here" -- yet.
Great post!
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Old 08-15-2017, 09:25 PM
 
4,018 posts, read 2,968,745 times
Reputation: 3118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mandy2 View Post
No offense, but Madison people never think Madison is racist or segregated.
Nah. I grew up there. The truth is, with so few persons of color living there, people in the Mad City have a lot less experience dealing with those kinds of differences. It's not really segregated in the same sense that Milwaukee is since it's not a traditional rust belt city. There's poverty but in no way does it approach blight like you commonly see in Milwaukee or Chicago. Racist? Unfortunately those horrible people may be found almost anywhere per se. Arguably, Madison has been brought more into the fray with more visibility of problems that always existed, even before the 27 years I lived there. There are always times when people want to point fingers and assign blame.
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Old 08-15-2017, 09:27 PM
 
4,018 posts, read 2,968,745 times
Reputation: 3118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mandy2 View Post
I find your comment fascinating because when I lived in Madison, I thought people were stuck up as hell.
That sounds more like the specific people you decided to socialize with or perhaps, a lack of confidence or chip on your shoulder LOL
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Old 08-15-2017, 09:31 PM
 
4,018 posts, read 2,968,745 times
Reputation: 3118
Quote:
Originally Posted by soldn2slavery View Post
So, just to put another perspective on this. The feeling of non-acceptance may not be related to race. It may be that you just aren't "from around here."

I grew up an Air Force brat and moved a lot. We always lived in places with air bases and, consequently, with a large population of other people who moved around a lot. So, everyone felt like a stranger and everyone was looking for friendships. No one really "belonged."

In Wisconsin, there are a lot of families who have lived in the same area for generations. We have neighbors and the husband is considered "not from around here" because he grew up in a town less than 10 miles from where we live. I know families who have been in the same city for 3 and 4 generations. When we moved here, I asked someone how long they had lived here and he said, "Not long. About 25 years." My jaw nearly hit the ground. I didn't understand that at the time because for me, a long time was more than 3 years. But, after living here, I realize that 25 years isn't a long time. And, even though they are warm and welcoming, they aren't willing to accept you into their circle of family and friends.

I've lived in WI for over 20 years and I still don't feel like I really belong and I'm white, male, and what most would consider "conservative." I attend a church and am active in it. I have friends, but none of them are close and none of them invite me to any of their get-togethers. I'm not complaining. I'm just stating facts. It's just the way it is.

I love the northwest area of the country. I miss my hometown of Anchorage. However, I choose to live here because the overall cost of living and quality of life are difficult to match elsewhere.

So, the issue may not be related to race. It may be just simply the fact that you "aren't from around here" -- yet.
That's just small town mentality, found in many other parts of this huge country.
Less of an issue in more cosmopolitan areas where families frequently come/go.
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Old 08-17-2017, 11:54 PM
 
69 posts, read 53,205 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Devlen23 View Post
We are originally from the west coast, specifically Seattle and then due to work we spent a few years in Southern California and eventually back to Seattle for family. Here is our dilemma, we got a job transfer and ended up here in Wisconsin. We purchased a home in the Brookfield/Elm Grove area based on the advice of a realtor and because of the schools, but after living here for just about a year, we are not sure if Wisconsin is for us. We are definitely feeling homesick and would like to move back to California or Washington, but are afraid of not giving Wisconsin a fair shot.

We are a young interracial (black and white) couple with kids ranging in age from preteen to preschool. I have found it extremely difficult to meet people as it seems at times, people look and treat me as if I don't belong here, me being black and living in Brookfield which we have discovered lacks in diversity. And after moving here, I was surprised to discover racial segregation still exists. The culture shock alone has taken a toll on me. The schools also lack diversity as well, so I feel sometimes our kids are singled out. We've been hearing lately the struggles we've had is because we moved to Brookfield and Wauwatosa would be a better fit, but we are afraid to take the leap, sell the house and move to Wauwatosa and everything ends up being the exact same.

In the end, this is what we are struggling with: Wisconsin has the outdoor things we enjoy such as camping, hiking, fishing, the Lake but winter was harsh but there is affordability here. Seattle offers us the same but weather is more mild, but lacks the affordability. And California of course, has the weather and some affordabllity depending on where you live, but outdoor actitivies would be a drastic difference. I could see ourselves settling somewhere like Wauwatosa, because from driving around there, the residents seems younger, there is walkability and things to do, but we need to be assured that the culture and people are different than what we've experienced in Brookfield. We want to feel like we belong and I want to have a chance for people to get to know me and not avoid me or look down on me because of their misconceived ideas or stereotypes. Any honest advice would be greatly appreciated, because right now, we definitely don't feel like this could be home.
I lived in East Wauwatosa and it was friendly, walkable and diverse. your realtor gave you some bad information, many people end up feeling isolated in Brookfield and Elm Grove when they move to Wauwatosa and they move back to Tosa. The Westside of Tosa may feel more like Brookfield with its streets of ranch houses, so be sure to check out East Tosa instead.
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Old 09-15-2017, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Menomonee Falls, WI
8 posts, read 12,920 times
Reputation: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Devlen23 View Post
We are originally from the west coast, specifically Seattle and then due to work we spent a few years in Southern California and eventually back to Seattle for family. Here is our dilemma, we got a job transfer and ended up here in Wisconsin. We purchased a home in the Brookfield/Elm Grove area based on the advice of a realtor and because of the schools, but after living here for just about a year, we are not sure if Wisconsin is for us. We are definitely feeling homesick and would like to move back to California or Washington, but are afraid of not giving Wisconsin a fair shot.

We are a young interracial (black and white) couple with kids ranging in age from preteen to preschool. I have found it extremely difficult to meet people as it seems at times, people look and treat me as if I don't belong here, me being black and living in Brookfield which we have discovered lacks in diversity. And after moving here, I was surprised to discover racial segregation still exists. The culture shock alone has taken a toll on me. The schools also lack diversity as well, so I feel sometimes our kids are singled out. We've been hearing lately the struggles we've had is because we moved to Brookfield and Wauwatosa would be a better fit, but we are afraid to take the leap, sell the house and move to Wauwatosa and everything ends up being the exact same.

In the end, this is what we are struggling with: Wisconsin has the outdoor things we enjoy such as camping, hiking, fishing, the Lake but winter was harsh but there is affordability here. Seattle offers us the same but weather is more mild, but lacks the affordability. And California of course, has the weather and some affordabllity depending on where you live, but outdoor actitivies would be a drastic difference. I could see ourselves settling somewhere like Wauwatosa, because from driving around there, the residents seems younger, there is walkability and things to do, but we need to be assured that the culture and people are different than what we've experienced in Brookfield. We want to feel like we belong and I want to have a chance for people to get to know me and not avoid me or look down on me because of their misconceived ideas or stereotypes. Any honest advice would be greatly appreciated, because right now, we definitely don't feel like this could be home.
I live in Menomonee Falls just north of Brookfield. I am a straight white conservative male and I will tell you that this area is not diverse at all. Waukesha County is the bastion of the Republican Party in Wisconsin. It is heavily suburban and partly rural. I honestly would not be surprised if you didn't feel comfortable here. If you want somewhere more diverse/liberal but still upscale, I would maybe suggest the East Side area of Milwaukee. Glendale, Shorewood, Whitefish Bay and Wauwatosa may be worth checking out.
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Old 09-16-2017, 10:33 PM
 
32 posts, read 38,532 times
Reputation: 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by damba View Post
That sounds more like the specific people you decided to socialize with or perhaps, a lack of confidence or chip on your shoulder LOL
Haha. No chip and I don't think I've ever had issues with confidence. More like major disappointment with the area. And the people I socialized with were great. It was more like the everyday people I had to interact with in public that were nauseating.

Typical Madisonian denial. "I voted for Obama and have black friends...I can't be racist!"
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Old 09-17-2017, 05:04 PM
 
Location: 'Tosa
89 posts, read 88,879 times
Reputation: 145
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tisambas1 View Post
I lived in East Wauwatosa and it was friendly, walkable and diverse. your realtor gave you some bad information, many people end up feeling isolated in Brookfield and Elm Grove when they move to Wauwatosa and they move back to Tosa. The Westside of Tosa may feel more like Brookfield with its streets of ranch houses, so be sure to check out East Tosa instead.
Amen, love East Towne!
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Old 09-17-2017, 05:14 PM
 
251 posts, read 204,384 times
Reputation: 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meemur View Post
I'm older and have seen a lot of west coast transplants struggle in the Midwest . . .

I think it takes 3 - 4 winters to get used to them. As another poster wrote, proper clothing and getting outside helps. I cross-country ski and hike on the metro park trails.

OP, I'd give it at least another year. If you want to move within the state, fine. I'm thinking Mpls/St. Paul might be a better fit for you culturally, but the winters over there are even worse. Still, people thrive.
I'm not sure about that, I think the first couple winters can be a novelty for some transplants... experiencing snow and winter activities for the first time. But after 4-5 Easters with snow on the ground, the novelty begins to wear off.
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